I remember a time when I had to figure out how to talk to girls on Facebook chat, figure out how to run attraction and escalate girls who might be a thousand miles away so that next time we are in the same town they’ll want to see me. Mostly I started by watching JJ‘s text game and then adapting it to the different medium. Then I added in some of Toe‘s future projections and silly brown cardigan photos and gifs. Gradually, I built up mini-routines and a feel for the medium. Now it’s child’s play. I barely need to pay attention to run chats like this one on a cute Mexican.
I’m sitting in a hammock on the edge of a small island in Belize. There’s cheering coming from the beach bar where everyone is watching Spanish football. The splashes from people diving into the sea occasionally spray me. The Mexican girl I kiss-closed after an instant date last week comes online. This is our second chat.
Me: oi! Mexican!
Her: hi british!! u still there??
Me: gonna go to Playa again tomorrow then home to London
Her: perfect do you miss london?? u must came to mexico dont go london came mexico pleaseeee hehehehe or you gonna invite me to london??
Me: London is my favourite city. I’m looking forward to going home You can visit me in London. I’ll make you a cup of tea
Her: hahahahah sorry i dont like tea but 4 u i can make an exeption right!! but i think its so expensive travel there hehehe are u gonna invite me everything???hahaha
Me: just a cup of tea maybe a biscuit don’t be greedy
Her: greedy???what the meaning of that??
Me: I’ll take you to Tower Bridge at the river then throw you in the water
Her: cool thats sound so romantic hahahah kidding sounds cool hahahaha dosent matter i swim very well u seally boy!!!
Me: Of course, when you get to my room your panties will be on the floor within 60 seconds I’ll pick you up across my shoulders spin you around, make you giggle and scream throw you naked onto my bed and then go downstairs and watch tv
Her: hahahaha are u nuts??? but thinking in all u write i like the idea so i want it so if you want me there in your hose send me the ticket to go but one thing are you sure??cause u are gonna fall in love with me hehehehe
Me: I might fall in love with your cooking if its good but probably it’ll poison me how will you make me fall in love with you? I’m not an easy man to please
Her: ohhh perfect so first with my cooking,second 4 my kisses,3th becase i a funny and intersting girl 4th i will teach you spanish cause we dont always gonna be speaking in inglish 5th cause im gonna make u love like never no one do it to u and when ever u want and the way u want and i dont know so many things that its better to demostrate u than write it so how do you see??
Me: yes, yes….. but are you good at video games?
Her: of course i love it well im gonna be honest for the futball videogames i suck but u can tach me or i can learn until i see u again hehehehe i can go with u on april moth that i have vacations
Me: my image of a perfect woman is…. 1. good cooking 2. plays video games 3. doesn’t talk when I watch TV 4. frequent blowjobs
Her: i can be your perfect woman
Me: 5. good cooking
Her: my image of perfect man is……good lover big dick hahaha and that he works a lot or rich
Me: I’m lazy, poor and badly dressed maybe I should find you a better husband I’m only good for sex, eating your food, and telling you what to do especially the food mmmmm…… food… I love cheeseburgers mmmmm with bacon and BBQ sauce
Her: of course u dont,and let me tell u that i saw your piks and u are a handsome guy thats another point of my image of man,another thing he must cook to,that he be polite,that he makes me feel that i am the only girl in his world even i dosent hahahaha
Me: my grandmother thinks I’m beautiful
Her: that he makes me laugh i dont know what else that every day we make something diferent cool and onforgetible i love to the cheese burgers…food its the best in the world and my favorite thing y the bacon mmmm i can marry with a bacon hahaha
Me: So you want a wild sex (and cooking) holiday in London in April? hmmmmm. I’ll need to check my diary
Her: well we just can be lovers boyfriend i dont know hahahaha until you look 4 my a good husband so what do u think??
Me: I’m only 50% convinced I must have more information about your suitability as a lover and cook What size are your breasts, waist, and hips?
Her: hahahahaha well look your busy diary and let me know hahahaha but i really love to have that wild and sexy and amazing holiday in london with u!!!muuuuuak my bby
Me: 3 sizes please, young lady…
Her: 3 sizes???what do u mean sorry i dont understand hahahaha explain!!
Me: what size are your breasts, waist and hips? don’t make me repeat myself. I get very hungry when I have to repeat myself
Her: hahahahahaa calm down ok!!!!and i dont know my sizes sorry but i can tell u that i have a pretty buddy more ass tan breast and thin and tall hahaha but i will chek my sizes and i let u know another day u hungry man!!hahahaha
Me: I’m thinking about late lunch. Taco I’ll need a photo
Her: ok u can check my piks and if you want a pik u must send me on of u fisrt in boxers my mail is [email address] and im late to lunch too so i have to go see u soon be good and dont forget me hehehehe i send u a very big kiss dear bye bye my piks of face of course!!!
Me: check your mail later enjoy your lunch
Her: perfect bye bye
I send her this:
Here it is [name]. Don’t get too wet. I know I’m sexy. Now your turn. I want to see tits and ass.
January 27, 2012 at 1:29 am
How can that be a Krauser action toy? He’s got hair…
January 27, 2012 at 9:18 am
lol Jimmy, a lesser man would have developed a neurosis by now.
As usual, these facebook chats perfectly executed to get those panties wet…
January 27, 2012 at 6:48 pm
Good text game sequence.
BTW,why doesn’t Kraus reply to any of his blog comments?
[I’m whimsical. K.]
January 30, 2012 at 3:28 am
I just #closed a friend’s wife over Facebook. He knows she is attracted to me. We’ve never met face to face. This game thing is serious business.
January 31, 2012 at 12:18 am
Why would you do that to a friend?
January 30, 2012 at 6:31 pm
Not seeing “attraction material” here. Just a frame war between a chick that wants you to pay for her shit in return for putting out.
December 23, 2012 at 1:22 am
Who cares? She’s investing in the conversation, he’s dictating the terms.She’s buying into the frame and not ignoring or giving attitude. Both are having fun.
Maybe you’re right and they won’t connect because he doesnt pay for her to fly to London, but if she visits London on her own then she knows up front how its gonna be on his terms
December 23, 2012 at 1:18 am
Awesome..and your photo is hilarious