I’m out on bank holiday Monday with Suave doing the usual daygame. It goes pretty well and after getting a few facebooks and the number of a really hot Italian we are messing around taking photographs of elephant statues when a pair of Russian tourists walk by. I open extremely indirect by asking them to take a photo of us. Then its a simple transition and they are soon chatting and laughing. About ten minutes in I bounce them for an instant date.

This goes on for a few hours and we both think the SDL is on, but no. Doesn’t work out. I’m still a bit confused as to why. Anyway, on the way home this herb gets on the train with his asian girlfriend. Yes, it’s an iron rule of herbdom that when they have girlfriends it’s a 50/50 bet she’ll be oriental. Right away he’s clinging to her, leaning in, and flashing his ingratiating smile. He paws at her in forced rapport and you can see the disgust in her eyes. Several times she looks across at Suave and I and she seems almost embarassed. Just look at the fucker. Try not to throw up your lunch

Okay, let’s just real off the herb identifiers. These are things to avoid:

• Small girly satchel
• Intellectual glasses
• A haircut I call the “Dickinson”. Spikey in an awkward geeky manner
• Leaning into to the girl. Note she has her back straight and is reflexively leaning away from, rather than into, him
• Both arms around the girl. At the most he should have one arm carelessly draped over her shoulder. Better yet his arms are in his own space and she is clinging to them with both her hands
• As an aside, if you are sitting holding hands with a girl then only two positions are acceptable (i) you grab her hand and pull it into you space, resting you hand on your own thigh or (ii) she grabs your hand and pulls it in to her space, in which case you tolerate it but hold loosely like you’re ready to take it back at any moment
• His knees touch each other
• You can’t see it here but his toes were pointing in towards each other like some little aristocratic Chinese doll
• Pasty skin that has seen neither sun nor sweat-inducing traumatic exercise

Horrible.