The french hamster has a love interest

April 21, 2011

It’s a sunny day and I’m in the garden relaxing with the RSG gang. I open up a few chats, of which this is the most notable. My plan with this girl is to just keep the comfort / rapport going and some light simmering attraction while I wait for her next birthday, because she’s a bit younger than I’m comfortable with. Over time I should be collecting the soul and then I’ll ramp it up when the time is right.

This chat is interesting because I have to deal with the reality that she’s in another country and has other romantic interests who are closer to her and have longer history. So above all I can’t be getting jealous. Rather, I accept it as inevitable and simply work on my position relative to his.

oooh la la

Me: the french hamster    [attraction refresh, keep the frame as she’s a bratty little kid]
Her: yo !
Me: they could make a good cartoon show about you    [I’m about to go into a little tease story]
Her: tell me what you do when someone that you really love don’t want to forgive you ?    MDR    LOOL    [instead it sounds like she won’t be listening cos she has something on her mind, so I snip myself and take what she’s offering. It’s a good rapport opportunity and she’s basically looking for advice, which is an easy way to position myself and reframe her reality]
Me: it’s ok, I forgive you
Her: MDRRR    no seriously
Me: don’t know. Tell me the story, so I can understand the situation    [I don’t give advice without knowing facts, and I want her to invest. This is a good chance to see how she thinks. Also, I genuinely want to help her if she needs it. It’s not all games]
Her: well .. a friend was dating a girl for 3 years now but she cheated on him    so he left her    his ex add me on face    and was asking me to tell her what    was on his facebook pasge    so i was telling her    but i was about to date this gay
Me: gay or guy?   [low hanging fruit, but also my frame is that this is just kids stuff and easy for me to advise upon from my position of maturity]
Her: guy    lol    :p
Me: maybe both….
Her: MDR    so    he knew it and he tols me to never speak with him again    and he deleted me    ect    and now    i apologized and everithing    but he doesnt want to forgive    –‘    for a stupid story like this
Me: ok, let me paraphrase this     translate from girl logic…   [attraction, leading, reframing]
Her: lol
Me: 1. You wanted to date a guy. He’s already your friend. Not a stranger.    2. You became facebook friends with his ex. You told her some things about his current life   [making it obvious I can talk about these things without being weird, and that I’m not trying to talk her out of it]
Her: Yes
Me: 3. He finds out you are talking to her. He gets worried. [position him as a worrier] He feels you have betrayed him, somehow    4. He gets angry, and throws all his toys out of the pram. [position him as reactive]    5. You are disappointed, because you can’t date him now. And extra-disappointed because he might stop being friends with you [rapport with her]    is this correct?
Her: oui    this is exactly that    !
Me: does he know you fancy him?
Her: yes    but him too
Me: so you fancy him, he fancies you?
Her: yes
Me: even though you look like a hamster? [attraction in the push]
Her: yes even though i look like a hamster    :p
[her internet cuts out for 10 minutes]
Her: im back
Me: your internet sucks    ok, my thoughts…..    It’s just a little temper tantrum    from him    he’s still a boy, learning to be a man [position him, I’m assuming he’s also a teenager]    so he’s learning about trust. He’s learning that a man does not accept bad behaviour from his woman [implication is I don’t either and I know what a real man is because I am one]     but it is new for him, so he has over-reacted     you did nothing badly wrong    you should not have told her things from his facebook [but I do have to tell her off for bad behaviour, not just validate her]     but it’s just kids stuff
Her: ok ok ..    so i wait for him to come back     or    what do i do now ?  [a sign of trust]
Me: There’s no obvious right answer    Kids change their mind all the time. They are unstable
Her: he’s 21    i dont think that he’s still a kid    lol  [a surprise]
Me: Hmmmmm    Keep your dignity    give him some time, don’t get emotional and needy
and then     when he is ready, he’ll calm down and talk to you again    if he still likes you  [which is the same advice I’d give a kid sister]
Her: ok lol    thank you    🙂
Me: it’ll be fine    but here’s some life advice for you……    Boys come and go. Girls come and go.    Never get too excited about one person    Don’t weaken yourself and do things that make you feel bad, just to impress somebody else  [again, genuine advice]
Her: lol    thank you 😉
Me: I’m thinking of buying a hammock [and snip]
Her: oh yeah    its a great idea    !!
Me: I want to be a pirate 🙂    We have a big garden. We’ve been sitting outside, drinking juice, listening to music    would be perfect to have a few hammocks between the trees
Her: yeaah i love hammocks    its amazing    when its sunny

Four hours later she pops up again.

Her: You know about the guy i was talking about    evererithings good 🙂    i told him to call me    and i explains everithing    soo its ok    🙂
Me: well done    I’m glad you fixed it
Her: 😀

You can never control a girl. You can only control yourself and your response to her. She’ll break up with him eventually, or I’ll just steal her off him. But for the next six months I’m not interested in any of it.


  1. It is tough. Jealousy is a human emotion that exists in all of us. Any secret to keeping that in check?

    The reality is every girl you meet is going to have other guys in the picture – beta orbiters as some would call them,but also guys they are genuinely interested in and attracted to as well.

    No girl is going to drop or rid themselves of outside male attention just because their in a relationship. Even married women flirt.

    [I’m not jealous because I have other girls to occupy my time and it’s neither here nor there if I fuck this particular girl. Betas get jealous. Alphas go out and get another girl. What I mean in this post is that I have to avoid showing any sign that she might emotionally interpret as jealously. K.]

  2. Two of my best long games have got boyfriends now. Just what goes down in long game town. Hot girls get men.

  3. This. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Having recently been informed by someone that she’s picked up a new potential, I was all in my head about it this weekend. Thinking about how I could have played it differently, kicking myself for missing an opportunity, etc.

    Very important for me is to avoid showing signs that could be interpreted as jealousy. I think I did a good job with that this time, but I’m notoriously bad at masking my true feelings. Either way I know I have to get out there and focus my attentions on other women, but should I completely cut this one off?

    [No. Just be her friend. Keep passively DHVing, rapport-building. Don’t ever try to denigrate her BF or try to talk her out of it. Then she’ll either come to you or she won’t, but you won’t have lost your “in” with her and won’t have lost your dignity. For now, consider her on the back-burner. K.]

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