Herb Sighting

May 4, 2010

I’m out on bank holiday Monday with Suave doing the usual daygame. It goes pretty well and after getting a few facebooks and the number of a really hot Italian we are messing around taking photographs of elephant statues when a pair of Russian tourists walk by. I open extremely indirect by asking them to take a photo of us. Then its a simple transition and they are soon chatting and laughing. About ten minutes in I bounce them for an instant date.

Must... start... closing...

This goes on for a few hours and we both think the SDL is on, but no. Doesn’t work out. I’m still a bit confused as to why. Anyway, on the way home this herb gets on the train with his asian girlfriend. Yes, it’s an iron rule of herbdom that when they have girlfriends it’s a 50/50 bet she’ll be oriental. Right away he’s clinging to her, leaning in, and flashing his ingratiating smile. He paws at her in forced rapport and you can see the disgust in her eyes. Several times she looks across at Suave and I and she seems almost embarassed. Just look at the fucker. Try not to throw up your lunch

Oh god no

Okay, let’s just real off the herb identifiers. These are things to avoid:

  • Small girly satchel
  • Intellectual glasses
  • A haircut I call the “Dickinson”. Spikey in an awkward geeky manner
  • Leaning into to the girl. Note she has her back straight and is reflexively leaning away from, rather than into, him
  • Both arms around the girl. At the most he should have one arm carelessly draped over her shoulder. Better yet his arms are in his own space and she is clinging to them with both her hands
  • As an aside, if you are sitting holding hands with a girl then only two positions are acceptable (i) you grab her hand and pull it into you space, resting you hand on your own thigh or (ii) she grabs your hand and pulls it in to her space, in which case you tolerate it but hold loosely like you’re ready to take it back at any moment
  • His knees touch each other
  • You can’t see it here but his toes were pointing in towards each other like some little aristocratic Chinese doll
  • Pasty skin that has seen neither sun nor sweat-inducing traumatic exercise



  1. Must…resist…urge…to…kill…herbs

  2. Oh, and get a damn haircut, you hippie!

  3. Hes not a herb, that’s a pure alpha right there. He’s so alpha he’s passed the scale motherfucker. Why is she with him? I would understand if he was abusing her or something but this?

  4. that pic is so fucked up. how did he get to this point?

  5. that’s a pretty clear index…esp. the aversion to sun or toil/physical exertion.

  6. I think I liked the previous blog design over this one. The new fonts are a bit small on my notebook.

    It’s bad enough dealing with you talking funny…

  7. what the hell is a ‘herb’?

    • I’ll give you a hunt: in this context he isn’t talking about an ingredient in Col. Sander’s Fried Chicken.

      • for the longest time i couldn’t figure why the fuck we call them that. recently i read a comment on roissy where someone said it’s of Asian origin… as in ‘garnish’, in other words a man who is a garnish or tool

  8. I was thinking herb as in ‘spotty herbert’ or as in the vegetation at the very bottom of the food pyramid upon which the animals feed.

  9. He looks like he’s holding on to her for dear life. LMFAO

  10. Herb is a subclass of beta, characterised by a deferrence to women. The term comes from “herbivore” implying the guy has no meat to him, i.e. is not a red-blooded male. Manginas are usually herbs.

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  13. Omg these dudes really annoy me i have seen this happen so many times on the bus, train, restaurants on the street you get those guys who you can tell are showing of their gf in a very needy kind of way but the worst ones have to be those guys who are with a hot girl and act like gayholes it like how long will she put up with it and the other scenario that annoys me is when the girl isnt very good looking but he still clings on to her for dear life. Honestly i could go on and on about the stuff ive seen these idiots do.

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