Those of you in the UK may have read The Daily Mash. For yanks, it’s like The Onion. Sometimes vignettes of other people’s lives make you feel like you’ve landed in Bizarro World where up is down and black is white. So it is with Vince Kelvin mPUA.

What a fucking clown.

While sitting in a Belgrade apartment overlooking parliament square Tom and I are talking about the realities of the pick-up community. There are some real businesses that produce good products from talented practictioners and then market them. That’s what CocaCola and Apple do in their field. Real businesses. There’s others who are pure internet scammers who have no real product but instead produce a masterful “long form sales” letters to funnel the lonely and the desperate into inputing credit card details to order a product they don’t even watch.

And then there’s low-IQ deluded chode wranglers who are so insanely lacking feedback from reality that they have become the PUA Spinal Tap. Reigning supreme amongst them is Vince Kelvin, the PUA oompa loompa. I had the honour of watching this video today. Imagine the worst dregs of spirtualism, NLP, Neil Strauss weirdo game, attempted rock star posturing all dumped into one swill bucket that’s left in the mid-day sun.

0:04 – This the only compliance he gets from a girl in the entire twenty minutes. And later we’ll see him fuck it up.

0:17 – This is the major smoke and mirrors trick he uses. Go up to girls, shower them with softly-sexualised attention and then do visual compliance tests for the camera. Note he never breaks social politeness so the girls will give soft compliance rather than be the social violators by refusing. Crucially, they don’t move. He has to orbit them to keep the set going.

0:49 – Let’s talk about calibration…… understanding the woman’s position and what she will think of your approach…..

1:38 – Spiritual mumbo jumbo. As the video progresses you’ll note a constant part of his reality-weave is to tell the chodes what they are seeing. A normal person may think “creepy guy hollering at uninterested girls” so they must be framed to see it as connection and outgoing behaviour.

3:01 – All the chodes have jobs to position Vince as the rock star pack leader. It’s highly unlikely they are paying for this “boot camp”. Really it’s not a boot camp to teach the guys, it’s a chode wrangle to patch up Vince’s false idealised self…. disguised as a bootcamp.

3:19 – That’s what fear looks like. Deep down his hindbrain isn’t fooled but enough smoke has been blown up his arse that he can’t trust his instinct and what his eyes are telling him about this grotesque parody he is living.

3:43 – This entire video, just like the “bootcamp”, is the Vince-aggrandizing show. It’s all about drawing narcisstic supply from the viewers and his chode hangers-on.

4:50 – The rock star arrives at the hotel…….. a two star hotel without any fans waiting…..

5:45 – This is why you should be sensitive to IODs in an ambush set. Look at how creeped-out she is.

6:55 – You may throw up into your mouth here. They all look so… uncomfortable. There’s massive cognitive dissonance in the chodes’ brains between the bullshit Vince has poured into their forebrain and the instinctive hindbrain reaction.

8:38 – If he talks enough about what will happen and reframes what is happening perhaps they won’t realise there are no women around.

9:17 – The gap between myth and reality is astonishing. Look at the epic size of those dumbells.

10:09 – That’s what creeped-out looks like

11:24 – More aggressive reality-weaving. So far it’s a rock tour without the music or fans. It’s literally 11 minutes of men talking to each other in cars, elevators, gym and hotel rooms about what’s gonna happen (and doesn’t actually happen). And occasionally creeping out a girl who gives no compliance.

12:21 – It’s all pull. No push, no tease, no challenging.

12:58 – Have you seen the slightest look of interest or attraction on any of the girls’ faces? They always have the look like they are thinking “Ok, just be polite, don’t add anything, and hopefully he’ll fuck off without causing a scene”

13:37 – We now enter the only section of the video where he has a girl attracted to him. Watch the girl in white carefully. She begins with good interest levels and is quite horny. Watch the eyes and subtle body language.

13:51 – That’s interest. She’s turned towards him, constantly looking at him, moves in close to look at texts. He’s successfully pawned off all his chodes to make himself King Chode. So naturally the girl responds to this parasite game. Remember the chodes are there for the sole purpose of enabling Vince’s delusional lifestyle.

14:07 – She’s mesmerised. She wants to fuck. It’s his to lose now.

14:21 – That’s the fuck me look. She needs comfort, isolation and a close. This would be a great time to walk her to another part of the hotel on a thin pretext. But of course he can’t do that because he’s addicted to the validation hits of attraction material and he needs to perform for the chodes.

14:41 – Stop playing to the camera and close the girl.

14:52 – So far it’s working. Now watch how he completely destroys the vibe by acting like a little kid who’s just won a gold star. Each successive kiss has less compliance and more desperation from him. She senses he’s fake as shit and doesn’t usually get makeouts with young girls and thus he’s far too proud of what’s happening. Her alarm bells trigger and she disengages.

15:33 – Notice he’s always leaning into her, going towards her, when he should be having her come to him. It’s to cover the lack of compliance.

15:49 – He has to make an entrance, like a rock star.

15:53 – Note the aggressive framing and postioning. Most of the *ahem* mPUAs are really gaming men not women. It’s chode wrangling. Little different to Hollywood moguls filling a silly girl’s head full of dreams and bright lights to get a grot fuck in a parking lot. Sell the dream and empty the pockets. Even better, recruit the chodes as fuel for your delusions.

16:08 – Looking around the room my main advice to these bottom-feeders would be “don’t bother”. Really. Most guys are not cut out for Game. Most of these men just need a makeover, a workout plan and then very simple social skills. They’ll find a chubby 6 who has hit 30 and needs a provider. They can marry her and have a reasonably happy life with some love and affection. Knocking over Hungarian teenagers in a coffee shop toilets will never be in their reality so stop selling them an impossible dream. It sounds harsh to mock Vince and his chode army but the simple fact is he is ruining these guys by filling their heads with unrealistic expectations and then stringing them along until they implode. It’s not healthy.

16:18 – Note his head chodes are at the front table. Feed them minor status increments over the drone chodes.

16:29 – Do you think there’s anyone on the other end of that call?

16:57 – …. ahem….. WTF? A chicken dance?

17:15 – And ironically some of his material is actually on the money. I agree with the basic thrust of this segment.

18:49 – Watch for some serious smoke and mirrors here. The editing and sequencing is designed to lead you into thinking this is an extraction and close… which it clearly isn’t. Of course if he had closed he’d find a way to prove it… such as by calling into his bedroom to get her to reply for the audio evidence there really is a girl in that room.