Sticking point #1 – Can’t avoid LJBF

September 9, 2009
krauserpua

Here’s how I wrote it for a forum to get help:

I’d appreciate help in this because I’m puzzled. Does…not….compute…..

FACTS
Day 1: I e-mail close a 20yr old HB7 Spaniard with direct day game in the City (London). Just stop her on the street and chat. Takes about 5 minutes. She’s physically keeping unusually long distance but is smiling, chatting, giving other IOIs. She’s just come to the UK about three weeks earlier.

http://img188.imageshack.us/img188/664/hb7spain.jpg

Then I have to go on a two week work trip out of London. We swap a couple of short mails, add to Facebook, and then over the two weeks we have approximately daily online game through the email function and commenting on each other’s status. Flirty and C&F. We also have two one-hour Facebook chats. I keep a sexual and C&F frame.

The first weekend I’m back, she sends a mail saying she’d like to get out the house more. I take it as a non-too-subtle Day 2 request and so on Facebook email:

HB7: U_U I wish I could go real partying to somewhere without my flat companions… quiet and nice and not drinking and with loud music… is it true that I do complain a lot
Krauser: You need some time out, having fun. I’m busy tomorrow, but I have some time on Sunday. I’m gonna be in Covent Garden, doing some shopping. Come join me and I’ll take you somewhere special. I’m not telling you where. It’ll be a surprise.
HB7: blah blah….. By the way, you must be really funny going on shoppings like a girl hahaha, and if you where not kidding me I would like to go out on sunday for a walk… blah blah [BTW, she was recovering from flu]
Krauser: blah blah….Right then, we’ll walk. I was thinking of walking along the Camden canal and up to Primrose Hill. You cook us a small picnic and we can have that when we get to the top of the Hill. We can see all of London from there, it’s really beautiful. I’m gonna be out most of today, so text me xxx xxx xxxx. But keep it short. I don’t need to learn all of Spanish history in a text

She texts me her number.

While I’m clubbing on Saturday we exchange texts including:

HB7: blah blah…. Are u having fun… because is odd you texting me if you are clubbing
Krauser: You don’t believe me? I’ll have to find a girl who does [I attach a photo I’ve just taken of me with a HB8 Malaysian in the club]

Day 2 is six hours, as described. She’s looking a bit ill, coughing alot and sweating a bit. I decide not to try a k-close on health grounds. She’s playful and simply never stops talking. I don’t know whether to try to impose my frame + run routines or to just lean back, dole out approval in small doses, and hope she talks herself into my bed. I do the latter. She remains skittish on proximity, but doesn’t resist hand holding, arm touching, hand on thigh, and playfighting. In each case I keep it short and do takeaways because I’m conscious I’m doing all the initiating.

I get her to my house for Day 3 (yesterday) with a challenge. Turns out she’s a bit of a gamer nerd so I Facebook her with:

Krauser: I challenge you to an XBox360 duel! I will beat you so bad you’ll never play games again. Gears of War 2. Ridge Race 6. Sega Rally. I am the champion. You will be my little dog
HB7: you wish… I accept the challange at Gears of War. Never played the other two. But I have to practice first!
Krauser: You: bang! bang! Me: chug-a-chug-a-chug-a! You: Aaaaaargh * dies * Me: Ha Ha Ha etc

Day 3: She’s at my place for 6 hours. We go back, pop out to the supermarket so she can carry my shopping, then back in for the gaming (which I win brutally). She’s constantly qualifying, giving IOIs, stretching out on my sofa, excitedly showing me lots of her photos and favourite youtube etc. Total energiser bunny. But every time I try to get her close for a kiss she’s running off. She keeps saying “I hate you”, “You’re mean” and throwing cushions at me with a smile. We playfight, I spank her, more light kino etc. Finally at 1am I put her on a bus home.

So what’s the deal? I think I’ve made a clear sexual frame to avoid LJBF, and she’s very enthusiatically spending six hours at my place and asking to meet again. But no kiss.

My thoughts:
– She’s still recovering from flu and might have the idea to hold off till it’s over
– She’s only 20. I’m 30+. She’s somehow overawed by that
– She’s got some intimacy issues that she doesn’t want but hasn’t overcome
– She’s wanting to LJBF me but figures she has to play act the kino to keep me around
– She’s angling for a LTR
– She really wants to be chased

Help appreciated. Oh, I find her adorable, pretty, and I’m certain she’ll be a tiger in the sack. I appreciate the abundance mentality, but I’m rather keen to close this girl.

I get some feedback then post this

I think I’m getting LJBF’d here. We’d arranged a day 4 for Sunday, to meet in a Cafe Nero at 4:30pm. By 5:15pm she hadn’t turned up (and she’d already said she’d left her phone at a friends) so I left. When I get home she Facebook chats me saying she’s been in Cafe Nero since 4:30pm (but the wrong one, around the corner). Apologises, asks to see me, said she’s had some kind of drama.

At this point I’ve just loaded up Bionic Commando on my PS3 and am settling in to an evening of gaming.

So I give her fairly short shrift, saying I’m not putting up with shit like that. She keeps asking and wants to come to see me. So I say ok, come here if you want. I’m pretty pissed off but interested to see what plays out, and figure I’ve got nothing to lose. So she comes round and I decide to be the bossy arsehole. As soon as she arrives I throw her the PS3 controller and tell her to advance me a level while I shower then I come back when I’m done and snatch the controller to play myself for 20 min while she’s sitting on the sofa trying to get my attention. I get her to cook my dinner, then I tell her I’m watching Scarface, and by the end of it she’s snuggled up on the sofa next to me.

She wants to stay the night, so I let her. I have to go to the bedroom to iron my shirts so I tell her to sit on the bed and entertain me for the 1 hour that I’m ironing. [yes, I know it would’ve been even cooler if I’d got her to do the ironing]. Finally she asks to stay the night so I let her sleep on the sofa.

But still no kiss close. I tried once early on then just pulled right back into a freezeout that lasted most of the night. Kinda funny how I was so angry at her lateness, and then just sorta switched off, that she was competing for my attention all night. But no k-close. I think I’ll draw a line under this one and move on. If she keeps inviting herself back to my place, I might humour it but I’ll use it as a chance to practice being an arsehole.

I tried being more physically dominant but again I got into that weird space where it seemed she was genuinely resisting, not just token resistance. Tried sex talk too, but she didn’t go along with it.

Thanks for the help chaps.

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