Nurturing my inner douchebag

January 16, 2011

It’s Saturday night in Lithuania and I’m drunk. Jimmy and I get separated in a bar as he gets dragged off to a nightclub while I’m in a set. He texts me where he’s headed then gets lost so I actually get there before him. He’s twenty minutes away. Bugger.

So I’m sitting in a nightclub by myself and don’t know anyone. Our whole nightclub method relies on building initial value with the wing. I find a quiet corner bar where few people will notice me and then nurse a drink, trying to stem the loss of value bleeding out of me. To entertain myself in the interim I start texting a bunch of girls. Here’s two of the chats.

I’m in a prime douchebag mood and I use these text exchanges to raise my state. I’m deliberately playing a character and hoping the girls see that and don’t take my messages to heart. My only rule is to keep pushing the envelope further and further till I get a strong genuine “back off” signal. I’ve kept the spelling and grammatical errors as it’s an important part of the “I’m drunk and don’t give a fuck” vibe.

This was just a bit of fun, to fill a gap in the night. I’m not holding it up as an example of “good text game”. I rarely text in this style. First girl is a 19 yr old student I opened in Camden and haven’t gotten onto a date but she responds to my texts despite having a new boyfriend. Second girl is in Lithuania and I’ve already banged her several times.

Me – In Lirghunia, can see two of evertgibng
Her – riiightt
Me – Means what exactly?? are you tewsing me
Her – Sorry? You always drunk text me… not cool
Me – Not true. 100 percent [her name] bullsheet. Drunk now but not always
Her – You drunk text me before, leave me alone
Me – Eh? What? You’re not some softy
Her – No i dont take shit from middle aged men
Me – That’s pretty mean that is. Like a dagger through my heart
Her – Cool. Have a good life
Me – Damn that’s harsh. Can I hire you to attack my enemies?
Her – Sure… yeah heres my new number [some number] text me on that and ill reply there
Me – Dunno what to do woth that. My brain isn’t 100 pect now. You being mean girl or nice girl? I prefer nice girl
Her – Oops im being mean
Me – I’m so judging you right now. I liked yoyu too. Was the red hair and cute smile
Her – I really dont care what people think of me, judging is for those less than comfortable with themselves Yeahh my boyfriend loves it too
Me – Because trying to get a rise is so immature?
Her – Rise? Nope immature doesnt come into it, you asking me out though, is juat weird
Me – You have a boyfriend? Sure, smelly. You just jel cos I iz in foreign lands
Her – are you kidding? You cunt this is costing me loads… dont text me again
Me – Students! go smash a window
Her – I will ill make sure its yours
Me – You’re such a fucking bitch. I need to introspect on why I like you

Me – I’m shitfaced :/
Her – What’s up, Nick?
Me – In [club]. Lost Jimmy. Can see two of everything
Her – Nick, go home, you are drunk. why do you text me then? I can not help you now, because I’m not there
Me – Hahaha i’s having fun. Dunnowhy
Her – I’m glad-u have a fun time. It is strange, why you text me, you are busy probably now, there is a lot of girls
Me – Not now. Don’t like goirls anymore
Her – Haha, this is the most stupid thing about you 😀 i can not believe this.don’t u like me?!
Me – Girls are rubbish. I want safe world of playstation. No shit. Just games
Her – do u think i’m rubbish?! To hide in pc world – not for strong men. Take it easy, everything not so bad
Me – I’m gonna punch someone
Her – Stop to drink and go home to sleep, alone, otherwise, we’;; not meet tomorrow….
Me – 😀 is alright. Never twleve
Her – Or u don’t have me in your sunday plans
Me – Maybe. You gonna let me fuck you in the ass?
Her – [next day] How are u today?


  1. So you´re trying to come off as more and more of a creep then?

  2. Wow. Are you really that retarded when Ur drunk? That’s amazing….

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