As you wander the streets of your hometown have a look around at the normal men and ask yourself “do they understand the concept of Value?” Generally, the answer will be no. They’ll have ill-fitting dad jeans, white trainers, those strange shapeless box shirts with garish checked patterns and a haircut like Des from Neighbours.
Everybody needs good neighbours
At some point in their teen years their dad should’ve sat them down and said “son, this is what makes you a high value man….”. Their dad failed. Likely his dad had never sat him down for the value chat either. So we have a legion of chodes whose every signal screams low value and unsurprisingly the women ignore them. Perhaps that was you. If you’re reading this then likely you never really fitted into the blue pill world. You never quite dressed the same as the chodes, you probably had a problem with authority, and you probably tended to go do your own thing and fuck the world. So much latent alpha/sigma energy trapped inside without any guidance on which direction to release it. Then you discovered Game and it was like the value chat your dad never gave you.
Aloofness. Boundaries. Charisma. Leading. Teasing. Challenging. The Mission.
I sometimes trawl the manosphere curious to read other player’s journey blogs. The quality varies widely but most share common themes of which a man discovering the concept of value and how to unlock / build his own is central to all. It’s a bumbling stumbling journey at first. Concepts never fix the first time you encounter them. Like a newly-speaking child grasping irregular verbs you tend to overapply and misapply the rules before figuring it out. One of the hardest rules of value to grasp is the distinction between internal and external value. Once grasped intellectually it’s even harder to believe in emotionally.
I’m often asked, usually by angry gammas, “what value are you offering the girls? you are barely employed, not good-looking, you don’t marry them.”
This question only makes sense to a chode. Once you grasp internal value, what I call Personal Charismatic Value, the question answers itself. It’s at the core of the Lover / Provider dichotomy and The Great Gatsby is a great example of value done wrong.
Blue pill, 1922
Gatsby is an ambitious delusional man from humble beginnings, his childhood spent aggressively reality-weaving his own mythology while living in a dingy shack. At the first opportunity he leaves home seeking…. something. The man is completely obsessed with external markers of value such as status, money, power and acceptance into exclusive social clubs. These are the things he was excluded from as a boy so from the outside looking in they seem to him like the real source of happiness. In local vernacular we’d call it a chip on his shoulder born of a nagging sense of not being good enough. “If I can only become that, I’ll be happy.”
This deep insecurity and self-loathing causes him to set up a false idealised self. If only he can become the Big Man people will accept him and then he can accept himself. He must swim through a sea of external validation in order to feed his false self – a grandiosity shark. He wants it too much so this causes tremendous cognitive dissonance between his repressed self-loathing / current position and his targeted future self. Just as with physical pain when men experience severe mental pain their moral code bends. He latches onto an eccentric millionaire during a chance meeting and then he’s off and away.
Five years later he’s Jay Gatsby, the richest and most connected man in New York. His life is one massive DHV. Exclusive parties, hobnobbing with senators and mayors, custom sports cars. beautiful girls….. and he never misses a chance to tell people he’s arrived. His history is rewritten into a personal mythology of greatness. He is living the dream. The high value lifestyle.
But of course he’s a deeply unhappy man and his life is a charade. A Potemkin Village.
A DHV story, yesterday
He has acquired all the external trappings of value without once digging deep to root out and destroy his inner demons. He has poor boundaries, fake rapport, low self-esteem and a barely suppressed rage against the world. Leonardo Di Caprio plays it beautifully to bring out the fundamental creepiness of his sham life. As an audience we are whisked into his (fake) reality via the audience identification character / empty vessel Toby Maguire. Gatsby is qualifying hard. “Look at me, look how I live! My life is so amazing!” Barely a minute goes by without dropping a grotesque DHV.
Unsurprisingly he has oneitis for some used-up tart. She represents the acceptance he can never give himself. If he can make Daisy love him again he will feel loveable. If she can deny her love for Tom then it will prove Gatsby is special. His whole reality and self-image is determined by Daisy’s evaluation. He breaks the central rule of inner game: Be more invested in yourself and your opinion of yourself than of other’s opinions of you. Most manosphere writers have brought out the movie’s lessons on female nature and oneitis. What interests me is the parallels with an intermediate player.
Gatsby worships external markers of value. He is externally referenced. He is the ultimate expression of acheiving the high value lifestyle but he’s still a chode who gets tooled by a girl.
The upper social tier, yesterday
When I read some player’s journey blogs I see the same thing. When I read my own archives I see the same thing. After a lifetime of failing to understand value you read Mystery Method and discover the DHV. Aha!….. if I can learn to tell a DHV story about driving a ferrari with Colin Farrell around the Playboy mansion before taking a VIP table in a top nightclub….
It’s all bullshit.
It took me a long time to figure it out. Little pieces dropped into place over the course of two years. At the risk of becoming a parody of the Grandiosity Shark I just outlined, let me recall some of the key moments that let me shift from the External Value frame to the Internal Value frame:
- My first catwalk model dated a successful businessman / politician for nine years. He was handsome, well-dressed, connected and flew her around the world first class for over a year before she let him fuck her. After I dumped her she dated a new millionaire former spetznas commander (now businessman) and I stole her back again to be my fuck buddy while he was proposing marriage and still hadn’t even kissed her.
- One of my Russian girls had a serious long term wants-to-marry-her higher beta boyfriend and also a Moscow sugar daddy that paid her £25k pa for the privilege of fucking her for a couple of hours every few months. I was the Lover. These two chumps the Providers.
- A random Kazhak girl I dated but didn’t fuck told me about our initial street meeting. “You had such powerful eyes. It’s obvious you have a strong character.”
- A girl I met in Top Shop had a lifestyle (provided by her ex-BF of five years) that would make Victoria Beckham blush. Several carribbean holiday homes on paradise islands. Private jets everywhere. She told me she preferred sitting in Starbucks with me. When I went to visit her for a few days she actually got a private doctor to give her injections of vitamin C to try to make her skin look better so as not to disappoint me (with hilarious after effects…)
And then the single most important piece was slotted into place last summer when I had a one-week holiday visiting my ex-GF who was the most trophy-like of trophy girls. She’s a famous actress (always sex-siren roles) who was courted by a prince of Dubai and prior to me was dating the most eligible leading man in her country’s movie industry. She is hounded by paparazzi, on TV talk shows and magazine front pages. One of her orbiters is a billionaire industrialist who throws ridiculous parties on his giant yacht. Think Megan Fox or Jessica Alba in her homeland. One day while we are eating breakfast on her balcony (yes, she cooked for me all week) she looks thoughtfully into the garden and says :
“Nick, you have the richest life of anyone I know. You are so free, so happy. You can do anything you want. I wish I had that.”
As my haters correctly point out I am barely-employed, bald, average-looking and all my worldy possessions fit into the one tiny room I live in. I have few external markers of value. Yet I get SMV-prime hotly-contested women. Not everytime but enough times to know it’s a real phenomenon. Why?
Internal value.
The very fact that I’m a man with testosterone in my system and a dick in my trousers means I have value to a woman. Then you add self-acceptance. I like who I am and how I live. Build on top of that the cornerstone characteristics of masculinity. Lastly, add the technical competence of Game in how to talk to women. That’s all the value you’ll ever need and it’s massively more value than external props can ever give you.
Good is the enemy of great. Beware the intermediate player trap. I read guys banging on about how they are trying to build up an eco-system to meet women (fashion photography, nightclub host, DJ etc) and think “sure, it’ll get you laid a little but at tremendous cost”. It still won’t help you crack the top tier because there always comes the moment when the girl looks deep into your eyes and reads your soul. Without internal value, she’s gone. Well, the top tier girls are gone. I read guys banging on about how they’ve cracked into higher social circles and I think “chip on your shoulder, externally referenced”. There are no higher social circles. I’ve spent a little time in them and once you strip away the fame, the money and the yachts they are just people. Often unhappy social climbers clinging to the greasy pole. They are no happier or cooler than people you can find sitting in Hyde Park eating cheese sandwiches from Greggs. Believing that this is a higher form of living is just strengthening your ego investment in external trappings as value and that’s a road to nowhere.
Real value is not found in VIP rooms and party invitations any more than it’s found in having 74 likes on your Facebook status. Trying to be the guy on the cover of Neil Strauss’s book is a fool’s errand. The Great Gatsby does a great job in teasing out this lesson. For as long as you focus on external value you’ll remain Provider Chump. For as long as you are climbing the greasy pole of social elevation you’ll have a chip on your shoulder. When you have internal value, Personal Charismatic Value, you need nothing more than the shirt on your back. YOU are the value. To the people in your life that is real value.
Krauser PUA 
August 21, 2013 at 2:20 pm
Nick, I’m curious what area/function of finance you specialize in. I recall reading in an earlier post that you’ve designed your lifestyle to a point where you work short term contracts for a few months to fund the remainder of your year. What area of finance allows you to do this? I can’t see this being possible in, for example, high frequency trading or M&A. I’m currently working long hours in M&A and would like to transition into a similar lifestyle. Thanks.
August 21, 2013 at 2:33 pm
Great Post.
“These are the things he was excluded from as a boy so from the outside looking in they seem to him like the real source of happiness. In local vernacular we’d call it a chip on his shoulder born of a nagging sense of not being good enough. “If I can only become that, I’ll be happy.” ”
Interestingly, it seems that a lot of PUA’s/guys interested in the red pill also have also place a lot of value on what they were excluded from as boys…access to hot pussy. Interesting how that works.
August 22, 2013 at 4:08 pm
” it seems that a lot of PUA’s/guys interested in the red pill also have also place a lot of value on what they were excluded from as boys…access to hot pussy”
You don’t say so. 🙂
August 21, 2013 at 2:43 pm
Amazing dude, you just pointed out that chicks happily blow loser sleazebags with charisma but shun earnest striving beta providers, for the 999999th time in the manosphere.
Everyone already knows this, it’s the founding issue of the manosphere.
What you are trying to advocate is idiotic. While men are striving to gain self worth by actual achievements you and other puas are basically saying that you don’t need to do anything, don’t actually try to make a difference in the world because all girls care about is swagger and an attitude. Which is true, but if all men started living like you the nigger apocalypse would be on us in no time. All you are is a dude who’s porked a bunch of chicks, probably about the same amount as the local drug dealer has had.
One one level men need to learn that what women really value is not at all what men think they value. On another level women need to stop putting out for losers with “strong eyes” and a swagger if they like not living in a third world shithole.
That’s the message you should be getting out, not patting yourself on the back for figuring out what any scumbag who started getting “good at talking to girls” figured out in the third grade. [This is what an ego investment in Provider Chump game looks like. K.]
August 21, 2013 at 4:57 pm
Chances are if you’re commenting on here or on any blog you haven’t much of a “difference in the world”. That’s perfectly normal, but don’t waste your time by kidding yourself
August 21, 2013 at 5:08 pm
I do what makes da pussy happy
August 22, 2013 at 2:23 am
You sound jealous. The local drug dealer is not banging this kind of quality
But I agree with you in terms of questioning this idea that all guys with money, power, career status are “empty inside ”
Is this always the case, or even usually the case?
Gene Simmons – “Trust me, you will be a lot happier with Money than without money”
August 22, 2013 at 2:32 am
It could be the case that you could divide these “Money/Power” guys into 2 camps:
1.Those who have not confronted their inner demons and no inner value
2. Those men who have confronted them and have inner value , despite the external trappings
Even if you get Money and the trappings, you will still be lost with girls until you’ve done #2 [True dat. K.]
August 22, 2013 at 2:14 pm
Yeah the real Don Draper fuckin loves his life lol. All that inner turmoil is nothing but a pretty lie to make the sheep sleep easier in their beds. The real stress is that theres always somebody trying to shoot you down when your at the top. Life is more comfortable in the shallow end, where I reside, but all the big rewards need regular forays in the deep end where the sharks swim.
August 22, 2013 at 2:54 pm
@sosmartnot: If any individual man builds and creates anything (an innovative invention, company, etc.) to attract women, that man’s motivations for doing so is foolish and sleazy. If, on the other hand, you can get women w/o being that provider chump, then you have realized your value as a Man. It is WHAT you are that determines your value. Not WHO you are. It’s the fact that you are a MAN that attracts women, and not that you are a wealthy wall street banker. Once you can rely on WHAT (intangible-cannot be lost except through actual/existential death) you are to attract and keep women in your life, and not rely on your career or profession to attract and keep women, then your motivation for building for the sake of civilazation and human prosperity will be justifiably morally righteous.
September 3, 2013 at 8:13 am
He is got the point.
There are two paths you have to take nowadays: player and provider.
Being a player os good for sex, but not for relationship. At some point the money question comes, especially if chick is LTR and is smart.
Just being a player is not for relationship – if thats is your goal, there must be also provider way.
Finding right woman is fucking hard, but they exists in this broken society. You really can develop together.
Call me beta/gamma/whatever. Having sex with woman who you have emotional connection with is way better than shagging new chick every night. But it is waaaaay harder than just game.
For the record – i had heart broken is worst possible way, i got my part of sdls (catwalk model level) and i still recovered and bonded. [You are a liar. K.]
August 21, 2013 at 3:15 pm
This is one of lost profound realisation I had in last two years. One thing that I haven’t yet resolved is my beta/needy feelings and need for similar connection that I had with my ex in our honeymoon period. May be you only love once… I enjoy company of other women but I me never let them get too close to me. May be I am still a little chode inside or is it just the way it is going to be for the rest of my life. How did you deal the past with your ex after all these experiences? [Everyone needs to have their heart broken once. K.]
August 21, 2013 at 3:23 pm
Krauser,
I seem to be developing myself in a very similar way, but I still haven´t cracked “top tier” girls.
My simple goal is to be able to pick up (either for one night stands, short term flings or serious relationships) the women I want, no matter what her social class is.
To be able to have the women I like. That is the succint goal of my game.
Like you, I am an INTJ, according to the Myers-Briggs personality test.
May I ask your recommendations for honing and developing this type of game that flows from the internal to the external? Books, texts, people and whatever reference you might want to give me.
Thank you
August 21, 2013 at 4:06 pm
I have a question related to value. As I understand it, value has three components: Looks, Life Path, and Game. Looks and Game are pretty simple to solve – gym, fashion, grooming, learning daygame in the streets and from some essential books and videos. You could transform yourself in 2 years (Looks, Game) if you are on the right track from the beginning. Yes, it took Yad six years, but he almost invented daygame, now you should be able to replicate that with 2 years of ruthless action.
But how important is the Life Path? By that I mean solid career, having career-related ambitions. It is now trendy to say you can just be a minimalist and live with less, but do the girls really don’t care? Aren’t people who just “follow their passion” unhappy, because passion in fact doesn’t exist, it is just being good and respected at what you do after years of hard work? Isn’t “being so good that they can’t ignore you” necessary for your value? Because when I look at successfull people, like Jobs, they didn’t follow passion, the built their life through hard work and deliberate practice, and then their power allowed them to work less, be paid more, be in charge and passionate etc.
“The ubiquitous suggestion that you must find your passion and overcome naysayers is not deep wisdom. It is, instead, the plot of a kiddie movie.
If you study real people who build remarkable lives in the real world, you find their paths are more nuanced, more complicated, and usually quite a bit more interesting. These paths tend to involve quite a bit of hard work — much of it conventional — and don’t tend to involve a lot of bold resistance to the status quo. (Society, it turns out, doesn’t care what you do for a living. It cares more about how well you do what you do.)”
I ask because I now go through a very rough period, where medical school destroys me. It’s simply too difficult, and the reasons I went there were mostly “beta hoping for high status and pussy” and “beta listening to his mother, an MD”. It’s a great job, interesting, but the time I put in is ridiculous and I’m burnt out after 4 years, the last one with very little progress from my side, which affects every other area. Sleep, fitness, social life, family…plus in recent years I realised I don’t need that to get pussy. At the same time I’m worried that if I drop out and choose something ambitious, but less demanding, I might lose value etc. because at 23 I’ll start a new college…and that maybe I am just fooling myself and I really am just lazy and nothing will be better than medical school. Which to an extent may be true. But I am certainly not happy now either.
August 21, 2013 at 4:46 pm
Think from a girl’s perspective. What Life Path will get her interested? Some ideas: martial arts, music, acting, fashion, etc. And you can probably get 80% of the bang for the buck (pun super intended*) in 2 years there too.
If you want to be Steve Jobs or a doctor then do it for YOU. Doing it for girls is a vastly over-engineered solution.
* Get it? Bang means sex, buck means male deer. Gamma level cleverness LOL.
August 21, 2013 at 7:13 pm
Ondrej, I feel your pain mate. I really do.
It’s not until you observe a girl’s behavior that you realize the truth in that career prospects and status is a load of bullshit. I have 3 beautiful and intelligent cousins, one of them a UCL graduate and medical professional who have all married jobless and hopeless men.
Of course my grandparents are devastated, but try telling them what we know in the manosphere. They simply would not understand. The truth is, there’s a thin veil covering a woman’s true nature which ‘red pill’ knowledge has uncovered.
While I do not discount status and money. The only thing I would say it’s good for is to satisfy their basic need for security and raising their child. But this only lacks importance in the modern age because men and women are equal in the workforce.
My advice is, if you want to capitalize – Learn Game and Date up.
August 22, 2013 at 10:38 am
“The truth is, there’s a thin veil covering a woman’s true nature which ‘red pill’ knowledge has uncovered.”
Woman has entered into a state of nature and become feral. Hence she chooses the cad. Woman’s entrance into a state of nature will cause Man’s entrance into a state of nature, and if Enlightenment philosophers are anything to go by, this will unravel the social compact (which itself is an armistice between men in a state of nature) and return us to a life that is nasty, brutish and short. [Women are destroyers. K.]
July 12, 2014 at 4:43 am
Hang on, I’m trying to put some ideas, stated throughout this blog, together into a consistent whole. Please excuse my putting these concepts into my own words and thus possibly distorting them:
Syllogism 1:
1a. Men’s society is based upon competence, because men are the sex that gets stuff done.
1b. A man’s man is one who earns the respect/love of other men and that can only be done by getting stuff done.
1c. Therefore an alpha male is a man’s man who is *supremely* competent at getting stuff done.
Syllogism 2:
2a. Women are most attracted to the alpha male.
2b. Women are also most attracted to the man who needs no external validation, regardless of whether he gets stuff done (see the current post).
2c. Therefore the alpha male is the man who needs no external validation, regardless of whether he gets stuff done.
But conclusions 1c and 2c contradict one another.
So there’s a flaw in my premises or reasoning, above, and I welcome comment.
August 22, 2013 at 12:16 am
A Bosnian girl once recounted an old folk saying to me that somehow has always stuck.
“Mlad delija – star prosjak.”
“Young lothario – old beggar.”
As an older guy who coaches sport, I see guys like you all the time and unlike the younger guys I see the consequences of a misspent youth.
Nut it out, a man is moulded under pressure. Your smart enough to know your limits, take less semesters, look at other avenues in the field but don’t quit because it’s hard. Throwing it back on your mothers expectations is just a rationalization for quitting.
You already know game so your not setting yourself up to be a chump, your already ahead of the curve, medicine is a transferable skill so you will be able to travel to your hearts content. [I wrote about this in my “accumulation” post. What is cool at 25 is a loser at 35. K.]
August 22, 2013 at 4:04 am
Ondrej, that feeling is a normal part of medschool, being burned out and overworked before the finish is in sight. Hang in there mate, because that feeling will pass
August 21, 2013 at 4:19 pm
I find this whole deal to pesonally be a lot more effort than it’s worth. I mean it’s fun to chase high class ass. It’s a lot of fun to bang a smoking hot chick….but I pesonally think the amount of work it takes doesn’t meet the value in provides. Call me crazy. But i’d rather hit the gym, work out, watch some great college football and just pork the easy ones that come along. Working five days a week wandering the streets trying to pick up a 10 just seems too excessive for the value it delivers. If a 10 comes along….sure I’ll make a play for it. But if it doesn’t workout..so what.
I see banging bitches a lot like buying a car. Yea, a brand new Ranger Rover Sport looks nice, it is amazing to drive and everybody will think you are a high class dude for driving one, but it cost about 75K off the car lot. Is that really worth it? On the other hand you can buy a nice new Honda Accord which looks good, drives good, is respectable and doesn’t break down. The cost? 25k. Three times less.
I’ll take the Honda. You can drive the Range Rover. [Every man has the right to choose his own goals. K.]
August 22, 2013 at 2:21 pm
“but I personally think the amount of work it takes doesn’t meet the value it provides”
I tend to think like this, but perhaps some don’t regard it as work. That just chatting up good looking women who at least respond positively is a net gain without getting the end result regularly. I’m scared of women who I’m most attracted to and they can prob see it from 50 yards away. At least Ive stopped acting like a complete sap and spending money on women who ain’t even into me! Progress!
August 22, 2013 at 4:16 pm
Well, good for you.
I, for sure, know that I have problems and demons to sort out. That I have conflicting wishes that make myself unsure about what I really want.
If I sort this stuff out, I will be more self assured and more successful with the ladies, I am sure.
But that’s not the main dividend. The main dividend is being able to live life without doubts, without unnecessary burden. That is what I strive for. The chicks are just a bonus.
July 12, 2014 at 4:54 am
Hmm… but the man who can afford the Range Rover Sport can, in fact, have whatever car he wants, or no car at all, while the man who can only afford the Honda accord, can’t.
I confess that, as an INTP, I’d rather be the man who can have whatever option he might desire, not foreclosing on any, and not necessarily exercising any.
August 21, 2013 at 5:09 pm
It’s too difficult “skill” for most people to love the life intrinsically, not the surrounding items. It’s not easy for the rest.
August 21, 2013 at 6:13 pm
Fundamental, internal weakness leaks out, no matter the external trappings. My take away is not having a complete sense of self leads to more lays with gorgeous women, it does mean whatever one does it is not an automatic response to societal programming.
Making it about what one chooses to do from that point instead of what one is supposed to do, that is a huge leg up on the weak ego/provider/want people to like me lobetamized massmen.
August 21, 2013 at 6:39 pm
Awesome article Nick!
There’s a Turkish Soap that was very popular recently called ‘Kuzey Güney’ (North South), which my folks have been watching recently and tells the story of 2 brothers who love the same girl but end up having a traffic accident and killing someone with the younger brother taking the blame due to not wanting to tarnish his older brother’s hopes of getting a university degree.
The younger brother goes to prison a Beta and exits an Alpha/Sigma. Similar to the Count of Monte Cristo. Definitely worth a watch just to see the distinctions between the high status beta and the alpha with nothing under his name. No education, no job, down with the law yet attractive to the girls in his area.
The soap goes a stage further and shows just why the alpha character is better off than the beta who seems to have everything – He has character, boundaries, pride, guts and a mission that is portrayed in the story throughout.
The very thing that women look for when looking for a mate. It really has nothing to do with status. Granted, its great for fulfilling a girl’s basic need for security, but their ultimate want is a man with true confidence.
It’s interesting that you mentioned society being predominantly beta, because neither of my parents quite understood why the Alpha character was better off, despite it being clear as day for me due to ‘red pill’ knowledge.
It is a very hard thing to grasp, especially when you see am extremely high value girl walking past you on the street. The first thing that always came to my mind (Which i’m still trying to get rid of) is the belief that I would need to offer that girl a high status lifestyle in order to keep her around.
The reality is, you’re simply compensating due to the belief that you’re not enough. A very unhealthy belief system to have.
August 21, 2013 at 6:54 pm
So true!
August 21, 2013 at 7:31 pm
Excellent post this. I remember having many similar thoughts when I saw Gatsby myself. You really do write a lot of excellent, on-point material. Good work sir.
August 22, 2013 at 1:49 am
I second this commentary in full.
August 21, 2013 at 7:46 pm
I think this is your best writing. A lot of knowledge condensed into a page. I have to catch myself from time to time, believing in the illusion that wealth or fame would bring more happiness. As you illustrated, the wealthiest and most famous people may have the least freedom. While it’s a challenge, once you recognize your internal value and develop it, you’ll have all you need to attract the women you want. You begin to see how crazy it is to be a social climber, investing tons of time, energy and money just to have access to certain women, when you could just stop them on the street or anywhere else. [Thanks. Agreed. K.]
September 6, 2013 at 8:45 pm
Yeah, good writing.
August 21, 2013 at 9:08 pm
The question follows, how does one develop that internal value over the external?
or is it just a process whereyou have to pass through the external value phase long enough before believing and really feeling the internal state.
To quote scarface, that “all a man has is his is word and his balls and he don’t break them for nobody”?
August 21, 2013 at 10:49 pm
Meditation is a way of discovering this internal value, I recommend Holosync I’ve been using it everyday since 2009 and it’s the shit!!
August 22, 2013 at 12:00 pm
hmm seems a bit placebo effect-ey.
As far as meditation goes i have been reading about mindfulness in the Dalai Llama’s ‘Art of happiness’ but i dont exactly want to surpress mans innate urge to fuck and replace it with contentment. I want that internal self value and drive to be there and a natural consequence of that to be seeing what i like and taking it.
August 25, 2013 at 9:55 am
Prometheus Rising by RA Wilson might be good. A lot of it comes down to figuring out how to re-imprint yourself in the lowest 2 circles (and to some extent the fourth).
August 25, 2013 at 9:55 am
I meant “circuits”.
August 22, 2013 at 1:03 am
Nick,
Could you explain or provide links to explain some of your concepts like “boundaries” and “challenging.” Thank you.
August 22, 2013 at 4:02 am
Respect Money Bitches Trees, that order. Respect starts with self-respect. Looks like u skipped money and it’s working out.
August 22, 2013 at 5:03 am
Some thoughts in no particular order:
-I don’t want to come off as a defender of fanboy but I’ve read the criticism of Krauser like he has no job, not much belongings, whatever in that respect (never mind that he was/is very into his chosen sports), is not accomplished in the traditional sense that society values (i.e. has lots of stuff, I guess) and…what if on top of that ‘no job, no belongings’ he is offering up huge value, for free to ……I have no idea how many guys read this blog….hundreds of guys maybe. Or maybe it’s just one or 2 guys who it’s playing a large role changing their lives for the better? I can think of at least a couple people who have found massive value in his writings and teachings that they get for free. How about that? Is that value ? Is that offering something to the world? In my book that counts a whole lot more than the value a university professor gives. Is that lesser value given because he is not getting paid for that? I suspect there is actually a huge number of people getting very big value in too many ways to mention. I don’t doubt that he enjoys some of the admiration for his achievements with women and doubtless that appeals to his ego but there is a lot of value being shared here.
I am speaking here not just of him, but of guys like Tyler from RSD and yes even David DeAngelo and Mystery, Roissy, the guys from DayGame.com. The latter group in particular is most likely not getting rich but giving massive help to untold number of people. In my book, the way I was brought up, that’s value. Is helping guys along on this journey not adding value? Is a mortgage broker who made $500k/year during the boom years and has a McMansion and a Porsche – is that somehow more admirable and a bigger contribution to society? I don’t think so [I subscribe to the Mises theory of value which essentially means value is a subjective evaluation of the consumer rather than something inherent in the “thing”. K.]
-Anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of psychology knows that wealth gained above middle class meets the law of diminishing return in a big way. In short: more money than middle class doesnt’ get you anything in terms of happiness. Notorious BIG: “Mo money, mo problems” [Hedonistic adjustment. K]
-There’s nothing in what K says that disparages money, as I see it: that misses the point. The problem comes from believing your value as a person is derived from those things. [I am very pro-wealth. But money is only as good as the happiness it can enable. If it’s costing you more to earn the money than what it gives you, you’re a dumbass. K.]
-Ondrej: one commenter had it right – don’t shrink from the hard work & burnout. You’re young : tough it out and rest later. Get credentials. A law degree, a business degree, a medical degree – they can be used in so many different ways than the ‘traditional lawyer’ (for example you can become a sports agent or movie agent or whatever – I know lots of lawyers with Business School degrees). All of those things can lead down so many different paths you should only drop if if you truly despise & hate it and there is something else pulling you strongly – very strongly. Do you know any doctors who loved medical school? I don’t know many people in my class who loved business school.
August 22, 2013 at 10:56 am
Is he producing value? Yes. He is changing culture.
August 22, 2013 at 7:39 pm
Supramax – You are wrong about the scientific studies there is no difference in happiness above middle class earnings.
The “scientific studies” are bullshit. They have been disproved. You CAN be happier the more money you make. Taleb is just one who has exposed this
K’s second response above seems on target to me.
Felix Dennis, Brit entrepreneur worth hundreds of millions, : ” I can honestly say I have been happier each guinea I’ve gained”
Money will not make you happy unless you confront your inner demons along the way
I’d say the best Gamers and the Richest guys have something in common. Both started from being broken inside, a rock bottom place. You don’t accumulate millions, or rise from beta chode to fucking model ass for the shits and giggles. You are a fundamentally broken man who is compelled to extreme lengths to compensate
Gatsby is perfect character of many Money guys, (but not all I’d say) Men with huge business success almost certainly *initially* do so because they are running from their own emptiness. The smart ones confront that emptiness along the way.
So a guy like Dennis, I’d bet, is one of those men who has faced his demons. You should read ” How to Get Rich,” he talks about his own demons, very honest. He talks about facing fear, and needing to conquer it, or you will never be a success.
A great line: ” at the heart of every great man is a sliver of ice”
August 22, 2013 at 11:41 am
Awesome article. It’s a pitty that most of my friends think it’s a lie or don’t give any serious thought about it. But as the zen philosophy, says by changing yourself you start changing others
August 22, 2013 at 12:14 pm
Don’t forget: most of these girls stories are fantasy
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August 22, 2013 at 9:59 pm
I just installed a 17 year old lover into a 2nd apartment. She is extremely affectionate, sexual, caring, doting, and shows every sign of being infatuated. She claims two other lifetime boyfriends and 2 years since her last dick. She had her first orgasm in her life on my dick on the 2nd date, and fell for me pretty hard on the first.
I’m 30 years older than the attractive young woman, and am short, balding, and ugly. The only reason I got the internet based date in the first place is because she thought I was someone else.
I think I know how I did it. I think I know how I always do it.
You see, I have a long history of having first dates go so well that the girl immediately wants to move in. Attractive girls who have hordes of eligible suitors, many rich and handsome, have fallen in mutual love with me and moved right on in after our first meeting. Sometimes we fuck within the first 30 minutes, and even that first fuck is sometimes making love. Sometimes we wait a few hours.
I try to tell people that there are other seduction styles, but it’s either going over most peoples heads or it is so far outside of their experience that they simply have no frame of reference for it, and so have no idea what to make of it. Is it because I’m in SEA? Does it have something to do with Tantric Sex? Is it all exaggerations and lies? Or is it just a long series of anomalies that can’t related to anybody else’s personal experience?
I had my first girlfriend at age 3, and every year since then I’ve been infatuated with at least one girl per year. I’m a born romantic, with OCD level intense infatuations.
The manosphere theory goes that you have to jettison all that. Get heart broken at least once and get over it. That’s the only way you’ll ever get emotional hand, and the only way you’ll stop being a chump, and the only way you’ll become the dominant attractive ALOOF man that women crave.
Well, maybe that works for some people, but my life is all the proof that I need to show me that there are other styles that can work. And that can work extremely well.
I once forced upon myself a very painful meditation practice. I was once again in a painful unrequited love affair – I was obsessed over a 24 year old prom queen when I was 32, living in the US. I was in the middle of long dry spell, so infatuations came easily. We had some powerful moments together, but I never even fucked the girl. Anyway, I decided to just let my heart be as it was; as big as the room. To just let that powerful energy flow through me, day after day without damping it down. Just as a mental discipline.
I had some vague philosophies to bolster my resolve, but I suppose in some way I was just curious to see what would happen.
Eventually I decided to do what most people do, and to harness the power of anger to ex-communicate thoughts of her out from my nervous system. That calmed me down, and I felt better. And soon thereafter I decided against the un-requited love meditation.
However I believe it was a valuable exercise, and one that has helped me, even now years later.
I still fall in love, with regularity, at my age. I had a live in of 1 year die on me about 3 years ago, and the grief was a level of anguish that I can not communicate. Imagine waking up to being in a dentist chair, being in that chair all day, and then in your dreams dreaming of being at the dentist. The horrendous pain lasted about 6 months.
And what got me out of it was another infatuation. Another love at first sight. She was singing love songs to me on the first date, and is living with me today. Got her virginity, and she claims she now wants no other man for the rest of her life, even knowing as she does I spend many days and some nights with a new girl.
People don’t believe in romance. They say girls don’t feel romantic. But I’m a life long expert on romance. I know it inside and out. I’m so familiar with it that I fall in love and get girls to fall in love with me on the first date. It’s routine. It’s habit. It’s what I do. It’s so habitual that I doubt I could ever stop it – it’s who I am.
And one main secret to it all is to never stop being able to fall in love – to be CAPABLE of not shutting down your heart. To have that as a decision, and an ability. To never lose that power.
People do lose that power. They decide at an early age that love just isn’t worth the pain.
Yes, the pain is inevitable. It’s either going to be pain or frustration, eventually – love doesn’t last.
But for me it’s not only worth it – it is the only possible life choice – the only logical, meaningful choice, because it brings many orders of magnitude more joy and pleasure. And power too. God, there is no feeling more powerful than kundalini style sex with a very attractive woman who loves you madly and is in the uncontrollable throes of passion for you.
I have a nice new infatuation going on now. Met the girl just a week or so ago, and she’s deeply hooked, and I admit so am I. When I smell her I allow myself to get totally drunk. No reservation.
Just that one image itself should be enough for the careful reader. That’s the main thing you really need to know to understand my method.
Of course you’ll need to balance being in love with all the things I didn’t know as that 32 year old, most of which have to do with dominance and directing the woman from a position of authority and humor.
If you assume authority and can remain casual in your approach while at the same time naturally reveling in your appreciation, you’ve got a winning combo. She’ll fall into your world as if she knows deep down in her being that she always belonged in it.
August 22, 2013 at 10:19 pm
Wtf was that
August 25, 2013 at 10:03 am
U literate brah?
August 23, 2013 at 11:56 am
How about the validation and/or recognition of other man? Almost all leaders, scientist, (serious) anthropologist, religions and other streamings who have shaped history agree on the fact that the recognition and/or validation of other MEN is what brings a man his appreciation and recognition. We humans, are social animals, we need to be part of a group or tribe. We all need to feel recognition one way or the other. To deny this, is to deny our own nature also that part which loves to have sex with beautiful feminine women.
The thing that leads to your best-self and greatness is to transmute your sexual energy and use that to create something that is bigger than yourself. This is the essence of becoming a man. After you have killed the dragon and shaped your character, you will need to evolve and fulfill your live mission.
A woman just is.
A man has to become.
Chasing pussy for the sake of it and not working on your life mission, is a mistake in my philosophy-of-life. Without children – women are for entertainment, and living your entire life seeking entertainment is the same as fat pigs eating junk food, losers smoking weed or lazy weaklings watching television all day.
August 23, 2013 at 5:12 pm
Killed the dragon. Like in Elder Scrolls. Cool
August 24, 2013 at 6:52 pm
I agree 100% with your post and i wish K. would reply to it.
August 25, 2013 at 9:49 am
agreed
August 27, 2013 at 4:51 am
I’m also looking forward to a reply from K.
August 23, 2013 at 12:18 pm
Do areas like fitness, fashion, career, interesting hobbies have a threshold – be around 13%BF, have a stable income, look good, but fashion labels aren’t necessary, have 2 pretty interesting hobbies you talk passionately about – martial arts and playing a guitar, for example…that is pretty low, needs to be met, and anything above, as long as you have Game, is marginal, or does it significantly help to achieve more (gym 4 times a week, sixpack, wearing italian labels, being a lawyer doctor…) You guys seem to vote for threshold, but your game is world class…
August 23, 2013 at 5:56 pm
A good thumbnail I use: the Alpha / Sigma she wants is the man 1 in a 1,000 walking around. Most likely 1 in 10,000.
You are “More” than most other men
In any given room, you are the man with highest value – and it is evident to the room. If someone asked a random person in that room to pick out such, they’d say “probably him”
Ask yourself, “What would I have to be personally to achieve this?”
Answer this and all your questions above will fall into place, answer themselves
August 23, 2013 at 4:14 pm
Krauser I see you are recommending Assanova deeper than game
You recommended him last year and I looked him up. I actually found out he is reposting. I attached the link below. To me it seems he is not saying much, but maybe the point is, work on your value. I took notes last year, one thing he said “whatever youre doing, You are probably Gaming a girl Too Much” – when I scaled back I did see better results
http://realmademen.wordpress.com/
It’s interesting to hear advanced PUA’s recommending material – it seems the books everyone is reading has things that don’t play out long term in field. Or the advanced player sees material that is “hidden gold” most guys will pass over
August 23, 2013 at 5:09 pm
Nova is gone. Those are just archives. Looks like about 5% of his total posts
August 23, 2013 at 6:00 pm
Yeah he is reposting sporadically
August 23, 2013 at 5:37 pm
Krauser, you make some sound points. I think its unfortunate that modern women don’t value ‘provider’ traits, and this has led somewhat to the denigration of UK society. I actually felt that being in the same social group was most important for most men, above all other traits, as if you lack access, then you don’t have the best ‘in’ there is. Also, I felt that in the UK, women went for guys who it was convenient to date, rather than these guys being worthwhile in an alpha/beta sense (met many of them, completely useless and supplicate to their women). I was wondering what you thought of my observations/theories?
August 23, 2013 at 7:01 pm
It’s not the “degeneration”of the UK society.It’s female nature.Read what Krauser tells there: he mentions Russian,Cenral Asian and other foreign women.
I can confirm that for Ukraine and Moldova too.Providing hard working men get cheated way too often,almost inevitably,with much poorer guys with game.
August 23, 2013 at 7:49 pm
“The Golden tenant of game…
The golden tenant of game is that a woman will sleep with you and desire a relationship with you, if your value exceeds their attraction threshold. In a business sense, this is a combination of business development and sales all rolled into one. In short, if you don’t have the ability to interact with, entice, and compel a woman to invest herself with your time, presence and services, you’re not in business and you have no hopes at gaining and being in a committed relationship. While the ‘Community’ has historically focused primarily upon the social skills development aspect of female attraction and selection criteria, there are three major areas in which a man can focus his attention and energies to increase his value and thus improving his options both quantitatively and qualitatively with women.
Physical Development
The impact and influence of your physique upon a woman’s attraction and selection criteria are immense. The better looking, either genetically or developed sense of hygiene, style and fashion will play an enormous role in a woman’s choice, as does the level of your physical fitness and physical development. It is so obvious it goes without saying, but consequently it is one of those realms that people refuse to acknowledge or attune to, because like psychological development requires discipline, work and perseverance. As immediate and powerful as this criterion is for women, they will gradually perceive a man’s looks to a lesser degree, if he possesses other attractive and desirable traits, but he needs continued opportunity to showcase those. Too often that chance won’t materialize for most men, as their physical impressions will be their only ones. While the crux of ‘game’ is that you can influence perceive opinions of women by projecting confidence, demeanor and attitude of a more physically fit or higher social status male, it is often simpler and more effective to actually get into shape, develop a sense and flair for fashion and be well-groomed. When you do, the confidence, demeanor and attitudes will be real and won’t have to be feigned, as faking it is not very effective over the long-term.
Lifestyle Development
Your lifestyle has unbelievable influence with who will be attracted to you, as it will be a natural reflection of who you are and the values you have, as they are readily exhibited. A man’s value is intrinsic to him because of what he makes himself into and through what he does with his life, independent of a woman. A man’s value exists because of what he is and what he does. Developing and shaping your life path is one of the most important objectives you will have in life beyond taking care of your physical, emotional and psychological needs. Your life, your home and the world in which you beckon her to enter and become a part of, will be a manifestation of all this.
Social Skills
The genera of social skills development is truly immense, with fractured niche developments for what seems to be an almost every realm conceivable and growing daily… a major allied component to this is developing a set of rules of engagement (frame) that you will live, date and operate by. It is your basis and criteria of living and becomes your overall theme for how you go about living your life, through establishing a bedrock of standards and qualifications for everything in your life, to include women and your relationships with them. Of equal importance here is your ability and nature to communicate those standards to people and specifically with women and manage the adherence to them. You determine and manage this. You implicitly state “this is my life. If you want to be part of it, here is what is involved and expected.” If not, you must be willing to let her go and walk away from what is not working. In essence you need to make a woman demonstrate her worthiness before you invest and or commit to her. Quality is never achieved by lowering standards. This is especially true for yourself as well. The overall premise of your relationships needs to be led and molded by you. Not only do women want this, they crave it.”
August 23, 2013 at 10:23 pm
Im not sure game is anywhere near as important as many make it out to be. Only a few people can master game. What I see in the UK is women going for what the media promotes and what is convenient for them (eg they think they cannot do any better, so they settle early).
I regularly meet guys who are:
-short (less than 5’6)
-not that good looking
-student/unemployed, with poor life prospects
-supplicating. They are not alpha. They are not a beta provide either.
The only reason such people exist is because of a government and society that protects them. These guys are children. The women picking them are not much better. These guys regularly are seen dating women above their looks level, but they definately have no game (they’re always buying the women things!). In any other society, such guys would not exist. They cannot compete with the foreigners I have met when living abroad. And they didn’t use to exist in the UK in the past.
It is the degeneration of UK society. Very few if any folk in my field (medicine) can compete with Germans, Singaporeans and Americans in the same field. The competition abroad puts local talent to shame. I know the Uk wasnt like this before.
August 23, 2013 at 6:57 pm
Somebody answer me how the fuck this moron Jay Rutland managed to marry Tamara Ecclestone.I really want to know
August 24, 2013 at 4:40 am
Talking about top class girls (I only do fashion models and the kind) I am not sure that it is all about inner game, confidence etc, and money does not matter, though. Both are required there to succeed. Self-confidence, inner value, etc., without the ability to feel comfortable regardless of the bill which happens to face while entertaining a girl, would look “not up to the league”. One can take a model to KFC for a change, that’s for sure. But only so, not all the time, even Chuck Norris sized carisma would not get away with that.
A girl with choices will just choose between the men with money and charisma and the men with money, but no charisma. Both kinds are plenty around them.
The ones with charisma but no money, will most likely not even get access to talk, hence will be given little chances, for just not fitting into the lifestyle..
This is an observation from own life. Middle age, upper middle class (not rich, just comfortable), had been with 10 models in the last 8 years (I prefer serial monogamy of several months to a year or so, hence the “low” number).
August 24, 2013 at 11:33 am
Just an experience/Example I’d like to share.
I met a girl on OK Cupid in another country I was visiting on business.
She’s 25 i’m mid-forties
After getting her to hook she writes: “i’m not coming to your hotel when we meet…”
Me: Who says I’d invite you?
For a few days we text back and forth, she’s initiating the sex talk. I’m playing it cool but escalating.
We agree to meet at a tequila bar at 9pm in a cool part of the city.
9;15, first text: “Where is it again?”
I send the address.
Then a bunch of pfaffing: “Coming soon” crap.
Finally at 9;45 I finish my second drink and leave.
a few minutes after I left, I get this:
Her: Here.
Me: Left.
Her: What!?
Me: have the Cadillac. Awesome. I had two. Ciao.
Her: Fucker. Ciao.
I could have waited, I could have come back, but the flip-flopping and the fact she was gaming me meant I was being tooled and had to leave. The rest of the night would have been a wash-out anyway.
The old pre-game me would have waited.
Now that I understand I have value, I leave for better prospects or to avoid the perception of being pathetic and waiting like a chode.
August 24, 2013 at 11:42 am
Maybe you could have texted that you moved to another venue after 20 min. and let her come there and pay everything as a punishment. Still “alpha”, but chance to succeed. Obviously even your strategy could have worked, but rather over the longterm where she would apologize and start to chase you.
August 24, 2013 at 12:57 pm
Interesting strategy. In this case, the fact she was already late meant my Friday night would have consisted of a cat and mouse game with no guarantee of anything.
I ended up leaving, going to another venue and opening a few girls. That didn’t go anywhere but was more fun than being with a disrespectful puta.
August 24, 2013 at 7:38 pm
You won the battle, lost the war.
At that age they are often times thoughtless rather than willfully tooling.
Will give you my own recent example. I gamed one girl, who’s contact I got at a fashion show where she defileed.
It was purely Facebook, since we live in different countries.
But it worked well, up to the point of virtual sex and her agreement to fuck me at my nearest visit.
So I flew in specifically for that. Off the plane by noon, texting her, I am in the hotel X, room number Z.
She responds: I have booked a hairdresser for this afternoon to properly doll myself up for you, so that relax, enjoy your day, will meet tomorrow.
WTF?! I traveled across continent to wait till tomorrow?
But then just tamed own temper down. OK, tomorrow.
Come next day. Promised 9 am passed, the girl is not there. Neither responding my texts or calls.
By that point I was absolutely sure, that I got badly gamed.
Suddenly around 11 ( two hours late!), the girl shows up in all her dolled up runway glory. With lots of thise girlie stupid excuses and apologies blah-blah-blah…
And does excactly what she promised: straight to my room and showering me with fantastic unreserved sex all afternoon long, up to the moment when I no longer had stamina to continue.
So that everything was absolutely bona fide, no any gaming there, just pure girlish stupidity, that’s all.
What if I had taken a proud stance?
August 25, 2013 at 9:13 am
@Jake, great story. Thanks for sharing.
I think in your case, you calibrated and since you came there for her, you were painting yourself into a corner.
In my case I took an abundance mentality. I had nothing to lose by leaving.
“Proud stance” I think is under-estimating your value.
Taking a “who cares” stance and sticking around would have been more aligned with the ideas in this blog.
Your girl in the end didn’t flake, but positioning this as a “proud” stance or angry stance or putting any emotion into this is what I’m working to get away from in my own game journey.
August 25, 2013 at 10:03 am
It all comes down to what you try to become. I personally want to combine the best from the nice guy and the bad boy. And understanding her, good rapport skills, listening, coming from the place of love, not hate…are good qualities for anyone and are the qualities women want, especially on dates. Combine it with leading, risk-taking, sociability, decisiveness…and you have the perfect mix. Being divine alpha is not the goal, he is just model for the traits most men in this community lack at first and need to develop and add to their arsenal full of nice-guy weapons.
August 26, 2013 at 9:33 pm
Being unreasonably stern or too hard to get with a woman is not a sign of alpha. More a sign of inexperience. Anyone who has lived with women. Even sisters. Knows that most women tend to take their time with shit and even delay shit.
The flaw with the concept of value lies in that it is assumed that value is more
important than a normal adherence to the nature of women, and even the
nature of people in general.
The more experience with women the more you can sense whether a woman is playing you or simply being a woman.
August 24, 2013 at 2:41 pm
Now that you openly talk about the new daygame book, is it too soon to ask when it’s published? It sounds very promising.
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August 26, 2013 at 6:38 pm
What are we to conclude?
If there is one thing that i know gives men confidence, it is achievement. The confidence i would gain from succeeding in my vocation spills over into my relations with women and men alike. For example, the lack of self respect for living with your parents and not having autonomy could certainly contribute to poor self image. Consequently, lesser success with women. While i understand your emphasis on internal referencing, i still dont see how this can be reconciled with the other widely touted mantra of “dont make success with girls your whole life. Focus on your mission”.
So on the one hand, i can appreciate the emphasis on being internally referenced.
But the external things we do as men influence our level of internal contentment. I dont want to be presumptuous, but because you devote much time to succeeding with women, its almost as if this IS your vocation. To the outside observer, you are financially able to devote alot of time to bedding women and relating your experiences on the blog…and what sounds like off/on again coaching. You put alot of work into the process, AND explaining it. I think its easy to glibly say that you just produce value 100% internally, but i think you can concede that it is derived in part through the positive feedback of this blog, and the work you’ve done to enable such a lifestyle. All external things.
I mean if you werent “externally referenced” at all, would you blog and post videos of your notches in order to increase your credibility in the pickup world? I have zero problem with anything you do, this isn’t criticism. But honestly, theres zero point in posting videos of your lays other than to prove that you are successful at something you take seriously. And to add legitimacy to what you advise men to do. No one wants to see man-ass or blurry images of your cock lol and you know that. Regardless, i watch them all. Its uplifting.
If anything im just pointing out that i dont think you can escape having to find purpose as a man. In your vocation, and how that affects your confidence. The average reader could certainly achieve your lifestyle but could be misled into thinking that succeeding in other areas of life is bullshit. devils advocate i guess.
August 26, 2013 at 8:04 pm
I agree with you that most of us are emotionally moved by out external social positioning – real world increases in power and status and friends and lovers has effects differ from internal narrative adjustment. And of course the converse is true. Having external plus internal supports is better than just one of them, and it is not an either/or game.
And I agree that most men are built to want a purpose. Even if ultimately that purpose boils down to evolutions way to make us attractive to the other sex, subjectively we don’t necessarily notice that – we feel better having some thing to do that is meaningful and interesting to us. Especially if it helps others.
Like you I’m quite wary of placing value only in the internal realm.
All that said, there is a type of value men can give women that is mostly entertainment and emotional based. It’s not the only type of value – I think it’s an easy error to make to over-value that type of value. Other types are very powerful and useful also. Sometimes even necessary, with some girls.
August 26, 2013 at 9:47 pm
I find internal confidence essential and external confidence a bonus. There’s nothing wrong with living with bonuses in your life
August 27, 2013 at 6:19 am
I know that many people HATE HATE HATE reality. They deny that the world affects them. They so desire to be an immovable island, safe from the vagaries of life that they even would prefer to be immune to their own emotions moving them.
Some people have intense philosophical desire for this state of freedom from influence. I used to be one of them – I went into meditation and Buddhism as far as I could, going on long forest or monastery or meditation center retreats, studying and meditating daily when not trying to meditate 24 hours a day. I wanted immovability too.
But I’ve come to realize that the world does affect us. I know many will still refuse to believe it – it’s a painful truth, and nobody likes pain.
My experience is that real skills and abilities and accomplishments influence my confidence. Confidence isn’t just a thing that is immovable and isolated. Far from just being a bonus, these skills and accomplishments are part and parcel of what I offer. One accomplishment that people might not object to, because I carry it around all the time and so it is “internal” is a golden tongue. This was earned through taking natural talent and using it over decades of paying attention to the craft of writing, and by being a salesman for many years, and by practice in many LTRs and MLTRs. But my other circumstances increase my confidence as well, and can decrease it. Because they have real world effects. I’m more attractive when I’m fit. My apartments and business owner status and financial situation can do a great deal of work for me when it comes to dating. These effects are just as real as my golden tongue.
I understand that it takes years and decades to build up the external frameworks that are different basis for different kinds of confidence. We can’t be confident in our musical ability until after years of practice. We can’t be confident in our dance skills until we can dance. We can’t be confident in our financial ability until we have money, and so on. There are various values we can give to women – the golden tongue is but one. Fucking skills is but another. It is so well known as to be a truism that women also find wealth and lifestyle attractive. This is not essential, any more than a golden tongue is essential, or any more than being a good fuck is essential. It’s just one of many attractive traits a person can develop. You can even rely exclusively on some of these if you develop them high enough. Fame game, money game, looks game, etc. They are not so much bonuses as different strategies, or different accomplishments.
The danger with teaching young men to rely on internal confidence is that old age will come. In old age you will want money, and lots of it. And any and all other possible accomplishments you can gather. If you want to still be able to compete for the best girls.
August 27, 2013 at 5:04 pm
If I lost my car or girlfriend, I would not consider myself less of a man. That’s the point I’m making
August 27, 2013 at 6:02 pm
I think the discussion isn’t as much about girlfriend or a car, this shouldn’t affect you at all if you value experiences more and there are many rich minimalists. But lack of drive in career/work, settling for less than you’re capable of could be a problem. What if you’re used to be in a position where everybody mentions your status and compliments you about it and you feel this power and identify with it, and then you lose it or you decide to quit/take lower position because it is too time consuming? Isn’t this the whole “faking confidence without substance” again? Isn’t this the main problem of serial openers, that they just switch off porn in their mom’s basement and go out? This is an extreme case, for sure, but even moderate change can have a profound effect.
August 27, 2013 at 6:06 pm
Recently there was a post “daygame and compliance”. Settling for more “comfortable job”, even though you have objective reasons to do so that aren’t just rationalisations – too much stress, no time for game, friends etc. or a blue pill/red pill transformation that destroyed your former beliefs and drastically lowered the importance of external markers of status in your eyes, may be understood as a loss in this area of compliance and hard to overcome mentally.
August 28, 2013 at 11:52 pm
There is no such thing as faking confidence. Confidence is about you. Either you go to bed at night at peace or you don’t. Whether people see you as confident or not is irrelevant.
August 29, 2013 at 12:05 am
That’s the issue with most of you guys here; you link confidence with the perception of others. As long as you continue to do that you will go in circles
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September 7, 2013 at 9:45 pm
Nick, this is an outstanding post. I happened upon it and it’s another finger pointing me in one direction, at the same time that I’ve happened upon Radical Honesty by Blanton. It’s all coming together, slowly, as I get back into Game with a new focus and a new reality. It’s taken 2 years to even begin to understand what internal referencing is, feeling-wise, I mean, rather than concept. This is excellent.
September 20, 2013 at 7:49 am
Thanks Nick, this is your best post ever, I’m looking forward to your book, I haven’t seen you in a while but I’m always learning.
November 29, 2013 at 11:02 pm
All I have to say is that was a spot on post, it sums up the attitude of a lot guys. Its good to read a centered view on a pua site. I’ve been that guy and then some, especially like the “used up tart” reference, been there done that. Another good resource is No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr Glover, it helped me a lot.
Thanks
Michael
May 28, 2014 at 8:01 am
Hello Mr K
Am I the only one who is fascinated by your mystery actress girl story..? I’ve been living in Asia for nearly 18 years including some time in India and I’d say from the clues you dropped we are talking India and she was probably a Bollywood actress. The actor she was dating..? Salman Khan maybe (I used to bump into him in the gym in Mumbai) the billionaire industrialist is almost certainly Vijay Mallaya(the Kingfisher Beer king) I’m thinking Priyanka Chopra, Katrina Kaif (used to work out in same gym as me also – she is a Brit by birth which would explain how you guys met) or if the sex siren bit is key then most likely Mallika Sherawat.
Nick – man to man I beseech you to write a long post on this how you met, the whole story. That is a score in a major MAJOR way. Every expat I know who spends time in India – guys like me who are normally good at getting girls – fail hard in India (unless you are serious about marrying them) You Nick have pulled off the coup of the decade no joke. You have to tell this story from beginning to end.
No need to name names although if I am along the right lines in my guesses that’d be great to know. Although feel free to direct email message me saying who it was *cheeky smile* Won’t go any further. I’ve banged a few national UK TV girlies in my time when they started off as interns at a regional TV station I worked for.
PLEASE tell that story dude – my mind is blown just reading those paragraphs. Rest of blog is great also BTW!
Best
Q
May 30, 2014 at 10:17 pm
I’m pretty sure you’re not the only one, I appreciate a good detective story/work as well. The way this has been presented here or on youtube.. the only thing that rings the bell is Bollywood. Since I don’t know the people there involved (and it’s a waste of time to do some research for myself), I’d like you to thank you for the tips you presented, good sire! [Sorry, can’t confirm or deny rumours. Just because she’s famous doesn’t mean she was especially hot, mind. K.]
October 29, 2015 at 11:16 am
Erm, this is the single best article on game I’ve ever read.
August 15, 2018 at 4:31 pm
>He breaks the central rule of inner game: Be more invested in yourself and your opinion of yourself than of other’s opinions of you.
Are there any books/articles out there, something like an inner game bible ?