She was really pleasant, asking me about the opener, and do I do this much. I was hyper-honest in what I said (though I withheld the sheer scale of my approaching and subsequent failure-rate) saying, “I’m a fairly direct guy. When a man approaches a woman it’s always based on a sexual dynamic. I see no reason to try to sneak in under her radar.” She suggested I could be a little more roundabout, like asking her something normal.
“Yeah, I suppose, but that’s not me. Give me some feedback then. How did you feel when I said that?”
She smiled again. “It was kinda shocking… but cool.”
Ever the motor-mouth, I continued, “It looked simple but there’s a lot going on there. When a man stops a woman he’s got to demonstrate value without scaring her or being creepy. It could’ve sounded really weird, but instead I was just putting the option out there. I wasn’t trying to persuade you to have sex. I put it out there as non-needy. I like sex, but I don’t need it.”
She was called Eugenia. We swapped numbers and after she walked off she called me two minutes later to check that she had the right number stored. She’d briefly mentioned a boyfriend in passing, and that she lived in Covent Garden. She suggested I join her in a bar after I was done in Tiger Tiger nightclub later that evening. We swapped texts the rest of the day:
Me: You’re still thinking about it 😉
Her: A little! Doesn’t happen often in London!
Me: But all the time in Greece? I’m at Tiger Tiger.
Her: Yea, Greece is a little bit different. I’ve just hopped into the bath…
Me: Bath texting? You’re weird
Her: Thanks… multi-tasking? lol. ur in a bar with ur mate and ur texting… that’s equally weird. lol
Me: Make sure you soap yourself properly.
Her: Thanks for the tip, couldn’t have done it without u. lol
Me: I’m helpful like that.
I later realised what was really going on in the subtext of this interaction. Girls have a dual mating strategy that is commonly summarised as “Alpha Fucks Beta Bucks”. This means they pursue both high quality male DNA and also long-term protection and provision. This gives the player his hack, his way in. Girls are hard-coded with the potential to step out on their long-term partners in order to access better DNA. They’ll call it an “indiscretion”, a “mistake” or an “adventure” but the important point is that it happens.
The London Daygame Model is designed entirely around exploiting this quirk of female nature. However, in September 2009 the LDM didn’t yet exist, and I didn’t know about Alpha Fucks Beta Bucks. My proposition to Eugenia had identified me as the consequence-free adventure sex guy and she was showing herself amenable to a secret liaison, with the usual trepidation and cautiousness before proceeding. I just lacked the wherewithal to pull it off. These days I’m all over it, but back then she was one who got away.
I left it for the week and then on Thursday a hot Colombian girl blew me out on an early evening date. I called Eugenia. She picked up right away and after a five minute chat she invited me to Bar Salsa saying her male friend was teaching there but she wasn’t dancing, so why didn’t I join her. I should’ve agreed, but I didn’t have the confidence to enter her territory and hold my frame. I envisioned myself being tooled by more charismatic men who know everyone in the class, being excluded from conversations she had with her friends and other silly social nightmares. It was a mistake. I should’ve just thrown myself into the mix to see what happened.
Next, while out the following day, I restarted, late on while I was in Cargo. The whole time I was trying to follow PUA text game advice, particularly the maxim from Roissy’s blog—send only those texts which you’d be comfortable having appear on a jumbotron in front of the whole world. Meaning, if you aren’t comfortable with your text game being public, it must be weak.
Me: Old Street tonight.
Her: I’m off to the cinema tonight but could meet up later if ur around.
Me: Yeah, that’s a plan. Text me when you’re done.
Her: *later* Would you like to meet in Covent Garden or is it too late for you?
It was 11pm. I called. I said I’d be finished with my friends at midnight and then I’d call to arrange to go over to her place (she was home). Midnight came, I called and no answer. Twice. I texted, “hey” to no response. Fuck.
Next morning at about 11am I got this:
Her: Hey Nick – I’m so sorry about last night! I fell asleep in front of the tv, didn’t realise how tired I was.
Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, in a speech by Brutus in Act IV, gives a beautiful conception of Alpha Fucks: “There is a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood leads on to fortune…” Whereas the Beta Bucks guy is omnipresent with his provision of attention and resources (she was living with her boyfriend) the girl’s Alpha Fucks needs rise and fall like the tide—and specifically with her monthly ovulation window. She’ll only have a tiny window within which motive, method, and opportunity are aligned to sneak out for adventure sex. As a player you need to be alert for that and take her at the flood.
I’d missed my chance.
We arranged a date for later in the afternoon. I was already in town, sitting in Caffè Nero off Covent Garden reading Ayn Rand’s Fountainhead. I wanted to be in a state where I was self-amused and not anxious for her to come. Every date felt like entering a math exam and I needed to micro-manage my mood. She arrived and we sat outside in the sun. I was leaning back, trying to show “alpha” body language, and we connected instantly. I really liked this girl. She was smart, selfassured, and much prettier than I had first realised. It turned out she was a model and had recently has been posing naked for artists. She was also a dancer. We chatted a lot, and I kept with the authentic honesty.
This was still during the period of my voracious reading of all things seduction and psychological, so I’d also gotten a book on speed-reading people. We discussed that, and Eugenia really lit up when I outlined her character according to the book’s model.
She suggested moving on to St James’ Park so off we went. I initiated touch with upper arm touching, pulling her in with my arm around shoulders, and later around her waist. She pleasantly stayed comfortably close but didn’t respond by putting her arms around me. Again this was something of a calibration error. It’s generally a bad idea for the “secret sex” guy to be touching his girl in public—that’s exposing her to the risk of being caught, and undermining the whole secret society vibe. Except for fleeting moments to spike her energy levels, touching should be restricted to private environments.
I ended up talking about my interest in social dynamics and about the alpha/beta/omega male hierarchy, and sexual chemistry. She was going along with it all. I teased a bit, we joked. It was just very, very pleasant. I felt totally relaxed as if there was no judging between us, and I wasn’t trying to impress.
This experience would be the beginnings of a flavour I’d later successfully add to my pick-ups. I was trying to be as authentic and radically honest as possible, even overtly discussing the nature of malefemale interactions. This is now integrated into my instructional guides as “breaking the fourth wall” in which you discuss the meta-level nature of your own discussion. It’s highly effective in getting girls to quickly agree to sex, but in 2009 I was just fumbling in the dark with little idea it was to become a sophisticated tool. I’d recommend beginners avoid that stuff entirely.
Three hours in and we were sitting outside another cafe when I tried to escalate a bit more and fumbled a key test. While I tried to pull her in, she resisted, put down her sandwich and said, “You know I have a boyfriend?”
Ah, I thought. I’ve read a good answer to this on the Internet! I looked her dead in the eyes and with a low even voice replied, “I don’t care.”
The effect wasn’t what I’d hoped. She took a few bites of her sandwich then told me, “Well I do. It’s his flat I live in. I just don’t want to mislead you.”
I tried to keep a brave face, but I was crushed. I’d thought I was in. This was a beautiful, smart girl, a dancer, and the very first thing I’d said to her was a proposition for sex. And now I was in the friendzone! LJBF’d from the Apocalypse Opener… just let that sink in for a moment.
The reality was I’d had my chance and blown it. She’d asked me to walk with her a minute after my opening proposition, she’d invited me out to a bar, she’d invited me to her home late at night while her boyfriend was out (but fell asleep, at least that wasn’t so much my fault), and then accepted another date. Wannabe-seducers would likely interpret this story as her just being a games-playing cocktease who wanted to tool me for attention and, unfortunately, that’s the conclusion I came to.
But it was wrong. She wanted Alpha Fucks, and I’d come up short. Even at this last test about having a boyfriend, I’d misread it. She didn’t want to mislead me into thinking there’d be a relationship, but I’d misinterpreted her to be refusing sex and putting me in the friendzone. Even at that late point in the interaction if I’d had a stronger sense of entitlement and stronger escalation I could’ve taken control and got her into the bedroom.
Next installment (Chapter three, part three) in three days. Buy the full version of Balls Deep in PDF for £10 here or in paperback for £20 here.
March 11, 2015 at 3:17 pm
Best chapter yet…pure gold.
March 11, 2015 at 7:10 pm
I remember when I first became cognisant of these windows of opportunity.
You have to be alert because they open and shut quickly and once it’s closed in my personal experience they don’t open again. Which sucks from our logical point of view… “if it was on last week, why can’t it be on today!?!?”
But it doesn’t work that way.
How to become more aware of these windows? The best thing IMO is to just assume it’s on. It will help pre-select you as someone in the know. Later on when you have experience you’ll start to see them for real.
March 12, 2015 at 2:24 am
Knowing what you know now, what would you have said to her ‘I have a boyfriend’ line? Or do you think it was too far gone because lack of calibration/attraction/appropriate frame?
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