Infield with the London Real guys

Ok chaps, I’ve been busy enjoying this excessively hot London weather sipping Pimms from my hammock. Not much going on and not much I have to talk about. So here’s a little infield video with the LondonReal guys.

I was quite surprised by the uniformly positive response to the interview. Decidedly less haters than I’d have expected the topic to attract.

London Real interview on the PUA lifestyle

It would appear that the world at large is more interested to hear me talk than the dickheads I live with. Here’s a recent interview I did with the London Real boys. They do a regular radio-style interview program based around male development with guests such as Olympians, MMA fighters, yoga instructors and so on. This week was your humble writer here.

Thanks to Nic and Brian for the invitation and delicious thai green curry.

Don’t trust girls who won’t offer blowjobs

The subtext of courtship is in drawing a woman into your reality. An obvious question is how do you know when a woman is nestled comfortably in that reality. It’s a calibration question. So long as a girl has one foot outside the relationship, some island of independence and non-submission to your authority, she will remain a flight risk and will be less fun to be with. Consider this list:

1. She gives blowjobs. This is the single biggest indicator. Never trust a girl who wont get on her knees and suck your cock whenever you demand it. Ideally she will proactively offer. Blowjobs, among normal non-slutty chicks, are more submissive and a greater signal of soul-surrender than sexual intercourse. Don’t ever believe a woman who claims she dislikes or is ideologically opposed to putting a man’s cock in her mouth. I’ve had many girls who had never sucked cock before fall in love with it, and other fairly bolshy girls who claim they dislike it then suddenly can’t get enough. It’s a pure submission thing. If she’s not sucking your cock, she hasn’t submitted. If she hasn’t submitted, she’s not in your reality.

2. Her eyes don’t wander. A girl who is completely comfortable in your reality has eyes for no-one else. All of the attraction points she has to offer the world have been given to you. If you’re out in a bar and you notice your girl’s eyes wander, or if she’s tolerating (or worse, encouraging) beta orbiters / competing males on her Facebook, then she’s not fully in your reality. Once in love, women are terrified of suffering your disapproval and thus will actively deflect other men lest you think her a slut. Like beta males, a woman in love believes that her best chance of keeping you is to convince you of her devotion. Unlike beta males, she’s right.

3. She offers constant PDA. Somewhere in her hindbrain the girl wants to mark you as her man in order to repel other women. This will surface as constant public touching and orbiting plus things such as Facebook wall posts and tagging your in photos. It’s not simply Macchiavellian strategy. She also enjoys basking in your presence. She wants to be near you and draw off your male energy. Your job is to tolerate it and offer occasional encouragement.

4. Does as she’s told. Literally. When you say “come here”, she comes. When you say “cook me breakfast”, she cooks. She takes great pleasure in pleasing her boss to win his approval. If she doesn’t feel that drive it’s because you’re not her boss, and she’s thus not in your reality.

Earning approval

5. She revels in callback humour. Girls love to create special secrets that only the two of you share such as pet names, running gags, and predicting each other’s behaviour. She’ll begin pushing a pet name onto you in text messages and beaming with joy when you call her monkeypants or Little Miss Sandwich or a hamster. If she tells you you’re being childish, she’s still got a foot outside.

6. Content to just hang around you, silent. In the beginning of courtship there’s not alot of dead time between you. You’ll always be doing something together, going somewhere, talking and so on. When you find her blissfully happy just sitting next to you on a sofa while you check your mails and scratch your arse, she’s in your reality.

A girl who displays all the above signs is not a cheating risk. Not in the slightest. It’s a PUA myth that girls are ready to step out on their boyfriends at the next alpha to come along. That only happens when the girl already has a foot outside.

Daygame, masculinity and identity

Recent readers will be aware I gave a talk recently to a get-together of London daygame guys. It’s a weekly event that’s grown out of the “find a wing” function of the local forum and has recently begun inviting speakers for a pre-infield talk. So here’s the video of my talk.

Krauser, Saturday

There’s not much to add aside to what’s already on the tape. There’s a section with lots of background noise from roadworks.

Self-diagnosing your inner game vulnerabilities

At a talk I gave yesterday for the LSS I briefly went into that I consider the basic phases of a man’s journey through game. Namely:

Beginner’s Hell —-> Adventure —-> Maturity

So in the beginning everything is new and exciting but you have all kinds of problems. The psychology of unplugging from the matrix is complex and difficult because you have such a strong ego investment in your AFC ways. Most guys get enough ego payoff from their existing (mostly unsuccessful) attitudes that they can reframe themselves away from making any changes. Rollo Tomassi is probably the best writer on this topic. It’s not until a guy hits rock bottom and his ego is completely crushed by life events (such as my divorce) that he faces up to the reality that the current way isn’t getting him the life he wants.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result

So during the beginner’s hell phase you can have a swirling cocktail of thoughts and emotions. Your ego is trying to trap you into giving up and falling back into comfortable AFC patterns, your social circle is trying to put you back into your cage, you get constant bad feedback from girls because by approaching you have removed your buffers against rejection and suddenly discover you’re far less talented that you’d tricked yourself to believe, you have existential doubt from being unable to distinguish between good and bad advice….. fuck me the pain period is tough.

If you make it through (most don’t) things begin to click and you start having adventures. This is a really fun stage. You start pulling off stunts you’d have never thought possible, like same day lays or banging your first stripper. For the first time your identity changes and your subconscious begins to accept you can be the guy who is good with women. The biggest risk in this stage is turning to the Dark Side. Like a fatty discovering his first pie, the frequent-but-irregular payout of external validation and hedonistic pleasure becomes addictive. It’s easy to let your life slide and become Mr SNL or Mr Daygame. If you have an addictive or compulsive personality, you’ll suddenly find your whole life dedicated to the hunt for pussy.

Hopefully, you’ll eventually progress to the stage of Maturity. Banging women is put back into perspective with everthing else in life. You start to realise that this newfound power you have can be used for both good and bad, that it can mess up your life as well as the mess up the girls. I can’t write too much about this stage because I’m still bumbling through it myself. I have my ideas, but that’s all they are.

A blog I’ve recently started reading gives lots of advice for guys looking to transition from Adventure to Maturity. I’ve just read his post on attachment theory which, though it’s basically a restatement of the A-level textbook, offers some good insight to self diagnose what risks you specific to your situation. I liked this quote:

“For instance, a man may be more or less secure, get married to an anxious type, bring her up to a more secure level, but when they run into money trouble she falls back to her anxious level, cheats on him and then divorces him for all of his money, sending him into a tailspin of avoidance. He goes on to ignore intimacy and pump-and-dump women for the next 10 years, afraid to become intimate with any of them.”

That would be me if I stayed in the Adventure stage (in spirit, not specific details, my wife wasn’t a cheater or divorce-thief). He also links to an online test of your attachment type. Take the test. The goal is to transform yourself into a low-anxiety / secure man. If you score as “dismissive avoidant” you’ll ruin a generation of women while feeling empty and unhappy. If you score “fearful avoidant” you’ll likely regress into solitude and not approaching. The “preoccupied” quadrant suggests you are likely to get repeated oneitis and no matter how successful you become at getting girls, they’ll always ruin you.

Here’s how I scored. Three years ago I’d have been strongly dismissive-avoidant.

* Another good blog is Roosh. He doesn’t conceptualise his journey into these stages but over the past 2 years you can see, in the subtext, his gradual transition from Adventure to Maturity

My sticking point is……

There’s alot of guys out there who are hitting the streets on a regular basis, opening sets, running the model and…… not getting laid. Oh dear.

Daygame is not a hobby. If you’re approaching it with the same attitude you’d take to aircraft modelling, video games, stamp collecting or whatever then you are hamstringing yourself. I understand why people do it this way. It’s new, it’s exciting and you have approach anxiety so you have to make a game of it to reduce the ego strain. I get that. Fine. But at some point you have to move past it.

One of the biggest problems you have to work past in daygame is coming across as lightweight, as a pushover man. In bar game you can prop yourself up at a bar and laugh with all your friends, taking as much time as you wish to build vibe and draw IOIs. In street game you have to approach the girl out of nothing. It’s so easy to make the following mistakes:

• Throw loads of fake positive energy at her, responding “awesome!” to every utterance to fall out of her mouth
• Keep complimenting her past the original opening statement
• Telegraph a lack of confidence in having killed her momentum through filling all the silences and imploring her with your eyes.

I often see guys running up and down Oxford Street like buzzing beta bees. A strong gust of wind would knock them off their feet. They are too excitable, too boyish, too lightweight. If you are one of these guys…. sort it out.

Lightweight

A common misconception in Game is that you’re not getting laid because you have a “sticking point” somewhere in your model. Your model is an end-to-end tactical plan in which you shuttle the girl from stage to stage. It’s all tactics and techniques. So if you are struggling to reach hook point you work on that. If you are getting flakey numbers you need an anti-flake technique. Your success is determined by what you do in set and thus if you just keep approaching, you’ll fix it.

No. No. No.

You aren’t getting laid because you aren’t man enough for the quality of girls you are approaching.

There will be sets where you are merely fucking up your in-set process and thus you can iron out the flaws but these are a tiny minority. Mostly your sets fail because either (i) the girl isn’t available (a high proportion of them) or (ii) she’s not into you. When a girl is available and into you the set will be extremely easy. She’ll cooperate with you to remove all the obstacles between your cock and her fanny. That’s why guys who are good with women seem so smooth and effortless.

High value women do not sleep with low value men.

It’s easy to forget this. Most of the guys you see bragging on internet forums about getting laid are not providing photos. If they did you’d be rather unimpressed. Many of the guys producing flashy moves in the street or in the bar do not actually bang the girls. Even the big names – they aren’t getting laid as much or as with as high quality as they’d like you to believe. Certainly the ones I’ve met aren’t.

Believing the hype encourages you to believe a central misdirection in Game that what you do in set is important.

Yes, competent execution of the model is important but it is nowhere near as important as being a high value man. My personal metaphor is of a sports car. Imagine you want to win Le Mans 24 Hour. So you take your car onto the racetrack several times a week and hone your driving skills. You spend your evenings on race simulators and make some trips to the Le Mans circuit to drive the real track and research the brake distances and racing lines. After a while you’ll be a great driver and know exactly how to drive the track in an optimal manner.

Then you show up one June weekend for the race. With your Ford Focus. And wonder what sticking point stopped you winning the race.

but amazing in-set....

There’s alot of pussy hounds on the streets relentlessly approaching girls. Some of them, especially the ones who “get it” and don’t act like overexcitable hobbyists, develop finely-honed skills and expert calibration. They get laid. But they don’t get laid as much as they could because they are still lightweight one-dimensional men. So every lay is a grind, a limp payoff for hours and hours of drudgework. Usually with the bottom end of the quality pool that they approached.

If you want to up your success, take a break from approaching. Figure out how to be more of a man.

My online dating profile