I’ve been reading a few internet forums and blog comments sections of late and my Innate Pattern Recognition System (IPRS, a.k.a. human brain) has noticed a rather obvious underlying message to some of the odder comments. At the surface level there seem to be a number of ostensibly different set of concerns raised and advice given. For example:
- Technique-based game is quite superficial relative to the deeper mindsets stuff.
- The PUA frame of reference is toxic, a “manipulate fear-based protocol” and really you need to move “beyond game”
- The player’s lifestyle is shallow and mind-numbing. Far better to find a Quality Girl to enjoy a meaningful relationship with.
- Chasing women is just a distraction from other more manly pursuits, such as making money or mastering a craft.
- When you dedicate yourself to picking up women you are becoming the ultimate pedastaliser because you devote your entire being to pleasing women.
- Tinder is the way forward. Just perfect your photo and learn the hacks.
I won’t bother engaging any of these positions with logic and evidence. It doesn’t really matter what their relative merits are. They could all be true or all be false and it wouldn’t matter. What I want to bring out is the fundamental behavioural advice they all agree on: Don’t cold approach.
And that’s the point. We are frollicking along the giddy heights of advanced meta-weaseling with these avoidance gems. As the functional sociologists figured way back in the 1950s, an easy heuristic to apply to any closed system is that everybody is getting something out of it. Whether this is a postive interaction (e.g. personal trainer gets paid, client gets a good workout) or a negative interaction (e.g. alcoholic gets attention, long-suffering wife gets to play martyr), all parties in the interaction get a payoff. This is explored in fascinating detail by Eric Berne in The Games People Play.
So let’s apply it to what I will collectively term the BeyondGameosphere.
Everyone feels approach anxiety. As I discuss in Daygame Mastery, AA is really how a lack of self-acceptance manifests itself in a desire to avoid real world feedback on your true value. Tom put up a video calling it Assessment Anxiety and I mostly agree with that. If you knew every girl you approach was going to like you (sex or no sex) you wouldn’t feel AA. It’s not really the approaching that worries you rather than the risk the girl might not accept you. Her acceptance is a proxy for your own self-acceptance. AA is real and releases itself into your body and mind the same way fear does. While writing on self defense, Geoff Thompson classified different types of fear according to the relationship between the action (a threat) and the timing of it’s build-up and aftermath. Have a look at this list (Adrenal Map) and tell me it doesn’t describe AA equally well. Some examples:
- Pre Post-Fight Fear = the fear of consequences after a fight. This would be your future projection of how bad you think you’ll feel after a day getting blown out.
- Think-Fight Fear = anticipation of confrontation. This is routine AA, a heightened anxiety as you think about approaching.
- Pre-Fight Fear = the fast adrenalin dump of immediate and unanticipated confrontation. This would be a day you don’t plan to approach and suddenly see a hottie that gets your spider sense going and you know you ought to approach.
- Double-Tap Fear = having celebrated closure too quickly, to have confrontation suddenly re-open (think of the horror movie where “dead” killer suddenly gets up again). This is when the set has been going great and you’ve calmed down into a steady state but then she does something to suggest you aren’t as far along as you thought.
- In-Post-Fight Fear = bottling out in the middle of a confrontation when you suddenly begin thinking of the consequences. The set is going well but you start the negative self-talk along the lines of “no way can this be happening! she’s so hot! don’t fuck it up!”
Adrenalin is a physical syndrome that requires a physical release. When people get Bad Feels, they find a coping strategy. Such strategies are not created equally. Some will address the cause while others merely medicate the symptoms and go no further towards improving your objective reality. The most effective AA strategy is to cold approach: deal with the fear and take right action, until you are meeting and sexing the girls you really want. But that’s also the toughest. It requires mental strength and long-term disciplined action. So there’s a whole army of snake-oil sellers offering to install advanced inner game without going to trouble of encountering Bad Feels.
The reason the BeyondGameosphere is so resilient is because everyone is bullshitting each other to anaesthetise the Bad Feels away with a heavy dose of Happy Feelz valium. The instructors provide rationalisations to do everything but cold approach: inner game, warm approach, social circle, gym, move country etc. Their superfans maintain their own position of pseudo-importance on the forums/blogs by telling numerous unlikely stories of how they’ve implemented their No Approach ideology and are now so much happier than when they were meeting dozens of pretty young women through cold approach. And the beginners get sucked in, thinking it’s possible to get good with women without doing the actual hard work.
It’s one massive circle jerk of bullshitters and scammers.
Fortunately for us, there’s a really easy heuristic to separate out the real men of game and the numerous bullshit artists trying to scam you into co-signing their avoidance bullshit. Ignore the rationales they offer and just deduce the natural behavoural advice they offer:
Does it require you to cold approach in order to have more success with women?
No? Then they are full of shit. To declare yourself “beyond game” is a classic lower-intermediate tell, signifying you’ve done enough cold approach to begin being worn down by it, but haven’t yet built yourself up to deal with it. There’s a whole community of crabs and barrel-hosts waiting to hold you in place.
* But in his defense, he does seem to advocate some approaching. His snake oil is more like a resource for other people who wish to avoid approaching