I’m not without sympathy for the forlorn

January 28, 2012

I know what it’s like to have your heart broken. It happened to me once. It was my motivation to learn game and chronicle my journey through this blog. I know what it’s like to have sleepless nights, to worry what your ex-girlfriend is doing and who she’s meeting with, and formulating plans to win her back. I know how it feels to have someone you love so entwined into your life over the course of years that you can’t imagine life without them, and then the gaping emptiness you feel when they are wrenched away from you. And then you’re staring at the abyss… wondering what happens now that your future has collapsed.

My current girlfriend was in a six-year relationship with a beta who I stole her from. He’s taken it pretty hard since she gave him marching orders. It was last summer that he got his P45 but he’s still pining. I know how that feels. A couple of weeks ago he made another attempt to win her back, which we chatted about.

sympathy and understanding, yesterday

Routine Facebook attraction material

January 27, 2012

I remember a time when I had to figure out how to talk to girls on Facebook chat, figure out how to run attraction and escalate girls who might be a thousand miles away so that next time we are in the same town they’ll want to see me. Mostly I started by watching JJ‘s text game and then adapting it to the different medium. Then I added in some of Toe‘s future projections and silly brown cardigan photos and gifs. Gradually, I built up mini-routines and a feel for the medium. Now it’s child’s play. I barely need to pay attention to run chats like this one on a cute Mexican.


I’m sitting in a hammock on the edge of a small island in Belize. There’s cheering coming from the beach bar where everyone is watching Spanish football. The splashes from people diving into the sea occasionally spray me. The Mexican girl I kiss-closed after an instant date last week comes online. This is our second chat.

Me: oi! Mexican!

Her: hi british!! u still there??

Me: Belize

Me: gonna go to Playa again tomorrow then home to London

Her: perfect do you miss london?? u must came to mexico dont go london came mexico pleaseeee hehehehe or you gonna invite me to london??

Me: London is my favourite city. I’m looking forward to going home You can visit me in London. I’ll make you a cup of tea

Her: hahahahah sorry i dont like tea but 4 u i can make an exeption right!! but i think its so expensive travel there hehehe are u gonna invite me everything???hahaha

Me: just a cup of tea maybe a biscuit don’t be greedy

Her: greedy???what the meaning of that??

Me: I’ll take you to Tower Bridge at the river then throw you in the water

Her: cool thats sound so romantic hahahah kidding sounds cool hahahaha dosent matter i swim very well u seally boy!!!

Me: Of course, when you get to my room your panties will be on the floor within 60 seconds I’ll pick you up across my shoulders spin you around, make you giggle and scream throw you naked onto my bed and then go downstairs and watch tv

Her: hahahaha are u nuts??? but thinking in all u write i like the idea so i want it so if you want me there in your hose send me the ticket to go but one thing are you sure??cause u are gonna fall in love with me hehehehe

Me: I might fall in love with your cooking if its good but probably it’ll poison me how will you make me fall in love with you? I’m not an easy man to please

Her: ohhh perfect so first with my cooking,second 4 my kisses,3th becase i a funny and intersting girl 4th i will teach you spanish cause we dont always gonna be speaking in inglish 5th cause im gonna make u love like never no one do it to u and when ever u want and the way u want and i dont know so many things that its better to demostrate u than write it so how do you see??

Me: yes, yes….. but are you good at video games?

Her: of course i love it well im gonna be honest for the futball videogames i suck but u can tach me or i can learn until i see u again hehehehe i can go with u on april moth that i have vacations

Me: my image of a perfect woman is…. 1. good cooking 2. plays video games 3. doesn’t talk when I watch TV 4. frequent blowjobs

Her: i can be your perfect woman

Me: 5. good cooking

Her: my image of perfect man is……good lover big dick hahaha and that he works a lot or rich

Me: I’m lazy, poor and badly dressed maybe I should find you a better husband I’m only good for sex, eating your food, and telling you what to do especially the food mmmmm…… food… I love cheeseburgers mmmmm with bacon and BBQ sauce

Her: of course u dont,and let me tell u that i saw your piks and u are a handsome guy thats another point of my image of man,another thing he must cook to,that he be polite,that he makes me feel that i am the only girl in his world even i dosent hahahaha

Me: my grandmother thinks I’m beautiful

Her: that he makes me laugh i dont know what else that every day we make something diferent cool and onforgetible i love to the cheese burgers…food its the best in the world and my favorite thing y the bacon mmmm i can marry with a bacon hahaha

Me: So you want a wild sex (and cooking) holiday in London in April? hmmmmm. I’ll need to check my diary

Her: well we just can be lovers boyfriend i dont know hahahaha until you look 4 my a good husband so what do u think??

Me: I’m only 50% convinced I must have more information about your suitability as a lover and cook What size are your breasts, waist, and hips?

Her: hahahahaha well look your busy diary and let me know hahahaha but i really love to have that wild and sexy and amazing holiday in london with u!!!muuuuuak my bby

Me: 3 sizes please, young lady…

Her: 3 sizes???what do u mean sorry i dont understand hahahaha explain!!

Me: what size are your breasts, waist and hips? don’t make me repeat myself. I get very hungry when I have to repeat myself

Her: hahahahahaa calm down ok!!!!and i dont know my sizes sorry but i can tell u that i have a pretty buddy more ass tan breast and thin and tall hahaha but i will chek my sizes and i let u know another day u hungry man!!hahahaha

Me: I’m thinking about late lunch. Taco I’ll need a photo

Her: ok u can check my piks and if you want a pik u must send me on of u fisrt in boxers my mail is [email address] and im late to lunch too so i have to go see u soon be good and dont forget me hehehehe i send u a very big kiss dear bye bye my piks of face of course!!!

Me: check your mail later enjoy your lunch

Her: perfect bye bye

I send her this:

Here it is [name]. Don’t get too wet. I know I’m sexy. Now your turn. I want to see tits and ass.

Krauser action toys coming soon

I bang my first Chinese tourist in Cuba

January 19, 2012

First things first – this was not a Cuban whore (which obviously wouldn’t count). She was a travelling Beijing girl and I didn’t spend a penny on her, so it’s a fully-fledged flag‘n’tags. It begins on my second day in Havana when Toe and I go to rendevous with a new Greek friend in Hemingway’s Floridita bar for a mohito and cigar. Greek dude is a big husky 41yr old who used to tour guide the holiday islands – he’s knobbed alot of slutty tourists – and we like him. While at the bar I open a little asian girl who is sitting by herself then bring her back to our table. We all move on to a couple of other bars and she’s into me but I’m getting horrendously drunk without realising it. Suddenly I stand up and the world is spinning. It’s shocking. Approaching midnight as we all walk up the main square I try cavemanning and verbally escalating her but I’m so drunk I can’t stand straight so when she attacks me with her umbrella I fall flat on my arse, laughing. She chases me down the street trying to hit me with her umbrella before Greek restrains her. I stagger home and assume that’s the end of it.

Something like this in Floridita

A few days later its Friday night and we plan to hit Casa de Musica, the “hip” club in Havana, after a few cuba libres in our apartment. Just as we are walking home, about 8pm, some street whore is standing on the corner so we say hello and walk on. Some big fat old American tries to buy her but she seems to dislike him and instead follows us up the stairs to the apartment. Because Toe is at the back he says it’s his set to try and shore. Whatever, she’s rather grotty. So she joins us for rum and it’s just a laid back fun drink. She starts flicking through a video games magazine I left lying around so I show her my Nintendo 3DS which she loves, regressing like a little girl, cooing and chuckling. I put the headphones on her and we leave her in the world of Zelda for half an hour as we chat amongst ourselves. When she wants to go Toe undresses her in his room saying “no dinero, no dinero”. It seems on. He’s about to get his shoring (and Cuban flag) when she suddenly has second thoughts. She leaves, we drink, then at 11pm hit the club.

Zelda, yesterday

After nearly having to slap a few queue jumpers outside we stroll into Casa de Musica and it’s like being on a different planet, Planet Smoking Hot Women. It is jam-packed wall to wall with 7+s. I’ve never seen so many 9s in one place, not even in Estonia. All week I’d been disappointed with the standard of Cuban women but now I realise where they’ve all been hiding. And they are all hitting on us (them being whores, we don’t kid ourselves). Although we are quite aware what’s going on it is still a shock to the system on a primal level to have half a dozen truly beautiful girls competing for our attention at any one time. Our forebrains may well be saying “they are whores, don’t feel special” but our hindbrains are “woo!hoo!woot!woot!” It’s early days and I’ve heard they are very expensive here ($100) so I say to Toe “let’s just treat this as bar game practice. We’ve got a chance to tease and mess with a flock of stunning girls and they are going to stand there and take it. It would be so hard to get this chance in London so let’s drill it into ourselves to tease them.” My vibe is great anyway. So we start tooling these girls and they are biting hard, playing along. I sense it’s gonna be a great night of douchebaggery. Soon I’m locked in with the most beautiful girl whore in the club, a tall brunette who is quite possibly a 10, while I keep playing kids pranks on her and making everyone laugh. She asks me if I want the fucky-fucky so I tell her I’m here to drink beer with my friends but maybe later. I’m expecting her to move on to other leads but she hangs around. Then, unexpectedly, the Chinese bird turns up (we’ve nicknamed her Ming-Ming).

sans umbrella

She starts throwing herself at me. Oh how lucky it is I met you again, it’s my last night in Cuba, I want to have a special night etc. Quite a change from the last time I saw her. I have a dilemma.

  1. Game up the whore 10 until she lowers her price enough to make it worth taking her home. The incentive is it’ll be a night of great sex with an unbelievably hot woman. The drawback is it’ll cost alot of money and, with her being a whore, there is no validation whatsoever in banging her. Like having the best wank of your life. Great fun, but just gratification. or,
  2. Take home the Chinese 6 for free to get a new flag and return the F-Town dogtags to their rightful owner.

Toe says to bang the chink then come back to the club. So I pull her outside on the promise of rum in my apartment. She follows eagerly. I’m thinking I can get her done within an hour and then get back to my night out but a fearsome case of LMR rears it’s ugly head. It takes over an hour to close her. First she rebuffs the kiss, then the breasts, and so on as I gradually get her undressed. I have to hold her down and she’s protesting with hard token resistance. It’s so borderline that to be sure I go into the bathroom for a few minutes just so I can leave her alone in my room with a clear line to the door if she wants to leave. She stays. Ok, definitely token resistance. She’s giving me the “you are not going to fuck me” routine right up until she asks “do you have a condom?” Bloody LMR. If it wasn’t for the double-whammy of flag n tags I would’ve thrown her out.

On the plus side, once I do get my cock inside her she becomes very good. She tells me I’m the fifth guy to fuck her (she’s 28). After the first time we go to the end of the street for pizza then I bring her back in and fuck her again. She’s all over me by now having been thoroughly tamed. I nail her hard then finally decide to head back to the club but I’ve misjudged it. As I open the front door Toe is outside without his keys, a toothless hophead local guy next to him hassling for spare change. I rush to the club, Ming-Ming in tow, but it’s throwing out time. I quickly scan the room for hot whores but they have all left or paired up. So I return empty handed, by which time Toe has a beautiful girl whore with him that he knocked down to $50.

So I missed a great night but got a good flag. Shame she wasn’t hotter.

Learning points

  • Just cos a girl thinks you’re a drunken arsehole one night doesn’t mean she won’t secretly like it, think about it, then come back for more
  • When a girl is ready to be extracted, don’t waste time. It took ten minutes from bumping into her again to leaving the club
  • Notice the difference between token resistance and real resistance. The easy way is to give a girl chances to leave and see if she takes them

Cuba Libre

January 9, 2012

Later this week I shall be headed to Cuba with Toe for country three of our Central American jaunt. We’ve never been. I’ve got some expectations which I’ll detail here. Jimmy went years ago and fucked eight girls in two weeks without handing over cash. Any other country in the world and that would be a phenomenal score, especially considering JJ doesn’t bang below a seven and rarely below an eight, yet he was very blaise about it commenting “you can’t not get laid in Cuba”. He explained it thus:

Girls will approach you all the time. If there’s a particular girl you like, all you need is to say hello and start a trivial conversation. Be nice, they’ll come on to you. Take them around for a couple of hours like an instant date, then back to your private apartment to fuck them. It’s soft prostitution. You don’t need game, you just need convertible currency and a foreign passport then girls will flock to you for the novelty and the chance to get into tourist-only venues they are normally excluded from.

I’ve checked some forums and it would appear quite accurate. Most of those places are for mongers / sex tourists and thus those guys end up paying actual cash – they aren’t exactly attractive fellows from the right-hand side of the male bell curve. So repeat the above formula but with a taxi driver introducing the girl, zero game, and a $30 cash exchange at the end. This leaves many ponderables. We won’t know for sure what the score is until we get there, but these are our draft rules of engagement:

  • No lays go on the official notch count / flag count / lay reports. They don’t count as game.
  • F-Town is in cryogenic suspension until we touch back in Mexico.
  • To the extent we can call a lay an achievement, the girl must be extremely hot, a nonpro, selected by us in a normal cold approach encounter (i.e. not pimped and not selecting us), sticks around until we dismiss her, and does not get uppity if we don’t pay her.

I suspect I realise now why so many keyboard jockeys rant on about how “easy” it is to pick up girls in Eastern Europe. I used to think it was the normal hating dynamic where everyone on the internet is a self-delusional seven feet tall model-banging badass (when not in his mum’s basement playing WoW), the type of guys who hallucinate about picking up supermodels the moment they step off the plane in Moscow simply because they have a US passport and a +7 Staff of Enchantment. But no, perhaps there is an actual logical reason for their delusion and by jove I think I understand it.

These guys are all American

"I adore US passports" - artist's impression of LIthuania

I’ll explain. American’s generally don’t leave their own country and when they do it’s to nearby Americanised resorts that sell twinkies and budweiser. I just suffered such a hellhole in Cancun before decamping to cleaner pastures. What little world history they have is about the collapse of the Soviet empire in 1989 and the brutal impoverishment there as gangster capitalism ran wild, thus leading many young women to whore themselves out. They probably still think Eastern Europe is like that. The oil and gas boom in Russian, the EU membership of Romania and Poland, the ERM mechanism for the baltic states, the ability for Poles and Bulgarians etc to simply take an Easyjet flight to London and start work the next day for a high minimum wage (a legal entitlement in the EU treaty)….. these all pass by the typical American. They don’t realise that Eastern European girls don’t need the money from whoring and don’t need a new passport.

What they do see is Cuba. Those girls do need the money and would love to snag a US-passport-holding boyfriend. Cuba is still a communist hellhole with long queues for the basic necessities of civilised life. Banging girls in Cuba is a clear case of economic disparities.

A hot Cuban, yesterday

Two weeks from now I’ll have an answer for you. A direct comparison of street gaming in the former Soviet satellites and “gaming” in the still-Soviet Cuba.

Saturday night in Playa Del Carmen

January 9, 2012

I’m didn’t come to Mexico for game, quite unlike my last 18 months of trips which were unabashedly about hitting on the local birds. 2012 is my year of not giving a fuck about knobbing women. Sure, I’m still gonna open and still gonna close but for the first time in years I have a who-gives-a-fuck-I’m-a-man-and-everything-is-in-order tranquility that allows me to focus on other pursuits. There’s an interesting story about the dappy tarts Toe and I dated last night (we didn’t bang ’em) and it begins when they didn’t show up at 8pm outside McDonalds for the Day 2. We agree to give them 15 minutes maximum before bailing and then I see a gorgeous girl go by. Perfect mix of youth, prettiness and not-overdone-hotness. So I open her. It sticks, so I decide the dappy tarts have missed their chance and I idate the new girl instead. Here’s the street open:

I haven’t bothered with editing the idate itself. It was routine stuff for an hour. She wants to meet again but time will tell. It’s not long till I go to Cuba and I’m far more interested in stockpiling a mountain of cheap Cuban cigars than I am about closing a bird, despite the fact she’s clearly my type. Wouldn’t turn it down, but I’m not in the mood for chasing girls when I could be swimming in the sea or breaking out my Rosetta Stone to learn Mexican.

A nice bird, yesterday

After the date I meet Toe back at the hotel and we go out for a fine feast at Taco Loco (recommendation of a local hostel owner we’ve been drinking with). The dappy tarts get in touch making all manner of excuses then agree to come to our hotel bar. We sit playing Jenga and they do in fact show about 11pm all dolled-up like proper club tarts on their way to the BPM music festival. The chance of us going to a club district full of monotone screeching dance music is about the same as the chances of Burnley winning the league. We decline and let the girls go. They are in high spirits and a bit drunk despite having tottered on their high heels for 20 minutes to get to us. Toe and I decide to chill in the hotel room and wait for the late-night post-club text, if it comes. The decision seems binary: they get a better offer and we never hear from them, or they don’t and they come to our hotel for a nailing. Neither happens. Toe begins the light text game at 2am.

Toe: Pacifico or Victoria?

Girl: U guys have a bad attitude u shouldn’t talk like that. U think we r sluts we’re not. Stop harrassing us [I paraphrase]

Uh??? These girls had been texting us 3-to-1 for 24 hours. It’s an absolute non-sequitor. We hadn’t done the slightest escalation verbal or physical. Can only imagine its a classic case of projection because they are sluts. Whatever. I was sleepy so I went to sleep.

Some thoughts on the Yucatan

January 7, 2012

In keeping with my goal of financial and geographical independence, I’m experimenting with spending my winters outside of London. Although I think its good to keep my base in London – it’s where most of my friends are, the most lucrative work, and it’s just….. English – I want to be able to travel anywhere anytime at the drop of a hat. So when Toe started his six-month Central America tour I decided to join him in San Diego and then again in the Yucatan. As I write, I’m sprawled out in a hammock sipping coffee listening to The Clash on the hotel speakers. We had a swim in the sea earlier and we’re meeting two dappy tarts from Mexico City that we picked up yesterday lunchtime in a grotty (but delicious) local eatery.

Local eatery tarts, yesterday

My dance card is pretty full. I had that bootcamp in San Diego, then went up to Newcastle for Christmas. New Year in London was pretty wild. Now I’ve got three weeks in Mexico with a sojourn to Cuba next week. No sooner do I get back to Old Blighty but my bird swoops in from Lithuania to lick my balls for a week. Then I pack my bags for Thailand and a month of hardcore muay thai / hitting up university girls with Bhodi. I’ve barely got time for Skyrim.

I’m rather unimpressed with the girls here. It would appear there’s two entirely different species of local. There’s the Mexicans, who are normally-proportioned, kinda pretty (both girls and pretty-boy greasy men), and basically humanoid. Then there’s the Mexican’ts who are 4 foot tall, 4 foot wide, with no necks and little Tyrannosauras arms. I’m leaving the latter for Toe. He’s got a couple of girls into him from earlier work.

They must be the next beach along, or something

I think I’ve done about 5 opens since I got here. Just not in the mood and it doesn’t seem the most conducive environment cos I can’t speak Mexican and there’s very very few hot girls. I street-opened a really lovely Mexico City girl last night and bounced her to a two-hour i-date and kiss close. Lovely elegant girl but it was weird because she was in Playa Del Carmen with her boyfriend (temporarily separated on the way back to their hotel) and her friends were at a pub across the road unaware of my nefarious attempts to bang her. It was fun seeing the age-old forebrain/hindbrain conflict as her eyes spazzed, she kept pawing my forearms, and complimenting my good looks (yes, really) then worrying her boyfriend will be angry that she’s late. I straight out told her I want to fuck her and she invited me up to her mum’s house in Cancun later this week.

I suspect it won’t go anywhere…

You should be ashamed of yourself, running around after young women

January 6, 2012

I think we are all quite aware of the societal pressure to date women our own age. Up until you graduate university this makes sense because you are surrounded by your same age-cohort and that’s when girls are in their prime. But as soon as you enter the real world where you have to make all your opportunities, there’s simply no reason to limit yourself like that. Let the over-the-hill feminists scream and wail that they “feel more beautiful at 35” and they “know what they want”. I too know what I want – freshly bloomed girls of 20yrs old. As men we are shamed into dating horrible old women.

This video clip is a great pisstake of it. It begins as a shaming video then quickly turns it around for laughs.


It’s like if the Men’s Right’s Movement met in a pub for a quick drink. Lots of talk about manly things and girls aren’t allowed in the treehouse. When PUA Man comes in they shame him for chasing skirt… and then on the faintest whiff of pussy they are cutting each other’s throats for a shot. A mature man should be solid in his reality, with an unshakeable frame. No little dollybird should be able to lure him off-kilter.

A mature man on-kilter, yesterday

The number of times I’ve seen a young bird place herself into a group of men and immediately become the centre of fawning attention…… ugh.