November 17, 2013 22 Comments
This blog represents my ideas as I formulate them. As I continue along my path of self-improvement I encounter new problems and new ideas. Sometimes I’ll look back at an old idea and realise it was really a self-serving justification to feed my ego what it required at that time. We live our lives trapped in webs of self-deceit. Breaking free of those webs is an uncertain process. Sometimes we don’t know where we’re going, just that wherever we are now isn’t the right place.
For the past two summers I’ve had long periods of feeling invincible. In 2012 I came back from Yugoslavia having knocked over four girls in four weeks, three of whom were great scores, plus a bunch of dates and makeouts with girls of a calibre to make the typical man whimper. I felt I could do no wrong. Just walking down the street I had my chin up, chest forward and a spring in my step. Then came the inevitible downswing as I lost interest in approaching and relied on closing off existing leads for the rest of the year. 2013 has been a good run too. The highlight would have to be knocking over seven girls in fourteen days with really good quality. My Invincibility Upswing lasted longer this year but the seeds of destruction had been sown. As summer wore on I could feel my motivation flagging, suppressed self-doubts surfacing and my vibe deteriorating.
For the past two months I’ve been atrocious. I had a week or two of dismal failure on the streets, dragging myself out through forebrain-willpower and then having a series of flat sets and flaky numbers. A few dates I couldn’t concentrate on and finally I decided to go off the clock entirely for three weeks. Last weekend I gave it another try. 25 sets and no solid leads. My periods of good vibe were short and it seemed inevitable that when I did rattle off five great sets in a row on Saturday evening every single girl had a long term boyfriend. Bah!
Naturally I’ve tried to self-diagnose the problem. Why is it that at my peak this year (April) I dated twenty-one new girls in ten days and kissed almost all of them (and banged six) whereas the same number of opens in the past month netted me just three dates and no lays? It took a while to break through my own layers of self-deceit but I think I figured it out.
I’m not happy. I don’t mean woe-is-me-my-life-sucks unhappy. More that I’m relatively unhappy. Allow me to explain.
I believe our moods naturally follow a wave-pattern of upswings and downswings. Anyone who tells you he’s happy 100% of the time is lying to you whether he be a buddhist claiming nirvana or a player claiming self-actualisation. The human mind is not designed to be happy. It’s designed to strive for more, doling out intermittent happiness as a reward for moving forwards. The precise timing and shape of the waves depends on many factors, such as:
What confused me this year is that on paper I’ve had far and away the best year of my life. I’ve banged 26 new girls with an average quality higher than any previous year. I’ve travelled to Spain, Brazil, Russia, Romania, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Czech Republic and Serbia. I’ll only work a total of three months with the other nine devoted to my own pursuits. I’ve written a new book (well 100,000 words of it so far). I’ve stayed in good shape. I see my family plenty and have some good friends. I completed Grand Theft Auto V.
So on paper all is great. Yet the past two months I’ve been miserable and lacking any desire to do things. My usual hobbies of video games and reading fail to stimulate me. I’ve had little love for daygame and found dates too boring to engage myself. I’ve started tippling whiskey every night. I’m lacking conviction. So what’s the problem?
I’ve become bored with the New Normal. I’m restless.
I achieved the lifestyle I wanted and have been living it for about two years. The human brain responds to relative changes and thus tiny variations in success/failure are spun all out of proportion. It’s in our nature to experience an upswing when achieveing goals and then to level out, take it for granted, and become restless about the next goal. Happiness isn’t about getting what you want, it’s about enjoying what you get. That’s elusive.
So I’ve been meeting girls when my own head isn’t straight. I’ve dragged myself out onto the streets against my hindbrain’s inclination and I must be eminating miserable vibes. Why should I expect a woman to respond well to me when I’m disatisfied with my life? I’m inviting her to enter a reality I don’t enjoy myself so of course she’ll be reticent. Subtle changes in happiness are magnified through your vibe to create their impact on the girl. That’s why when you feel great you catch more IOIs and hook more girls. And when you suck, you suck balls.
Perhaps you’re wondering why I’ve written such a long self-absorbed ramble so here’s the point: everyone has these downswings. Game increases the volatility of your wave pattern with higher highs and lower lows (in emotional terms that is, the objective reality is higher highs and higher lows but it just doesn’t feel that way). Don’t be too hard on yourself when the struggle appears hopeless or just plain boring. So long as you are balancing work on your value (anabolic) with work on the streets (catabolic) you’ll eventually hit the next upswing.
Emotional control is the foundation of Game. Don’t let a downswing hand the reigns to avoidance weasel. Self-diagnose and figure out your action plan. Perhaps you need to push through more sets or perhaps you need to step away from the streets for a while. So long as you are implementing your Plan you can accept the downswing as a necessary purgatory while also not letting your upswings fool you into hubris.
* since writing this a week ago I can feel myself beginning an upswing