August 29th, 2009. I’m on South Bank again with a couple of wings and I’ve lost my voice. Really, it’s a barely audible whisper. We’d tried Borough Market first but not many sets and things weren’t improving much along the river. I’m well over an hour in and haven’t approached. I don’t even think I’m choding much, the sets just aren’t there.
I can’t take much more and finally HB7 Kazhak walks by. I get five minutes or so out of her before she mentions she’s just come away from her boyfriend who is in the busker band under the bridge. Next is a petite HB7 Italian and HB7 Chinese who both give me the no-speaky-English rountine. Now I’m thinking I need to take on a real challenge and boost my state.
The God of Pick Up delivers. I spot a tall HB8 Russian striding purposefully along the promenade. You’ll no this type of intimidator – leggy, tight clothes, sunglasses, iPod, powerful “don’t you fucking dare talk to me” body language. I open.
It’s tough at first. I have to step across her to get the stop and she looks at me with a withering “Well, out with it!” look. For about a minute and then she softens. There’s nowhere to lock in and I’m staring into the sun behind her head so I just move her into the shade. She’s from St Petersburg and is down for the day from Norwich and will return to USSR in a few days. Ok, f-close or nothing. I do my DHV boxing story and she talks about how her brother is really into fight sports. My voice is struggling but she doesn’t seem to care.
Within ten minutes I bounce her to walk towards Embankment. She soon asks where we’re going (interesting – she agreed to bounce before knowing where or why) and I say I want to find an ice cream van. I get her to qualify about her home town and she describes the White Palace and stuff. I can’t really remember much of it, though I remember dropping in some DHV stories.
She seems a bit frosty to work alot of kino but I do a bit of push-pull and leading. I walk us up to the National Gallery. At first I think she’ll like it, but the whole time we are inside she’s showing no interest in the paintings. So, she’s only doing it to be with me. Cool.
Outside she sparks up and we do the question game. She’s still keeping up a vaguely bitchy persona but isn’t directly shit testing me at all. I decide to stay quiet for stretches, partly just because it’s so tough to talk cos of my voice, and she doesn’t wander off.
Krauser: Do you like Sherlock Holmes?
Krauser: Great. I’m going to show you something.
We walk to the Sherlock Holmes pub. I figure this is a smooth way to get a girl to a pub so I’ll reuse it when I’m in that end of town. It’s busy and we can’t get a table sitting together so I take her up to the beer garden for isolation. I load up the kino. I turn her to face me so we are sitting with her knees together inside my knees and I’m holding both hands. From here I do the Cube routine. It sticks well. I do another NLP and I see her cheeks pinken and the eyes dilate. She’s smiling alot more now and generally looks like the buying temperature is bubbling. Just as I’m about the try a k-close some tourists bumble in and sit behind me, in her vision. I get thrown off and bottle it. A second chance arises but another set of tourists get in the way.
I decide to try to get her to my place but am struggling for an Anti Slut Defense-preventing pretext. I tell her there’s a nice park (true). We get the train a few stops. I’m giving her rape eyes on the train and really upping the push-pull. She notices and pinkens. I get handholding on the way out the station but she breaks it off after a minute or so when she gets a text message. She says she’s only got half an hour before the train to Norwich.
Hmmmm. Is this an invite to ramp it up? A shit test? Or just solid truth?
I say there’s probably not enough time for the park but I want to drop some stuff off in my house. She follows. She has to know where this is leading. She’s coming with me. We turn onto my street. I’m starting to wonder if I made the bed this morning and where the condoms are.
Then her phone rings. Some commie-speak. She has to stay outside the flat cos I don’t get reception inside. I potter around inside with the door open, trying to look busy till she finishes.
It’s her commie pinko boyfriend. She’s looking a bit edgy now.
I lead her to my front door and go for the kiss close. She recoils. Major ASD. While she doesn’t quite run off, she only hangs around long enough to explain herself a bit. She declines my offer to walk her back to the station. It’s not worth number closing cos she’ll be back in the gulags within the week.