I’ll admit I’ve been having a tough time of it in Brazil. English men my age grew up with images of beautiful women on carnival floats, amazing asses hanging out of thongs on the beach, and the magic of the Socrates-Falco-Zico class of ’82. Brazil is an iconic country for us, one long beach where everyone plays volleyball and sips caipirinhas.
So I’ve been thoroughly disappointed by the women. Something went wrong between my idealised teenage vision and the actual boots-on-the-floor reality of fat grotty women. Perhaps my tastes have changed cos the hostel chodes here swear there’s lots of hotties. Just this afternoon I bumped into a US pickup coach (I spotted him taking a number of some bird in Starbucks so I said hello afterwards) and he was telling me all the hot girls are on Ipanema beach 9. Ummmmm….. not while I was there. I didn’t see anything worth talking to in two full afternoons of looking. They all had huge asses (in the wrong sense) and big flabby guts.
I’ve been looking, really I have. I spent two hours walking up Ipanema high street today and only opened six girls. That’s without weaseling a single set. Only one of them gave me the DNA-tug. Most other days I’ve seen even less.
So I’m pissing and moaning, blaming the world for my ills. My state is flat. Despite all this I get a stroke of luck. Often you just don’t know which girls will turn out well. As of this afternoon I’d only gotten three good leads in Rio.
Girl 1 – While up at Botafogo shopping mall (don’t bother) I do two sets. One is a super hot dancer who from her facebook appears to be quite famous. We spent twenty minutes chatting, her touching my arm alot and good eye contact but then she doesn’t reply to my texts. Second girl is a young student who is clad in lycra and about to start her daily run. A good set and I meet her the next night for a date where I kiss close. If I’d had better logistics I’d have pulled the trigger but I didn’t (long boring story).
Girl 2 – I’m sitting at a fruit juice stand mid-afternoon with Suave when an 18 year old buxom chick strolls past and gives me a long look. She’s a solid eight. I give chase and do a strong eye-fucking open. She speaks zero English. So I used non-verbals and the Google Translate app on my phone. It’s tortuous but her interest is so strong it works. After taking her number and facebook, I kiss close her on the street. Lots of people are watching. As I walk back to Suave some street performer who has been doing tricks with a mini-football, a middle-aged crusty black dude, comes over and shakes my hand, babbling congratulations in a toothless Portuguese.
Girl 3 – On Saturday night in Lapa I’m pretty drunk. Suave points out a curvy black girl he thinks I’ll like so I give chase. Its an easy stop and she has faltering English. I’m full of ballsy insolence and soon mini-bounce her to the kerb. Ten minutes chat and I take a number and bounce again to a nearby bar then soon kiss close. The party is winding down by 3am, an hour or so later, so I suggest a motel. She says no. I lead her to a cab and try to bundle her in. She runs away.
So which girls seems most solid?
- Girl 1 invites me to a Sunday night full moon party on Ipanema rocks. I show up and she’s lost in the crowd and makes no effort to find me, apologising three hours later by text to say she was meditating and didn’t want to check her phone. Stupid cunt.
- Girl 2 chats to me plenty on Facebook over the following day (using Google Translate) and enthusiastically agrees to a date. Then she doesn’t show. No texts to cancel. Stupid cunt.
- Girl 3 swaps occasional texts over the following few days and seems unenthusiastic. And then tonight she agrees to come out. She tries to cancel claiming no money but I tell her she must have enough for the bus and I’ll get the drinks. She texts back “OK, what is your address?” That’s the extraction handled, then.
As soon as I see her I know its on, token resistance aside. She’s dolled up nice and has tight figure-hugging clothes on. My big issue is logistics – I’m staying in a busy hostel sharing a room for eight. I decide to brass-neck it. I walk her into the lounge area where a chode-party is already in full swing (it’s past 9pm) and I’m scanning for the reception and door guys to see if they disappprove. They don’t seem to notice. Halfway into the first drink I walk her directly upstairs on the thin pretext of checking out my Facebook photos. Two lads are lying on their bunks but know not to interrupt. I’ve got my big towel hanging like a curtain over the bunk so its pretty much private. Everything following is standard escalation until half an hour later I’m fucking her.
For lulz I tell her not to make a sound. We can hear people coming in and out of the room. She’s loving the danger of it, possible to get caught at any moment. Good sex. She tells me I’m her first gringo and it was “different” to Brazilians.
So that’s three locals in a bit under three weeks here. Pretty good score considering the scraps I’m working with. I put her as a high six. No shame but I doubt I’ll call her up for seconds.
- Even when you are struggling to find targets and leads, things turn up
- Some thought, and balls, can solve shitty logistics
- When you know a girl has come to fuck don’t waste time running a long-winded date model
- Even though I pulled the trigger too fast on the idate, it didn’t wreck the set
February 28, 2013 at 4:20 am
Honest as usual…god I love Brazilian girls. How much better do you think you could do if your language skills were even intermediate?
February 28, 2013 at 5:33 am
Nick, start hitting the strip clubs…Report back
I’d be very interested to know your thoughts.
February 28, 2013 at 9:33 am
I think that how you look is a very important part while pick up girls. So I would like to know what is your style? Is it possible to show us by some photos of your. (yeah just cut the face, and show what u r wearing) I think that would help a lot of us to improve.
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February 28, 2013 at 10:42 am
I like the way *the Jabba* thinks! 🙂
February 28, 2013 at 6:11 pm
Unrelated to the post, but discuss:
photographer (male) “led” by hot russian girlfriend around the world:
March 1, 2013 at 2:32 am
Hot. That ass. Wow.
March 5, 2013 at 4:42 pm
agreed what a banging butt
February 28, 2013 at 7:26 pm
Why do I get the impression that Krauser’s 6’s are in reality 9’s LOL!? I’m serious. I’m not really the type of guy to rate chicks high, but I rarely hear Kraus’ describe his lays as 9’s and 10’s.
February 28, 2013 at 9:22 pm
So you banged two scuzzy niggers? Whoop de do!! lozolozol [You’re probably one of the guys Ricky Raw was talking about. K.]
February 28, 2013 at 10:11 pm
Lol at least he banged something.
March 1, 2013 at 5:14 am
If your future travel is flexible, check out colombia. medellin and cali have some talent, but bogota is not bad either. you won’t be disappointed. the sensuality of the girls there is unbelievable.
March 1, 2013 at 3:23 pm
I live in Sampa, but I often go to Rio for work. I am not much of a fan of Rio, it is a bit of a tough market. Because it receives the bulk of foreign tourists (many of whom are sex tourists) the locals from the higher social classes will have a bias against you. Sadly, there is a burgeoning obesity epidemic in Brasil. In the last 10 years since I first visited, I have noticed a significant expansion in guts. Similar to the US, it is predominantly among the lower classes. So you find yourself between Scylla and Charybdis.
Personally, I do not find the women in Rio to be that attractive. Given your love for Eastern European women, I cannot imagine that Rio is your kind of town. So I would suggest the following:
1) Pack your bags and go to the airport.
2) Get on a plane to Florianopolis (beach) or even better Joinville (no beach).
I think that you might find what you are looking for.
All the best… [thanks. K.]
March 3, 2013 at 1:04 am
Where is Jambone’s blog?
March 3, 2013 at 3:42 am
Out of curiosity, why stay in a hostel and run the risk of a lot more LMR instead of airbnbing an apartment? [Price. K.]
March 3, 2013 at 3:12 pm
I stayed in a hostel in Copacabana about 5 years ago ,and there’s this big party thing called a favela rave that is up in the sticks ,we got our own VIP section overlooking the whole warehouse and 2 security guards guarding our section to keep the rif raf out , but also to let the hotties in that we choose.
We were like fuckin rockstars with all girls wanting to party with us ,and we’d tell security what girls we like to come in have a drink dance and whatever.From what I gathered of all the boys that got laid that night none of the girls were pros.The only scary thing some said was they want back to the girls house in the favela afterwards and walking down that hill in the morning was scary shit but the girls made sure they were all ok.,
There was plently of talent to choose from, but yea see if you can find out about a favela rave ,there run by all the druglords and shit ,but seemed pretty legit ,and was best night I had in brazil
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March 5, 2013 at 5:27 am
TO Krauser and all Rio visitors: The glamour beach is now in Barra de TIjuca and is about a 20min taxi ride from Ipanema. There is a certain posto there – not sure the number. Scout carefully and you will find the glamour beach – it’s there. I would add that Ipanema, Leblon and Barra are as expensive as NYC these days, maybe even Moscow. Hard to believe, but true.
March 6, 2013 at 1:19 pm
very random question can i ask for your opinion on these alpha behaviours from this article? http://www.bodylanguageuniversity.com/public/239.cfm what you say that this is good or shit… thanks
March 9, 2013 at 12:09 am
“Your pension is your health, marketability, expense control and investments… in that order”
Krauser, welcome back to the first world – let’s get back to Alpha business
March 11, 2013 at 4:45 am
Brasil is a continental size country. You shouldn’t make general references about Brazil once you were only at Rio.
March 14, 2013 at 3:41 pm
Everything you see and hear about Brazil is just marketing. We have a lot of ugly women and the worst ones: ugly women who think they are Gisele Bündchen. I’ve been in England and United States and women looked more humble.
Brazilian girls has a disfunctional, alienated ego about themselves.
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