I bang my first Chinese tourist in Cuba

January 19, 2012

First things first – this was not a Cuban whore (which obviously wouldn’t count). She was a travelling Beijing girl and I didn’t spend a penny on her, so it’s a fully-fledged flag‘n’tags. It begins on my second day in Havana when Toe and I go to rendevous with a new Greek friend in Hemingway’s Floridita bar for a mohito and cigar. Greek dude is a big husky 41yr old who used to tour guide the holiday islands – he’s knobbed alot of slutty tourists – and we like him. While at the bar I open a little asian girl who is sitting by herself then bring her back to our table. We all move on to a couple of other bars and she’s into me but I’m getting horrendously drunk without realising it. Suddenly I stand up and the world is spinning. It’s shocking. Approaching midnight as we all walk up the main square I try cavemanning and verbally escalating her but I’m so drunk I can’t stand straight so when she attacks me with her umbrella I fall flat on my arse, laughing. She chases me down the street trying to hit me with her umbrella before Greek restrains her. I stagger home and assume that’s the end of it.

Something like this in Floridita

A few days later its Friday night and we plan to hit Casa de Musica, the “hip” club in Havana, after a few cuba libres in our apartment. Just as we are walking home, about 8pm, some street whore is standing on the corner so we say hello and walk on. Some big fat old American tries to buy her but she seems to dislike him and instead follows us up the stairs to the apartment. Because Toe is at the back he says it’s his set to try and shore. Whatever, she’s rather grotty. So she joins us for rum and it’s just a laid back fun drink. She starts flicking through a video games magazine I left lying around so I show her my Nintendo 3DS which she loves, regressing like a little girl, cooing and chuckling. I put the headphones on her and we leave her in the world of Zelda for half an hour as we chat amongst ourselves. When she wants to go Toe undresses her in his room saying “no dinero, no dinero”. It seems on. He’s about to get his shoring (and Cuban flag) when she suddenly has second thoughts. She leaves, we drink, then at 11pm hit the club.

Zelda, yesterday

After nearly having to slap a few queue jumpers outside we stroll into Casa de Musica and it’s like being on a different planet, Planet Smoking Hot Women. It is jam-packed wall to wall with 7+s. I’ve never seen so many 9s in one place, not even in Estonia. All week I’d been disappointed with the standard of Cuban women but now I realise where they’ve all been hiding. And they are all hitting on us (them being whores, we don’t kid ourselves). Although we are quite aware what’s going on it is still a shock to the system on a primal level to have half a dozen truly beautiful girls competing for our attention at any one time. Our forebrains may well be saying “they are whores, don’t feel special” but our hindbrains are “woo!hoo!woot!woot!” It’s early days and I’ve heard they are very expensive here ($100) so I say to Toe “let’s just treat this as bar game practice. We’ve got a chance to tease and mess with a flock of stunning girls and they are going to stand there and take it. It would be so hard to get this chance in London so let’s drill it into ourselves to tease them.” My vibe is great anyway. So we start tooling these girls and they are biting hard, playing along. I sense it’s gonna be a great night of douchebaggery. Soon I’m locked in with the most beautiful girl whore in the club, a tall brunette who is quite possibly a 10, while I keep playing kids pranks on her and making everyone laugh. She asks me if I want the fucky-fucky so I tell her I’m here to drink beer with my friends but maybe later. I’m expecting her to move on to other leads but she hangs around. Then, unexpectedly, the Chinese bird turns up (we’ve nicknamed her Ming-Ming).

sans umbrella

She starts throwing herself at me. Oh how lucky it is I met you again, it’s my last night in Cuba, I want to have a special night etc. Quite a change from the last time I saw her. I have a dilemma.

  1. Game up the whore 10 until she lowers her price enough to make it worth taking her home. The incentive is it’ll be a night of great sex with an unbelievably hot woman. The drawback is it’ll cost alot of money and, with her being a whore, there is no validation whatsoever in banging her. Like having the best wank of your life. Great fun, but just gratification. or,
  2. Take home the Chinese 6 for free to get a new flag and return the F-Town dogtags to their rightful owner.

Toe says to bang the chink then come back to the club. So I pull her outside on the promise of rum in my apartment. She follows eagerly. I’m thinking I can get her done within an hour and then get back to my night out but a fearsome case of LMR rears it’s ugly head. It takes over an hour to close her. First she rebuffs the kiss, then the breasts, and so on as I gradually get her undressed. I have to hold her down and she’s protesting with hard token resistance. It’s so borderline that to be sure I go into the bathroom for a few minutes just so I can leave her alone in my room with a clear line to the door if she wants to leave. She stays. Ok, definitely token resistance. She’s giving me the “you are not going to fuck me” routine right up until she asks “do you have a condom?” Bloody LMR. If it wasn’t for the double-whammy of flag n tags I would’ve thrown her out.

On the plus side, once I do get my cock inside her she becomes very good. She tells me I’m the fifth guy to fuck her (she’s 28). After the first time we go to the end of the street for pizza then I bring her back in and fuck her again. She’s all over me by now having been thoroughly tamed. I nail her hard then finally decide to head back to the club but I’ve misjudged it. As I open the front door Toe is outside without his keys, a toothless hophead local guy next to him hassling for spare change. I rush to the club, Ming-Ming in tow, but it’s throwing out time. I quickly scan the room for hot whores but they have all left or paired up. So I return empty handed, by which time Toe has a beautiful girl whore with him that he knocked down to $50.

So I missed a great night but got a good flag. Shame she wasn’t hotter.

Learning points

  • Just cos a girl thinks you’re a drunken arsehole one night doesn’t mean she won’t secretly like it, think about it, then come back for more
  • When a girl is ready to be extracted, don’t waste time. It took ten minutes from bumping into her again to leaving the club
  • Notice the difference between token resistance and real resistance. The easy way is to give a girl chances to leave and see if she takes them


  1. WTF is a mohito? I hope it tastes as good as a mojito.

  2. Well played, sir!

  3. Interesting. What’s the vibe those hottie whores are giving off? Are they hardened pros or do you think they can be shored with fluent spanish? A trick could be to make it clear your just there for beers and party but then get their number and call them up the next day for an innocent rendezvous in daylight, when they’re not in business mode. But my bet is they will always expect some form of payment be it money or an expensive dinner.

    • That’s basically what I was doing. Being in the same place a couple of times and get my face known. There’s that English tourist who is here for a few weeks doing some cool things.
      They’d hit on me in the whore way and I’d rebuff it. Then maybe a few days later once I’d friend zoned them I’d ask them the name of a good club. They’d say ‘XYZ Place’ and I’d say ‘cool, grab us a taxi let’s go, now’. Once basically there I’d escalate them. Often they didn’t ask for money but if they ever did I just told them straight ‘I am not a man who pays for sex’. Then continue to escalate.

      It’s borderline. They were with me to get into good clubs. But they were with me, hot and I wasn’t paying.

      • Good tactic. So, to recap:

        1. Game them in that whore club but let them know you’re “a man who doesn’t pay for sex”.
        2. If she bites, move her elsewhere.
        3. Elsewhere, game her hard and escalate but negate any askings for money.
        4. Bang her and refuse to pay her if she asks again (“I told you my dear and you know it…”)

        A quick glance in her eyes and a few words exchanged should have you separate honest ones from the greedy shark types (avoid those as they will cause trouble and headache, steal etc.).

        Thinking about it I don’t see any problem with paying her entrance and a couple drinks. In Latin society the man is still expected to pay her bills, even on regular dates.

        As long as you don’t give her cash for the bang it still counts as shoring. Pat yourself on the back.

        If she’s the hottest chick you’ve ever met in your life try negotiating her down to $ 20-60 for a bang or an all-nighter and just enjoy the fun. Life is short.

  4. Nice!

    LMR is beyond a joke in China. I shit you not it is quite common for Chinese guys to have to fake hold down their girlfriends and fake force themselves on them because the girls minds are so fucked up they think any woman who doesn’t have to be bullied into sex is a whore. Afterwards they sometimes thank the guys for “saving them face”.

  5. I would guess it’s a whole lot easier to score E. Asian girls when they’re on holiday, at least if you can do it without any girlfriends she’s traveling with. The whole face in the community thing wouldn’t apply nearly as much, I wouldn’t think. This is however entirely theoretical on my part; never done it with one on overseas holiday.

  6. Hey Krause,is this the first Chinese you ever banged period? [yes]

  7. BTW,good lay report.

    Since she gave so much token resistances and LMR,the average guy would’ve probably thrown in the towel.You’re a vet Kraus,so this obviously wouldn’t have phased you lol.

    I plan on hitting up Cuba early this year.That spot Casa de Musica sounds like my kind of place.

  8. 4. Bang her and refuse to pay her if she asks again (“I told you my dear and you know it…”)

    Probably a great way to end up dead and never found in a lot of countries when you pull this off and her pimp doesn’t appreciate it.

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  10. “bang the chink”…charming.

  11. You guys do need some help. I’m Cuban and though I live in Miami I go to Cuba 3 times a year. I’ll post tomorrow a few tips you guys are missing. Cuba really is totally different from any other country.

    I’ll also post a list of the hottest spots to visit.

    [much appreciated. I know Ill be back there sometime. K]

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  16. you’re an insolent little prick. can’t wait until the Chinese female army invades your puny ass country and you’re given your just punishment for this article.
    -from The Great United States of America

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