Friday 4th September 2009. I’m at Cargo again, this time with Paddy, Dutch and an old friend Smooth. I open strong with a Spanish 2-set sitting in the beer garden, get IOIs, then roll off five minutes in planning to reopen later. It’s only 9pm. Bad move, as they’ve disappeared later. I open more sets and generally happy with things. I get myself into the dance area to raise my state, doing stupid self-amused shit like the box dance. It’s gradually working and by the time I’m finished I’m feeling pretty good and in the mood for douchebag game.
The idea came from watching Ace in a model party I was at the week before. He’s absolutely mastered the wildman/arsehole/charmer persona to the point he can do things reminiscent of when Neo bends the matrix to his will. I was sitting on a sofa with the two HB8 Asians I’d brought along. [see early day game post for the initial sarge]
Ace: Hey Krauser! Great to see you again *sits down opposite, ignores girls*
Krauser: Glad you could make it. How’s things? [bear in mind I’d only met him twice before, briefly, and only because he’s friends with a couple of instructors I know]
Ace: So, who’s these two bitches? *indicates dismissively at HB8 Asians*
HB Asians: Uh???? *look of outraged shock*
Within thirty seconds they’ve softened and chatting to him. Another two minutes and my target’s friend is climbing all over him. He tolerates her for a while, then ignores her to talk to me, then walks off.
I’m astounded. He’s just massively DHV’d me in front of the target both explicitly through treating me like an old friend and an equal, and also implicitly by him being so fucking cool that I must be cool to be getting DHV’d off a guy like that. Classic wing work. Better still, a reference experience has just clicked into place in my mind – I have just witnessed a cameo of douchebag game perfection. I wanna learn that.
Seeing as I’m naturally a total cunt, I figure I can do it.
Fast forward to Cargo and me and Dutch walk over to a standing 3-set. Time to try douchebag game.
Krauser: Hey girls *aggressively*. Spiderman or Hulk?
3-set: Uh? *I have their attention*
Krauser: Spiderman or Hulk. Quickly, first thing that comes to your mind. *points at HB5 obstacle*
HB5a: Uh, Spiderman
*I’m bodyrocking, showing impatience*
Krauser: You girls are hopeless *make like walking off, turn back* Ok. This is why. I’ve got an important meeting at work on Monday and have got to present to the execs, so I figure if I have a superhero on my boxer shorts I’ll be taking their power into the meeting.
3-set: *laughs – start blabbing on about Hulk and Spiderman. I’ve hooked good*
Unfortunately I’m dominating the set so hard that my wing is kinda silent. There’s no gap in my leading for anyone to even dream of doing anything other than bending to my will. I start to neg the target by ignoring her and engaging the obstacles:
Krauser: So what brings you girls out *to obstacles, half turned away from target*
Krauser: Hey, wait your turn. *back to obstacles*
HB5a: Blah blah
HB6: Yeah, cos…
Krauser: Hey! *finger wag*. Ok, who brought their little sister to the bar *to obstacles, who laugh*
Krauser: Look *addressing her directly for the first time*. If you want to join the adult conversation you have to think of something interesting to say* thirty seconds of chat with obstacles pass*
HB6: I’ve thought of something.
Krauser: *resigned look of tolerance* Let’s hear it
HB6: Two days ago I was…
Krauser: Boring. *grab her and pull her in* Let’s talk about something interesting. What’s your favourite colour? [follow routine explained in my brush with celebrity post]
This is going swimmingly for about six or seven minutes and I pat her on the head, kiss her forehead and start bringing her in. I sense it’s time to roll off before I lose momentum. I turn to Dutch and say “This is boring. Let’s go”
I immediately do something similar on another 3-set but don’t hook quite so strong. They don’t dismiss us but I feel that although this is turning out way better than I hoped (I was expecting horrible crash’n’burns up the learning curve) I’m still just taking fumbling steps. We walk back to rejoin Paddy and Smooth in the beer garden.
Krauser: Paddy. Douchebag game, come on!
Paddy: Let’s do it!
We walk around the corner and then I see them – the two Somali sisters from last month. The HB7 I k-closed. The one who cut me off on the phone when I called back, then 2 weeks later sent me a text saying “wana fuck?” but then nothing more. And her HB6 sister who is a really sweet girl I befriended first time.
I recognise them. I stare – mock threatening and lots of sexual energy. They see me and hold eye contact. HB7 is smiling nervously and electricty crackles between us. I’m in probably the highest state I’ve had since beginning my PUA adventure. I just stare at her for twenty seconds. Yes girl, I’m looking at you. You stuck up slut, I’m not letting you get away with that flaky shit. I storm over.
I can’t remember this word for word but it’s something like this:
Krauser: Hey *dismissively*. What are you doing in my bar? *sits down, pulls up stool for Paddy*[We are sitting round the corner of a big table. It’s me-Paddy-HB7-HB6]
HB7: Hi. Blah blah *smiling*
Krauser: *totally ignoring HB7, addresses sister* It’s great to see you again. Woah, I like the new glasses. That check pattern on the frames is cool
HB6: Thanks *demure smile* I just got them. Blah blah
Krauser: HB6, I really like you. I forgot how cool you were etc etc
HB7 keeps trying to get in to the conversation but I ignore her. Finally after about three minutes she says something and I cut her off by leaning her back and kissing her. She’s instantly up for it. Now it’s all about going for the f-close.
Paddy sees what’s happening and moves his stool to the other side to give us isolation and to take on the obstacle. From this point on I kinda let him down by more or less ignoring him and failing to DHV him etc. From talking about it later I don’t think he minds cos he’s entertained by my outrageous douchebag game.
I tell HB7 to sit on my lap and she is ultra-compliant, absolutely loving being bossed around. I engage her sister every now and then but mainly I’m doing sexual escalation talk. Stuff like:
Krauser: I think I will fuck you after all
HB7: Oh yeah?
Krauser: Yeah. ‘course I’ll punish you. First thing I’ll do when I get you back home is give you a slap. You’ll need a slapping you filthy whore. To show who’s boss.
HB7: Yeah *wriggling and smiling*
Krauser: Then I’ll just bend you over the kitchen table. Slap you again. Then do you from behind.
HB7: Ummmmmm *biting her lip*
Krauser: There’ll be some hair pulling. And maybe biting. But you’ll fucking love it.
HB7: Damn right I will
This stuff goes on for a while. I later find out from Paddy that both he and the sister could hear the whole thing and he’s trying to talk over it to her about anything at all to drown me out. Choice lines like:
Krauser: You’re kinda pretty
Krauser: But your face would look much prettier with my cock in your mouth
HB7: I agree
My douchebag meter is about to blow. What can I possibly do to top this?
I start to finger fuck her in the middle of the beer garden, in front of her sister. It’s a bit subtle because her arse is overhanging my lap on the far side so it looks like I’m just feeling her arse. She’s squirming and loving it, panting in my ear and stuff. So I drag her into a hallway, throw her against the wall and start making out. She’s bumping and grinding and fully into the sex talk. I start getting messages from the HB7 Italian Biotech girl I instant dated a couple of weeks earlier.
HB7: Who’s that?
Krauser: A girl
HB7: What girl?
Krauser: She’s my primary [bullshit, I haven’t even k-closed her]
HB7: I could be your primary *rubs my cock with her thigh*
Krauser: No, you’re too young. You wouldn’t know what to do.
HB7: Oh, I would. [long description of a lewd act]
Krauser: Nah. I’m already getting that.
HB7: Well then, we could be fuck buddies
Krauser: Woah, hold it there tiger! You haven’t even passed the audition
I’ll not go into too much detail but this kind of thing goes on for an hour. I realise the f-close will have to wait cos she’s going home with her sister and has to pick up her nephews early in the morning. So now I’m just thinking of getting what I can here and then lock in the f-close for later. So I future project the day 2
Krauser: I’ll tell you how it’ll happen when you get back to my place
HB7: Tell me
Krauser: First I’ll slap you. Obviously. Then I’ll drag you into the bedroom and throw you on the bed
Krauser: Then I’ll order you to take your clothes off
HB7: Yeah *more grinding*
Krauser: Then I’ll go and make a cup of tea
Krauser: And when I come back I expect you to be frigging yourself etc etc
I take her into the inside bar and we sit on the sofa. This has to be the highlight. We are sitting as me-HB7-sister and she’s laid her cardigan over our knees as a crude disguise. She’s got her hand down my trousers and I’m finger fucking her while discussing the weather with her sister. I think her sister is oblivious to the under-cardigan action cos she’s not stealing glances and is genuinely and easily talking. HB7 has her face buried into my shoulder to hide the tell-tale expressions.
HB6: I think she’s really drunk
Krauser: Yeah, probably. You should probably get her some water
Sister goes off. I tell HB7 I’m gonna make her orgasm right here right now. She wants to go for it. I up the pace and at the precise moment she comes she lifts her head up and squeals – and locks eye contact with her sister coming back from the bar!
Douchebag glory! Let this sink in: I have just finger fucked a girl to orgasm in the middle of a crowded bar with her sister watching. Fair to say that wasn’t in my reality four months ago.
Krauser: Right. Now you suck my cock
HB7: Ok*drag her to the entrance*
Krauser: You can suck me off in an alley
Unfortunately there’s still a massive queue outside. I ask the bouncer if we can pop out then back in but he says no, we’ll have to join the queue. Cock-blocked! We neck on the rest of the night and swap some texts on the way home:
Krauser: I’m definitely gonna do you. Hard
HB7: I guess u like me now then
HB7: *an hour later, about 4am* Nite nite Krausey 😉
She’s off to the midlands to visit family for the next two weeks. The next evening I get:
HB7: I think some1 bit ma neck last nite :-l :-l :-l
Krauser: Probably a wolf
HB7: But I dont recall seein any. Do ya?
Krauser: I hear there’s one in [my area]
HB7: Oh yh?
Krauser: Yup. And you’ll be Red Riding Hood
HB7: Then i hate them cuz am in pain :-l
Krauser: You going to [midlands] tomorrow?
HB7: Not 2mo but on mon. U were payin attension then
Krauser: Aye. I might have a bit of free time tomorrow afternoon
HB7: Da offer is 2 temptin but things r a bit wild around here
Krauser: Sure, but I’ll need a bit of notice to keep a slot free
Hb7: Will do
The next weekend I figure I should keep myself in her thoughts so I text:
Krauser: You know what you should be doing right now.
Krauser: I said…. You know what you should be doing right now
HB7: I think I might have an idea 😉 But would prefer u tellin me
Krauser: It’s sexual. I’m too shy to say it
HB7: Not with me Krausey
Krauser: You should be bouncing up and down on my cock
HB7: Hell yh 😉 only if i was in Lon
Krauser: Still not decided where to unload the first spunk. Any requests?
HB7: I dont know :-0 maybe…. am 2 shy
Krauser: Ok. I choose. Back home now. Bedtime
HB7: Am a good girl. Rite?
So if I don’t manage to f-close this I might as well kill myself.