A Deplorable Cad – Chapter 1D

March 3, 2017
krauserpua

Everything came to a head when two of the girls brought their new boyfriends into the house; a pair of young black guys who dressed hip-hop. Had they met Tony and Jimmy randomly in a bar they’d probably all have had a couple of drinks together and shared a few stories. However, the girls set them up to fight by playing victim and asking their boyfriends to stand up for them.

Tony and Jimmy sussed immediately that the boyfriends weren’t violent men. They were just full of bravado and ghetto talk, accompanied by a little bit of pushing and shoving. It was clear that that was as far as it was going to go. Tony would’ve probably de-escalated a confrontation but it was catnip for Jimmy. He loves provoking others and isn’t averse to kicking off either, especially when drunk. So when the girls goaded their boyfriends into action, it didn’t go as planned.

“You should leave this place. You’re not wanted here.”

“Sorry pal, I’m just not scared of you. You couldn’t knock the skin off a rice pudding.”

As the repartee flowed, the two boyfriends got so worked up they started shouting threats, informing Tony and Jimmy in vague terms about the many kinds of doom that would befall them if they didn’t cease their taunting forthwith, retire to their rooms, and lock the doors. It was at that point that Tony got his mobile phone out and started recording the scene on video.

“Can you say that again? What did you say?” he inquired. The angry boyfriends told him in explicit terms that they intended to do him in.

“Perfect. And how would you do that exactly?” Tony asked, gaining a few more valuable seconds of angry footage. The impassioned threats went on for a while longer until the boyfriends could see that nothing positive was going to come out of the confrontation, and they slinked off.

The next day, Tony and Jimmy went back to the agency.

They sat down and, in grave tones, Jimmy said, “Look, we’ve had death threats from the boyfriends of the tenants.”

“Yes,” Tony added, “we feel unsafe there.” As he showed the agent the video, Jimmy put his head in his hands as he tried to keep a straight face. “So you can see why we’re upset. We fear our lives are in danger.”

Jimmy looked up at the agent with a sigh, and then with just the right hint of desperation in his voice, asked, “Do you have any other property?”

Visions of litigation danced in front of the agent’s eyes. In its desire to avoid a lawsuit, the agency was ready to propel Tony and Jimmy all the way to the top of the queue for a prime property. Their response was immediate. “Well, actually, next week we have this really good place coming up in Hampstead. Why don’t you guys have a look at that?”

Tony and Jimmy looked at each other, and then back at the agent. “Yes. That could work,” they conceded.

****************

They drove out to the property that same day. It was a stunning twenty-five room building in a leafy suburb. As they looked around, Jimmy and Tony could hardly stop laughing.

“Fuck me, this is absolutely incredible. We have to jump on this!”

They then began to negotiate with the agent, saying, “Look, given our bad experience of sharing with people we don’t know, we no longer feel safe with strangers. Could we perhaps fill this place with our friends?”

Agencies view properties as problems to be solved, and whether they are filled with guardians or friends of guardians didn’t matter as long as the buildings were filled and the paperwork filed. Nobody wants a lawsuit.

“This is really quite irregular,” he moaned, straightening his Next polyester tie and shuffling his papers unhappily. “We can hold the property back until the close of business today and no later.”

Which is how I came to receive a phone call from Jimmy while standing in the tiny backyard of my flat, eating a Curly Wurly I’d bought from the corner shop. I was renting my flat from a friend’s wife on a verbal agreement that I could leave with just a month’s notice. There were no contractual issues to moving out quickly.

“Look, we’ve got this amazing place. The location is perfect. It’s massive. It’s cheap. And if any gypsies do come around, you can take first crack at them. But you’ve got to sign up today if you want it. Are you in?”

“Of course I am,” I said. We all were.

Sitting in the office in Islington, my pen poised over the contract, I was given a rundown of our tenancy terms: we would be on two weeks’ notice and could be thrown out at any time, real estate agents could come through with prospective buyers, and we were expected to keep the property clean. I signed contracts, exchanged keys, and walked out into the office lobby where the rest of the RSG gang was sitting shoulder-to-shoulder on rickety chairs each clutching their own signed contract and pair of house keys.

“To Hampstead!” announced Jimmy then strolled out the door like Captain Cook leading his explorers up a mountain trail. The great adventure at Château RSG was about to begin.

If you thought that was awfully long for one chapter, just imagine how long it’ll take you to read the book. It’s got thirty-eight of the fuckers. It’ll take you FUCKING EONS, if you’re dumb enough to try it here.

14 Comments

  1. I’m not sure why I love that postscript so much

    Will be buying both of your memoirs eventually

  2. nick you teasey bastard! post up some more quick smart mah nigga! 😉

  3. Quite the cad you are Nick👍🏻👌🏻

  4. Not a trolling comment. Is this book all your own writing Nick? So far it reads with a very different tone to yours. Is there a ghost writer? [I wrote it. It’s my words, my narrative voice. K.]

  5. You’re not on twitter anymore otherwise I’d ask you this there.

    What do you think of Scott Adams banging a girl in her 20’s while being a man in his 60’s? Is he playing the provider game or is he a legit alpha who uses mostly his skills of persuasion? [It’s money and fame. He’s very smart but not charismatic at all. K.]

    • what do you mean by charismatic? (maybe his age is huge factor)
      are trump a charismatic?

    • What do you think about Deepak Wayne banging loads of beautiful young white girls as an ugly stinky old Indian curry running BBC game scamming other incel ethniks? [He doesn’t bang ’em. He pays whores, and once in a blue moon bangs a fat old grotster. K.]

  6. Good work, I’ve enjoyed watching you mature as a writer.

    On another note, I think I’ve found somebody almost as bad as Deepak Wayne. Curious as to what you think of him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yD36Y3KJ9pQ

    The shitty open and attempts to re-frame as “making her comfortable” didn’t fill me with confidence. [I watched a bit of him before. His vibe and face is off. He’s fronting. K.]

  7. I’m a fag. I like sex with hairy men.

  8. Great writing and interesting story!

    But come back to Twitter, it’s quite dull without you…

  9. I finished reading A Deplorable Cad on Friday. It’s an excellent book, some of Nick’s best writing. I’ve also been day gaming for over two years, and I still learned quite a bit. Found myself taking notes a lot in the margins and highlighting techniques and mindsets I want to incorporate into my own game. It’s also very entertaining, Chateau RSG was full of a lot of interesting characters, some of whose personality traits you may recognize in your own daygame wings. [I’m glad you liked it. If you can spare the time to leave a Lulu review that would be great. K.]

  10. Funny comments on here.

    I commented about my new website a few posts back. I seem to be having nothing but bad luck, my previous laptop destroyed itself with no backup so I lost all the fucking login info.

    Here is my NEW NEW website, this WILL be the final one.

    http://www.therealstevejabba.wordpress.com

    As some of you offered, if you have a site, fb page, or whatever, would welcome a link. I just emailed my list and informed that I will still contribute from time to time and am happy to meet decent people from this community.

    Nick, hope you don’t mind me spamming this here. A few of your readers asked about it.

  11. Got my copy yesterday. It is a good set of lay reports and near misses. It is strange to read about some of the events described in DBATS 2 from a different perspective. I think Krauser’s story is perhaps a harder one to make interesting than Bodi’s due to the lack of conflict. The book starts with Krauser being good. So rutting girls is not that much of a challenge, versus Bodi’s frequent meltdowns (familiar to most who have tried to game). A lot of the lay reports are “opened this girl”, “met her for coffee/alcohol”, “fucked her”. But unfortunately without a whole lot of conflict, a lot of them are just sex stories. Compare this ease with the ridiculous situations John Bodi found himself in, and it is hard to compete on the story side. I can’t even remember how Bodi found himself needing to fuck an American tourist in a hotel toilets somewhere. But the difficulty of it made it tense and epic. .Also I can’t remember any descriptions of nerves in the book. I remember thinking that Krauser must just have coke level confidence all the time.

    The biggest conflict in the book is not with game, or life, but with Jimmy Jambone

    Speaking of coke there is a brief description of two wanabee Aussie PUAs who are trying to run coke/party game on a girl Krauser is also after. I was thinking “Cool, he is about to launch into a thoughtful analysis of why this doesn’t work, I have my own thoughts, but it will be interesting to see another opinion, see how similar our thinking is, or what things I have never considered” but then Krauser just gets off that topic in a couple of lines with “half the guys in London dream of running coke/party game”.

    It would also have been interesting to see some more analysis of why John Bodi was struggling. But the only bit I can remember is a conclusion that the Spanish bird handed to him by Krauser found him too similar as they are both northern. Then again maybe it would have been revealing too much about the other people in the house to describe them in much real detail, so sticking to slightly mocking banterish caricatures is all that is possible. I’m sure there is more to Lee than “nice but dim”. A funny moniker, but real info is always interesting too.

    I think the next book will be more interesting. I was thinking to myself “Krauser is pushing 40, all this has to end at some point, as age catches up with us all”. But just last week I met up with my younger brother in Sydney who had been backpacking around Asia for three months, and he described a Swedish guy Magnus who was 50 and a bit of a bastard when describing the random he ended up travelling with. My bro quoted him as saying “I come out to Asia for 4 months every year to party and bang hot girls”. I immediately assumed the negative and said “So he was banging dirty hookers” and my bro said that he was scoring hot young European tourist girls. I was like “really…” and my bro said that this guy had a really ripped body from rock climbing. The negative voice inside me instantly said “Fuck off, I bet he is in the gym 5 days per week”. But… if you have the time and resources to look good (basically not being an office drone) then Krauser’s adventures may continue for some time yet. And I think the increasing challenge will make the stories better and better. [Thanks for the detailed feedback. I should probably point out to readers that A Deplorable Cad is not meant to be DBATS3 and tackles very different themes. K.]

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