Adventure Sex – Book Excerpt #3

February 15, 2016
krauserpua

Here’s the opening section of chapter nineteen for your perusal. The book is currently 152k words long (same as Daygame Mastery and Primal Seduction). These are 688 of them. Comments appreciated on the writing style, focus, quality of story-telling and so on. Again, I stress this is the draft version and may change.

I first met Masha in Dozari nightclub at the end of the third week in Minsk, after Tom had gone back. Including previous trips with Steve, it was the fifth time I’d been to the club and I’d done well on the other four occasions. It was Thursday night and both John and I felt up for a night out.

She was a 20-year-old brunette and ever so slightly chubby but as she was so young and buxom that she carried it well. She looked absolutely amazing with her clothes on, and it wasn’t until they came off that she looked a bit soft and podgy. She had big wide hips, a big ass, reasonable tits, long hair, very strong features and was quite tall. Her face was like a spanked arse – a proper pursed princess face, which is pretty but very haughty. Let’s call her a nightclub eight and a real-world seven.

We met while John and I prowled the club early in the night. I saw two girls perched near the top of the staircase leading down to the basement bar. One was sitting on a stool sipping a cocktail through a straw while the other was dancing half-heartedly. They had that looking-for-trouble vibe that best friends girls often take with them on a night out. I imagine they’d arranged it like this:

Masha: “I’m bored. Let’s go out tonight. I wanna have fuuuuuuuun!”
Dasha: “Yay! How about Dozari again? There’s lots of thirsty guys we can tool.”
Masha: “Free drinks!!!!”

John and I stood out so as we walked past the girls looked at us and we looked at them. It wasn’t really an IOI, more like mischievous kids sizing up an opportunity for mischief. So I walked over and opened them.

“Girls. The dance floor is over there” I pointed. “I think you’re lost.”

I talked to Masha and John talked to her friend. Right from the off, Masha was trying to tool me like a proper little nightclub princess. She was receptive at first but soon tried it on, attempting to turn things her way. She became challenging in her questions, which I just swatted out of the way.

“Why are you in Minsk? You have no reason to come here” she said.
“I like the weather”
“How old are you? This is a young people’s club” she said, pouting over her straw.
“I got lost looking for the library” I replied.

She wasn’t actively hostile as she was mixing in smiles and normal small talk but I could see her game. The little minxes probably had a bet on who would be the first to tool a guy tonight. I could see their eyes occasionally flick to each other.

I sat down on Masha’s vacated stool while she continued her sluttish gyrations and endeavoured to get my tongue hanging out like a hungry dog. Girls often try to lure you into being too forward and too thirsty. She looked sexy but I kept talking like I was oblivious to her charms. I was just a guy having fun. My eyes wouldn’t drop to her gyrating hips even once and this infuriated her.

“Dance!” she demanded, stepping back a little and pointing to a space on the carpet next to her.

I chuckled, shook my head, and let my eyes wander to look at the hired dancing girls on stage.

“Dance here!” she demanded, again.

For a brief moment I let my face get serious and I looked hard into her eyes, like I imagine a serial killer does as his fingers close around your throat in the final moments.

“I’m not your fucking puppy” I said, then went back to my fun-face. “Come on John, let’s have a look downstairs. Have a good evening girls!”

I gave them a smile and we rolled off. I could tell I’d scored a big hit. Her eyes flashed not with anger but with respect. The kitten had bitten the tiger and the tiger had briefly bared its teeth and them nonchalantly swatted away the annoying little animal. Masha was very intrigued.

17 Comments

  1. The last part is brillant. In a few words you transfer the reader to that noisy, cheesy, Belarussian nightclub with 90s disco lights, tough guys standing in groups, and two men with a ‘we-dont-give-a-damn’ attitude marching across the room. The last two lines (kitten and tiger) – are funny, vivid, and contain a very clear picture of how men should be around girls. Well done!

  2. Very nice Nick, good writing style captures the imagination very well. No problems here mate, I’m enjoying it keep it up.👍

  3. Not bad but you could tighten it up a bit. Some suggestions:

    “I first met Masha” -> “I met Masha”

    “She was a 20-year-old brunette, ever so slightly chubby, but young and buxom enough to carry it off.”

    “I saw two girls perched” -> “Two girls perched…”

    “She wasn’t actively hostile, but there was something mixed in with the smiles and small talk. The little minxes…Their eyes occasionally flicked to each other, giving away the game.”

    “I let my eyes wander to look at the hired…” -> “I let my eyes wander to the hired…”

    “For a brief moment I let my face get serious…” -> “I let my face get serious…”

    “The kitten had bitten the tiger; the tiger had bared its teeth and nonchalantly swatted it away.” (Also, proofreading point – you have ‘them’ instead of ‘then’ in that sentence.)

    “Masha was very intrigued” could be changed to a lot of better, less ‘on the nose’ options – “It was on.” or “The hook was set.” or anything less literal

  4. Here’s the reason for buying the book.

  5. “Her face was like a spanked arse – a proper pursed princess face, which is pretty but very haughty.” This sentence made me do a literal double-take! Meaning I was halfway through the next sentence when I realized I had to tear my eyes back and read this again.

    Conclusion: an excellent simile (and nice alliteration). Original (to me) and pitch perfect.

  6. This is quality stuff, Nick. You do a great job at transferring the world as you see from your lenses onto your writing – that’s always a good thing.
    The only thing I can think of improving is the way you put the dialogues. In some cases the whole ‘she said’ or ‘I replied’ part can be omitted without issues.

    Looking forward to the rest!

  7. This was a good read, you hit a great balance between information and triggering readers emotions. Hope you didn’t put in too many lay reports, but rather focused on fewer great ones and describing them more detailed like in this excerpt. One reasons I never finished reading toms book “daygame” is because of the short but many lay reports, which were quite fun to read but after a few dozens too repetitve. I also like it when you let the reader know whats going on in your head and what you feel, makes it fun to read. If you managed to keep your book like this excerpt then it will be a great one.

  8. The girl from your “How to pick up a girl in a shop” infeld video on Nick Krauser channel that you also use as text example plays in a gangbang porn. Type “Sexraj” on tube8 and it’s her, same name. I smell Tom Torero pay-for-play model but I’ll let you explain to your readers;-) Maybe just a coincidence…who knows. [Here’s the porno girl and the infield screen cap at the closest I could get to the same facial expression. This is an extremely tenuous claim. If you continue with such bad-faith muckracking I’ll ban you. I have no time for people calling me a liar. K. Ondrej conspiracy theory ]

    • What about the same face, voice and name Veronika? It’s her 100%. Wheter you lie or not is another matter. But it’s a funny coincidence…gangbang pornstar in an infield. [It’s not the same face or voice. She has completely different mannerisms, laughs differently, has very different teeth, different hair and skin tone, my girl also is significantly heavier with bigger tits. The only thing they’ve got in common is long hair, a scarf, and one of CZ’s most common female names. And you do know girls almost always use a pseudonym for porn, right? There’s something wrong with you. K.]

    • That’s not the same girl you need your head examined mate.

      • +1, I wouldn’t be surprised if Xman is a “Flat Earther” and believes False flag attacks are posed by crisis actors LOL.
        Get a life Xman; nose, jaw line, lips are completely different.

      • From the 2nd video where I posted her more recent porn, the similarity is much more striking. It’s her. At first I didn’t care much, but such fierce denial is rather strange, we need more of a piblic consensus that it is/ is not her. [Second video is 2011 and you’ll notice she is wearing literally the same scarf and coat in both videos. If it’s “more recent” its a matter of days or weeks. It also suggests the website is hiring adult-industry workers BangBus style rather than being something to take at face value as spontaneous pickups-for-money – and thus that she’s unlikely to actually be called Veronika. This explanation is also supported by the fact the same website operator runs multiple Czech[gimmick] partner sites including actual formal castings. I linked those later in a recent Tweet. Those castings are full of girls describing themselves as escorts, strippers, dancers, prostitutes and even porno actresses – this makes it unlikely they are running around the street cold approaching normal women with a money proposition – it’s possible of course, but just not very likely. Also, I met the girl in my video in March 2015. Given that it’s four years later than the Czechstreet video (I’ve also seen their’s dated 2012, so exact date not certain) and she doesn’t appear to have done any videos since – what’s the fucking odds that I found such a girl and persuaded her to come out of retirement to do a street video for cash? And what’s the odds I’d only want a number close from a girl who I’d already identified as willing to fuck on camera for a pittance and could thus get a fantastic staged-SDL video that would easily make back her fee in Overkill sales?
        If I wanted to pay women for fake videos I’d have the world’s greatest SDL product to sell for $199. I know for sure I’d make it look convincing and it would easily make profit. Instead I have just a few infields on YouTube and Overkill is all numbers. Integrity matters to me. Really, just run a thought experiment – if I was as dishonest as you wish to believe, and knowing how smart and creative I am….. how fucking insanely good would my infields be?
        You’re deluded. I don’t know if you’re doubling down on the accusations because as a gamma you cannot admit you’re ever wrong, or if you just really really hope I’m a liar so that you don’t feel bad about your own results. Whatever, not my problem.
        Anyway, I told you you’re banned here. I let this comment stand because it was already replied to before I logged in. It’s a one-month ban. You can come back on 17th March. Until then stick to shittalking me on Sluthate and other blogs, as you’ve got form for, because I’ll be trashing all your comments. Usually you restrain your gamma impulses but every few months they leak out. Get out of denial and fix it.
        Czech comparison .K]

  9. Pretty good. Two small typos. 2nd paragraph and last paragraph.

    I recommend downloading a couple of apps to tighten up your prose before sending it to an editor. One is Hemmingway – it’s only $10 – it’ll get rid of any unnecessary verbosity in your writing. ProWritingAid and Grammarly are two other options, both more expensive but both also have free trials so you can see if you get any value from them before you commit. Using all 3 together is a powerful combo and can really sharpen things up.

    Good writing overall though, even in its current draft state.

  10. There’s a difference.
    Krauser girl is hotter😆

    On a side note xman don’t lash out at others (especially those who have a name in this industry) if the daygame isn’t working. Just figure out why that might be and get to work. Everyone has potential.

  11. Fuck, all good stuff. Keep em coming krauser

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