Hollowing out

February 18, 2015
krauserpua

If I was to pick my lowest point of 2014, it would have to be my flight home from Prague on November 6th. The previous day I’d rotated four girls through my bed, all of them solid 8s, the oldest 26 years old. I’d fucked three and the fourth was (and remains) a 19 yr old virgin. I’d fingered her a bit while she gave me a timid blowjob (the first of her life).

This was a holiday where I closed four girls in the last six days. It was clearly the highlight of my entire Game career. The best I’ve ever done per the younger-hotter-tighter scale. Yet as I boarded the Jet2 flight home to Newcastle, the filming of Daygame Overkill just two days away, I was feeling low. Dejected, even. Why was such a high followed by such a crushing low?

A low point, yesterday

A low point, yesterday

A passing comment from Steve a year earlier came to mind, “Nick, fucking birds isn’t all that. Once you’ve shot your bolt you’re still the same man you always were. Shagging birds doesn’t solve anything.”

I was feeling this on a deep level. It’s pretty hard to conceive of a better send-off to the 2014 Euro-Jaunt season than to parade a string of hot young things through my bed on the last day in Prague. It’s one of those improbable scenarios that can only happen after years of patient work and then jumping on statistical rarerities when they pop up. So, if that’s as good as it gets and yet next day I’m still the same man with the same concerns…… oh well.

Game is a necessary but insufficient condition for a happy life
Moving away from the deeply introspective level, away from high-falutin’ concerns over contentedness and peace of mind, there’s also a cyclical aspect to the ups and downs of a player’s life. Sexual desire is a strongly motivating force that gives a man a sense of purpose – get laid. All that time you are chasing tail you have your eyes fixed on the prize and a clear sense of where you want to be. Once you’ve actually won, that goal evaporates. Typically a new goal immediately presents itself – the next girl. But knock over a bunch of girls in a short time span and that next target doesn’t appear.

Wasteful

Wasteful

You’ve shagged yourself out. All that energising testosterone has been squirted across a succession of firm breasts and into hungry young mouths. The tanks have run dry and listlessness follows. That’s how I felt boarding the plane. Half a pint of my DNA was currently being digested in the four corners of Prague while I was a shambling drained wreck waiting at the departures gate cursing my PSVita as it ran out of battery. I just wanted to lie down by a log fire and sip a cup of hot chocolate.

That’s just a short-term cycle driven by hormones. There’s also a medium-term cycle that I call Cycles of Immersion in Daygame Mastery. Players need an off-season to avoid the dreaded Hollowing Out.

Dark-Souls-II-Hollow-Lullaby-Trailer-600x300

Bear with me on a digression into Dark Souls 2. I love video games more than the Game itself. My favourite games of recent years are the Japanese cult hit Souls series. You play a solo adventurer thrust into a hostile demon world with no more than a broken sword. The game is punishingly unwelcoming – there’s no map, the NPCs give no advice, there are no waypoints, and everything that moves wants to kill you. It’s just you against the world. Alone. Like Oxford Street on Saturday afternoon.

Your character begins as a human but you die pretty quick. The first encounter with the undead ends with you as a bloody pool on the stone floor. Your spirit respawns but now you’re “hollow”. Your humanity died with your physical body and you’re now a shambling undead. Your health bar is limited to 2/3 of your human form and your face is a ghastly rictus grin. You notice most of the human NPCs dare not venture out of the small safe havens because the whole world is full of hollows. Those undead you must kill are just men similar to you who turned hollow sooner. The whole game becomes a battle to regain sources of humanity in the world to combat the degenerative hollowing process.

It’s grim stuff.

Now replace the caverns and castles of Boletaria with the pedestrian streets of Eastern Europe. Really they look quite similar – just light a few lanterns and increase the footfall. Now you and your fellow NPCs daygamers are travelling through a cold unyielding world, each creating his own adventure, creating and breaking alliances as their paths cross and then diverge. Each evening the fellow wanderers come back to the shrine to warm themselves by the campfire, drink health potions, and share stories by the firelight. Some poor lost souls get beasted in the wide world and shamble back as hollows, searching for humanity.

There's only so much of this you can take

There’s only so much of this you can take

Back in the USA’94 world cup I remember the German coach being asked why he allowed the team’s wives and girlfriends to stay in the same hotel as the players. Wouldn’t that deplete the players of their energy? No, he replied. Sex isn’t the problem. It’s the chasing sex that tires the men out. I’ve noticed this. I have an inability to produce anything of consequence while on a Euro Jaunt. No sooner have I sat down in Starbucks to read a book than a lithe hottie will totter past and sit opposite me. So I start that familiar self-dialogue:

Shall I open her? Okay, let’s figure out a category for her. Hmmm, what country? Okay, is she solo or waiting for her friend to come up from the barista counter? Right, should I try forcing an IOI first……

Ten minutes pass and I find I’m re-reading the same page over and over again, unable to absorb anything. That girl may wander off but I see a few more walk past the window. And my Whatsapp buzzes as a new lead has responded to a message. And should I invited last night’s close out tonight for some jollies?

A week of this is fine before heading back to normality, but a full month grinds me down. My 2014 Euro-Jaunt season was April to November, with only short one-week trips back to Newcastle to try to reconnect to my humanity. Halfway through a Jaunt I find myself daydreaming of “reality”: of Call Of Duty on my big screen TV, of a giant yorkshire pudding with Cumberland sausages from my favourite cafe in Newcastle’s Grainger Market. I start forming lists of all the good books I’ll read “once I get away from all these women who distract me”.

Chasing women is extremely disippating. It’s great fun but needs to be managed. I know some very effective seducers who are empty shells of men – completely hollow. Not all the time, but I see them hollowing out over time until they seem to realise the danger and then rub the Homeward Bone and come back to the campfire to recover their humanity. So this is the situation I find myself in now. My Euro season finished at the beginning of November and I haven’t banged a new girl since. I put myself into a self-imposed hibernation to recover humanity and reverse the hollowing process. But now it’s February and I’m human again. I’m chomping at the bit. Now I see other guys out daygaming and I’m like a kid clockwatching during the last lesson of the schoolday, waiting for the bell to ring so he can run down to the lake with his pals and swim in the water.

So my advice to you all as the Euro-season rolls around in late-March is to marshall your resources carefully and book regular trips back to the campfire. Maintain your hobbies, your routines, and your connections to humanity. Success can hollow you out faster than failure.

14 Comments

  1. That may sound like a “high class problem” to many. Being obsessive /compulsive about anything means you are not free; your ‘highest’ self is not calling the shots, running your life — something else is …

    Living a balanced life has a lot of value, but I doubt we need each day or week or even month to be a balanced unit of time. It seems some do well with a pattern something like ‘Three months of A, then two months of B, then ..’.
    So you exhaust yourself, rest & recover, then back to the action which eventually exhausts you, right?

    Steve’s point applies to other goals as well (for example we see people chase career success & social status to compensate for inadequate self-esteem). But unfortunately many people never achieve their big goal (they stay stuck for years in a mode of pursuing it and feeling they might reach it soon now), so they don’t get that insight Steve articulated, so they waste years not realizing that reaching their big goal won’t solve their real problem(s).

    Anyway Krauser your ongoing success is inspiring — not just the women, but your freedom from the slavery of typical middle class lives, your thriving entrepreneurism, etc.

  2. Have you thought of designing a Daygame video game for educational and entertainment purposes?

  3. I think I peaked last year as well. I didn’t know it at the time but in hindsight I am very happy with what I achieved with my day game and the quality of girls. I burnt out in October and decided to slide into a a couple of mini relationships. I felt lazy and started getting itchy feet in January, so I let the relationships burn out allowing me to start a fresh. I am 2 weeks in and 30 approaches later… DAmn, I forgot how hard it was. It’s easy to look back at your successes but I too quickly forgot the blood sweat and tears it took me to get there. I have no choice now, but I have realised I never want to put myself through another year of this shit again. It is a highly addictive lifestyle once you have cracked the code but personally I cannot sustain the momentum any further.

  4. Personally, I think daygame is best played between the ages of 18-45. You have to have a bucket load of energy and ample amounts of mental strength to muster all the approaches, rejections, flakes and eventual lays, which I assume an older man will simply have little patience for as he ages.

    I’m noticing it myself now in my early thirties. I’m becoming a lot less patient with the girls who aren’t putting out or who insist on playing games. There’s also other challenges as well, in that progress is never ending with a higher level always visible in the near distance yet seductive to keep trying to reach out for it…. Challenges like:

    – You’ve tasted the fruits of a pleasant 8, your standards have now increased and all you look for now is that or better.
    – You’ve had a long dry spell due to a relationship. You wonder whether you still have it.
    – You’re X years older and wonder whether your age has impacted your ability to bag the girls you got previously and have doubts.

    It becomes a never ending cycle that becomes increasingly frustrating. No one girl is enough or satisfying and are constantly chasing for the next one to keep proving things to yourself.
    The biggest question for me is whether all this chasing is due to wanting to consistently prove things to myself or whether i’m genuinely wanting to fuck loads of girls.

    I know my biggest issue was not being popular as a younger lad, being bullied and having entitlement issues as a result of it. Its forever affected me, which is partly what drives me to be better. I know it’s a scar that I have to most definitely deal with internally.

    Every daygamer in my belief has an issue of some kind that forces them out of the house to approach. No ‘normal’ guy would ever put themselves through constant streams of rejection year in, year out. Nick explains this in Mastery and it’s true. So for anyone who’s having a hard time with this or has managed to settle and leave the game. It’s most likely because you’re a normal guy. And thats nothing to be ashamed of.

  5. Eventually, a man must start a family. I know I’ll do it at some point. Not today, not tomorrow. But within five years tops, I will.

  6. i don’t usually bring this up, because this sentiment is still pretty rarely embraced in the western world. But the expenditure of semen is pretty taxing on the body. Sure, in the long haul, each ejaculation may not seem like such a loss of vitality. But a central understanding in Taoism (which i’m not a devout follower btw, but have integrated their views on sexual energy into my routine) is that we are born with a finite amount of life force. Like a battery. Jizzing is like draining the battery. You can charge it back up, over and over and over, but eventually the battery weakens, and eventually cannot recharge. I wont go into the hormonal disturbance of blowing your load, but suffice to say there is plenty of interesting science pointing out the drop in Test, rise in cortisol (bad), prolactin (bad)…etc. It also becomes more important to preserve your life force (lengthier times of not jizzing) as you age. Your organs go through alot making that precious juice. They call ejaculation “little death” in those cultures.

    Also, losing semen is analogous to women losing life force through menstruation. You’ll notice they are similarly irritable then, just like most men are after they cum. NOt that it needs pointing out, but if you blew a nut three days in a row at age 38 or whatever, hell yeah youre lacking some dopamine in your brain. Youre tapped out pleasure wise. I personally think the torture of satiation is better than the torture of not being able to get your desires met. And there we just have to accept the relatively better position we’re in, and remember that the struggle is what fulfills us, and will return again. Once the sack is full again.

    • Interesting, thanks for sharing. I ejaculated in a girl a couple hours ago leaving a load of a couple days and guess what – I instantly fell ill at home. Seems like I depleted myself of vital energy which was the difference between immune system winning and losing.

  7. It’s like golf, eventually you’re competing against yourself. I stopped running the half-marathon a few years back after I came in the top 500 of the entire race—no mean feat considering my age (mid-40’s) and the wide competition. I still run but have focused on other things.

    Last year I banged 13 girls…most below 30, most above 7. Now what? It’s a first world problem for me now….what do I really want? It’s an ongoing process…I meet a great girl…but she lives too far away….I bang a hot 20’s girl…but she’s demanding and overly negative…

    My crazy ex gf comes back out of no where…but why bother working to re-connect when I’ve got much better prospects?

    What game has helped me with is to avoid “Settling”…I just texted a girl who was dicking me around to stop playing games…”That might work for a guy without options, but it won’t work on me.” How many dudes would say that?

    When I walk away from girls who are acting up…they’re surprised. NO guy has ever done that. Do a deeper dive into that dynamic and I realize game has set me apart in ways much deeper than just being able to bang girls…

    My confidence is better because I don’t “worry” much about girls in my life…But that nagging feeling of “What if it was just a lucky streak?” creeps into my head….the conflict between Red Pill resonance and Blue Pill complacency is an inner game struggle.

    It’s like I can easily recognize patterns, IOI’s, and it becomes a case of how to chose rather than “What should I do?”

  8. Dude, have you ever thought about scheduling your approaches? I started doing it, its a more balanced approach to gaming and might be worth a try. Basically create schedules where you approach and don’t approach outside of those no matter what. Even if a hottie walks past, tell yourself “abundance, plenty of those to come”. When you are out on your regular schedule be more focused and enthusiastic, since this is the time to hunt now. [No, I do the opposite. I approach when I feel like it. The only time I’ll deliberately exercise discipline is at the beginning of a holiday for a number farm. K.]

    • Yeah but thats the problem don’t you think? Its mentally exhausting to always think whether to approach or not. Its our primal instinct to fear the approach, we conquer it by just doing it anyway. The whole process can be mentally draining over time. I know all the talk about game is a life style, you can do approaches everywhere and every time. And on paper it sounds great, but can you really do it over a longer period of time.You said yourself, when you see a hotie you start thinking, you come up with reasons not to do it, then you battle yourself and think about how to do it, then you might do it. You don’t allow your brain to relax, like reading that book or doing whatever. Seems like its fighting our hardwired nature, it can be done but it costs us…

      • I feel You, man. To me it also seems like I can’t just switch it off. Hunting for new genitals became a habit of mind which is quite draining but most importantly – keeps me unfocused on my daily goals.

      • @Tommy I don’t think we’re fighting our “hardwired nature”….I think it’s a case of wanting to avoid slipping into complacency….the idea that “Comfort” is complacency…..I”m ok with NOT approaching….I’m fine with NOT banging girls weekly….seems like a rationalization rather than resolve.

        Getting over that mindset is a challenge. When I first got into game, banging chicks was a goal….now that I’ve done it…what’s the NEXT goal? Is there one? Is being “selective” an option or does it weaken your game/mindset?

        These are just questions I’m now trying to understand from an “inner-game” perspective…. Is being able to pull good enough? Do I need a mini harem to show for it?

  9. “Sex isn’t the problem. It’s the chasing sex that tires the men out. I’ve noticed this. I have an inability to produce anything of consequence while on a Euro Jaunt.”

    Very well said. Despite all the negativity and dogma of avoiding LTRs / girlfriends in the Manosphere, I’m slowly becoming convinced that entering into an LTR with a girl that is up to my standard is fine, as long as it’s coming from a place of abundance and choice rather than neediness. I’ve realized that I can always pick up where I left off in day game when the time is right. It might sound like a fancy way of justifying avoidance but it’s not.

    This is especially important if a man wants more focus and energies for a period of time to dedicate to other pursuits such as building a business that will in the long run add to his long term happiness. The girlfriend can provide sexual outlet and pleasant feminine companionship while the man strives to work on other projects. Napoleon Hill called this the “transmutation of sexual energy” and while I’m not so extreme as to advocate complete celibacy the principle can be similarly applied.

  10. Interestingly I was at a cross roads myself around November last year, I’d started daygaming and was enjoying it or I could go back to a relationship that had ended a month earlier. I chose to go back to the relationship partly on the basis that I had been reading this blog and you didn’t seem particularly happy. I now see why.

    Anyway, relationship over, back to game and you seem much more chipper in your recent posts

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