There are certain changes a man must make in his daygame journey as he progresses through the learning curve. In the beginning it’s pretty simple: approach. Most noobs are terrified of rejection and tangled in a mess of limiting beliefs about what women want and how to deliver it. So on 90% of boot camps and one-on-one coaching sessions the strategy is simple:
- Give him some simple lines
- Psych him up to dive into opening
And that’s pretty much it. There’s only so much a student can learn when simply walking up to a girl and opening your mouth is a death-defying act. We tried to teach theory on beginner’s bootcamps and it just doesn’t work. The student’s adrenalin is inhibiting any ability to absorb complex information. It’s the same in boxing – first few times a guy spars his technique disappears and he’s suddenly chin-up, flat-footed and swiping air like a clumsy bear.
This problem can be fixed over time. Repeated exposure drills the muscle memory and reduces the adrenalin. Eventually the noob can calm down in set and begin to see what’s in front of him.
Five hundred sets later he’s acclimated to daygame and can start plotting his jump up to intermediate. This is when he must move from “social” to “sexual”. He already knows how to begin a conversation with a stranger, and he can spot when a girl gives him a topic and then run with it. So he gets hook point a lot and many flaky numbers. He’s now become the chatty guy.
That’s not daygame. It’s have a nice chat with a stranger. That’s a valuable skill to have and it represents progress but as an guy at this level can tell you it is immensely frustrating. Once in a blue moon he’ll encounter a Yes Girl who just needs to be gently eased downhill towards the bed but it’s rare. Most of the time he’s getting into interminable chats that end with a phone number to nowhere. If he’s able to do this with hot girls, he’ll have a YouTube channel and offer bootcamps because it’s not until you’re intermediate yourself that you can easily see through the smoke and mirrors.
So the strategy for this guy is also simple: go sexual. As a teacher, I’ll tell him:
- Take some risks
- Get close to her
- Throw in sexual spikes
I’ve noticed the main barriers to a man implementing my advice are emotional, not technical. What I ask from him is technically easier than all the social stuff he’s doing. Really, all I’m asking him to do is take one step forwards, and repeat some simple one-liner spikes. A monkey can do that. The fact he’s already hooking and number-closing means he’s no monkey. It’s an emotional barrier.
He’s addicted to picking up pennies in front of the steamroller. Consider this quote from a review of Nassim Nicolas Taleb’s book The Black Swan:
“Another human failing stems from the nature of happiness. In the short run, people’s happiness is often shaped more by how many “positive events” occur in their day than by the arrival of one important piece of good news. Winning $100,000 in the lottery feels almost as good as winning $1 million. We therefore look, consciously or not, for small but repeated successes when we should be shooting for “one large win.” It’s easy to see why: Big payoffs come only rarely, and perhaps late in life; in the meantime, who wants to keep on feeling like a loser?”
There are many sweet hits of validation during a ten minute street stop. The first one is when you overcome your AA and open the girl – you get the thrill of having mastered your fear. Next is when you reach hook point, she has just validated you with the “this guy is interesting enough to chat to” thrill. A bit later you collect a worthless number but in the moment there’s the thrill of the number close. It’s all very validating, and by the time you’re five hundred sets in it’s a pretty regular occurrence. It’s also painting yourself into a corner because insiduously, you’ll be moving away from effective daygame. Instinctively you know the following “play it safe” tricks will maximise the amount of validation hits you get in one session of daygaming:
- Turn off sexual threat
- Let the chat meander towards rapport and common ground
- Hide intent
This period is immensely frustrating because you’re “taking action” and “doing daygame” but any time you get laid it’s basically luck. You’re fooled by randomness. The step to Intermediate means taking control of the process again, instituting a tighter cause-effect relationship between what you do and what results you get. And your results will get worse before they get better. Your “easy win” validation hits will actually reduce. We’re now chasing the $1 million lottery, not the £10 scratch card.
I consider myself an advanced daygamer. I’ll talk a bit more about what this entails later, but in this context it means I deliberately court micro-failure. Anyone watching me on the street sees I get lots of blowouts. I have no patience with ten minute chats-to-nowhere. I’ve walked that road and it’s frustrating. Now, I want to find a girl, put my schtick on her and get a quick Yes/No/Maybe answer so I can either try to fuck her or else next her and find the girl who will fuck me.
So I open aggressively, I immediately step in on her, I lay the eyes on, and I bust her hard in the first minute. She knows exactly what I want and that I don’t expect to wait a long time to get it. She also knows she’s free to leave at any time. These days I often see the wheels of her brain turning as she weighs the pros and cons of adventure sex.
The result is more blowouts and more lays. And if I was to post a day’s filming on YouTube the comments would all be “dude, why can’t you get more numbers?”