August 4, 2012 35 Comments
This holds true whether you are on an idate or a Day 2. There’s really not much that needs to be done on a date so long as you have the basics handled which are:
- the girl likes you
- you genuinely like her
- you don’t fuck up the escalation
Over the years I’ve had many failed dates and almost without exception they failed because one of these conditions wasn’t met. I’d chase girls who were merely curious and were sitting in front of me because I’d gamed them onto a date they weren’t much enthused by. I’d be trying to fuck girls I clearly only spoke to for the notch and struggled to hide how little I cared about them. And then many times I simply escalated awkwardly, or too fast, or too slow and her emotions were left flashing “don’t sleep with him”. So like many skills, dating is really simple and easy once you know how to do it, and bloody hard when you’re learning.
In my first year I struggled to even kiss a girl on a date, striking out far more than not. In my last five days in Yugoslavia I kissed seven girls on seven dates and banged two. Only one of them has dropped off the radar. So, what was I doing right?
Phase 1 – Screening
Do not waste your time on No girls or Weak-Maybe girls. It’s a huge amount of effort for precious little reward. Approach the girls you fancy and if they aren’t giving you fairly positive responses within the first five minutes, just walk away. Almost every girl I ever banged made it easy for me once I got over the initial hurdle. The medium is the message. When a girl is tardy in responding, giving little value, and flaking dates then she simply doesn’t like you much. Don’t waste your time. This means that the girls you do get onto dates are hoping you will lead them to your bedroom. They are hoping you can convince their hindbrain to sleep with you. They are on your side, rooting for you to win.
It’s a strange quirk of nature that women have a forebrain and hindbrain. Listen to girls talk about upcoming dates and they say things like “I hope he can win me over”. This sounds ridiculous to a man because for a man to even utter such words mean he’s already decided. But women are like monkeys riding an elephant. They can’t really choose who they want to have sex with, they can only give men a chance and hope he beats them into submission. Bizarre, but life.
Phase 2 – Early Date
Default to a dating structure of three venues. First is a light public environment with non-alcoholic choices (such as a cafe), second is a fairly light public environment with alcohol (such as a pub) and third is a dark semi-private environment with alcohol (the corner of a dark pub). As the girl becomes increasingly attracted and comfortable she will allow you to lead her into increasingly intimate environments. This is especially important for idates where she’ll be more nervous than a Day 2.
So early on just sit back, sip coffee, and run mostly comfort and DHVs. Let her get to know you as you gradually allow her to tease the real you out. Her choice of drink helps calibrate her – if she goes immediately for alcohol its probably on because that’s her pretext for “it just happened”. If she orders non-alcoholic drinks she’s still undecided. Do not rush the early part of the date. Don’t sexualise, don’t escalate. Just weave a web with your words and draw her in. Gradually get her investing. Let her talk. I drop in most of my DHVs early and run the whole gamut. My main stories I’ve used recently (all true) are:
- Teaching my two nephews judo and kickboxing
- Travelling around Yugoslavia to find a city to live in for a few months
- My passion for learning while at university
- Getting chased out of Havana by Cuban guys for clacking their women
There’s lots more and the purpose is to ground me in reality and show who I am. I let the girl gradually reveal herself too. Do one drink in each venue.
Phase 3 – Mid Date
By the time you reach the second venue the barriers are down and you’re building deep rapport. Now I start testing with some sexualisation. Depending on my mood I’ll use either the four-step model from my book or the three-step model from Jambone. The latter is this. When she’s talking about her passions and interests, compliment her on them and make her feel special. Then later compliment her on something womanly but not physical, such as her dress sense or mannerisms. Lastly, compliment her on her body. For example:
- That’s what I thought when I first saw you. You’re very introverted and thoughtful so I’m not surprised you have a passion for reading. I love sitting down in a cafe with a good book and just letting myself get drawn into the different world.
- I like your dress. There’s something about colourful flowing summer dresses that is very attractive on a woman. I like how they swish when you walk.
- I just checked out your ass. I approve. Sexy.
The main thing to look for when verbally escalating is does she block or evade it? If a girl sits, listens, and gives no clear rebuff then that is a green light. Don’t over do it. You only need to tell a girl each thing once for her to get the idea. Overloading her with escalation and compliments makes you sound uncertain and like a pussy hound.
I like to hold good solid eye contact with a girl throughout the date and don’t let her rock me off balance with any of her games. If she leans away, I don’t follow. If she comes onto me, I don’t rush in blindly. Gradually, her frame will break. It’s designed to and that’s what she wants to happen. If it’s on you’ll get a hypnotic scanning moment when you both hold deep eye contact and you can feel electricity crackle. That’s the big signal. If it’s strong I say “I want to kiss you now” and then go for it. If it’s weak I say “I’m going to kiss you in the next bar / soon” and then go for it next time there’s that moment. Don’t try to kiss on a lull. Wait for the moment. It’s in the eyes not the body so don’t be afraid of reaching over even if she’s on the other side of the table.
Phase 4 – Late Date
By this time you should both know it’s on so concentrate on getting some alcohol inside you both and escalating kino. You’ll be making out alot. I rarely touch a girl’s pussy on the date but I tend to hold strong posture and let her bend into me. Alternate comfort (verbal, and head scratching etc) with seduction (dirty talk, making out). The alcohol is a mutual pretext so she doesn’t feel slutty. If she’s up for it she’ll get herself drunk. If she’s holding back on the drink it’s because she wants to stay in control which means she’s not sold – so more comfort, qualification and dirty talk is needed.
You’ll probably get into a vibe where neither of you talks much, your brains have shut down and you are mostly just touching and chilling. I like to draw her in and whisper dirty talk about what I intend to do. I always phrase it as “I’d like to” such as:
“I’d like to rip your clothes off. Within one minute of taking you home I’ll have you naked on my bed. I’ll be looking at your sexy body, watching your chest heave as you breath heavily. Seeing you hot and horny.”
Don’t worry if she verbally refuses. Just hold your frame and restate yourself in different words. Often I say “I know. I’m telling you what I’d like to do”. Your entire strategy is to set her hindbrain against her forebrain and let them fight it out until the forebrain surrenders. She wants you to win her but she needs your help defeating her forebrain. So use kino, eye contact, dirty talk…. and just wait. It’s a siege mentality. At some point the fires burning in her loins will overpower her logical and she’ll go for it.
Once she’s grabbing your cock it’s time to extract. If she’s not grabbing it but you think she wants it, just put her hand on it and tell her “that’s how much you turn me on”. At the peak of her passion say “Come on, let’s go” and lead lead lead. Here you simply want her momentum to follow you rather than any explicit verbal agreement. Just lead, have her follow and you’ll somehow end up back at your place. This is the time to fill her forebrain with distraction bullshit and ask her questions about any old shit just to get her talking.
Phase 5 – Closing
Once back at your apartment one of two things will happen. Best case is she’s super horny and ready to go in which case you just lead her straight to your bedroom, put some music on, and start undressing her. If she’s a bit resistant to going straight to the bedroom you need to back off and make her feel safe. The following helps:
- Put the computer on youtube and go make a drink. Talk lightly with her about what music she likes. No sexual stuff.
- Go to the bathroom and clean your teeth. By being in a separate room her hindbrain knows she is free to leave and because of that she’ll relax and stay.
- Sit with her leaning up against you while she shows you here favourite youtube videos. Kiss her forehead, scratch her hair at the temple and back of the neck.
A little of this and she’ll relax, calm down, and jump you. Then fuck her.