Scaling the heights – A guest post from Steve Jabba
August 9, 2013 36 Comments
During my early twenties I followed boxing. Like all things I do I threw myself into it both in the training (action) and in watching and reading about it (theory). I’d buy the major monthly magazines such as Ring and KO, read the weekly Boxing News, and tape trade to get the latest fights.
One thing that always fascinated me was reading about the champions who derail their own lives and careers. Guys like Iran Barkley who was still functioning as a human punchbag into his early forties, unable to step away from the familiar sounds and smells of the gym and the glare of the ring lights. Guys like James Toney who could dazzle in winning a title and then need a gift decision to hand onto it against a journeyman with only a fraction of his talent. As Toney’s old trainer once said:
“Once James became champion he forgot everything that got him there.”
What is the psychological quirk in some high achievers that causes them to abandon a lifetime of struggle and dedicated work once they reach their goal? What does it feel like to dedicate twenty years to an Olympic dream and then finally stand on the podium to be awarded gold….. and mostly importantly, how does it feel the next morning when you shuffle into your bathroom in your boxer shorts to clean your teeth and see the gold medal lying on your table?
What happens when we achieve the goals we dedicated our lives to? We are standing on the top of Everest looking down. There are no higher summits left to scale. We’ve done it. What then?
Having dredged the PUA swamp for Vince Kelvin I thought we’d go to the other end of the spectrum and look at a man who has achieved every wannabe player’s dream. He’s accumulated the notch count. He’s reached the upper tier of quality. What happens then? So let’s turn it over to Steve Jabba……
Nick asked me to write this post, so here we are.
Scaling the heights : traversing the upper levels of PUA DOM. For the numbers oriented amongst you this means stuff like:
- Meeting and shagging girls within 40 minutes on a train (well it could be 43 minutes or less depending on the prevailing track conditions, wind speed etc). That ticks the box for speed seduction.
- Shagging 5 girls in a week from cold approach (multiple times) – low approaches/ result ratio
- Shagging 3 girls from one night out within a week, having met them all in the same venue – low approaches / results – nightgame
- Shagging 2 girls from 1.5 hour of daygame, 6 approaches, both hot girls, low approach / result ratio from daygame (publically available and peer reviewed evidence was posted on the LSS about 4 years ago for the REAL sticklers / doubting Thomas’s (yes I have seen your comments on Nicks blog) It doesn’t exist anymore so don’t bother looking
- Shagging very very hot girls indeed – the elusive 8-10′s that everyone talks about but virtually none can deliver – High quality
So how does it feel to be in this situation? What’s changed?
When I first found out about this stuff, I was something of a legend in my own mind. HA. A few close friends from my home town knew me as a guy who DID get results but also worked hard for it. From my own recollection I was plagued with social anxiety, depression and generally feeling like a square peg in a round hole.
Now, 8 years later, here I am:
- No social anxiety and a strategy for cutting depression off at the knees before it is allowed to develop. No real depressive interludes for 5 years now. I attribute this to persistence and hard work, but “game” was the unrelenting magnifying glass that FORCED me to figure this out. It’s hard to pull AND sustain a relationship if you are insecure and depressed, like I used to be.
- Complete absence of jealousy / worry about where I am on the totem pole vis a vis… Everything. It started off about 4 years ago that I had core confidence – i.e. unshakable belief in my abilities with women. Now I am pleased to say this feeling has spread to other areas of my life.In other words, I am very biased towards feeling internally validated. Happy in my own skin, not needing approval off others, no nasty doubting myself internal dialogue. This wasn’t always the case.
- I feel a little sorry for the headless chickens who don’t have this bias i.e. they are playing someone else’s game. Worrying about their peers, where they fit in, what car they drive, worry what their friends think, etc. They are playing by someone else’s rules. What rubbish! Judge yourself by your own yardstick. Generally feeling content in my life – just liking myself. High self esteem.
- I have a little compartment of my mind called “women” and that part is marked “FIXED”. I’m more interested in other areas now – making money and general personal growth and managing getting older. I am WELL aware that I am nearing 38 years of age and physical decline will come. It hasn’t started – yet – but I know it is inevitable..I believe I have the right mindset in place to cope with this. The last thing I want to become is a sad reflection of my former self, reliving old glories.I want to age with dignity and still preserve what I have, as much as possible.
- Increased ability to sustain a monogamous relationship. 6-7 years ago I just couldn’t do it – I had a genuine fear of commitment. Recognise this? I’m closer now than ever to being able to “hang up my boots” and say – right, I will give this relationship a go…Closer, but not totally there. Either way, it’s big progress for me ( I use the word progress advisedly).
Re women: I am much less active than I used to be. It takes really high quality girls to make me even be arsed to do anything. I approach maybe 1 or 2 a month, right now. Often nothing. I am still at my peak, I just don’t use it anymore and have far less inclination / motivation to do so.
Let me expand on this a little more…I still have love for this stuff. Beauty still moves me. When I get the chance, and I’m in a roomful of beautiful women I “switch on” …Nothing makes me feel more alive than doing my thing in these kind of situations. Now I have the maturity to be able to pull out my “best game” around the very hottest of women…It’s a motivator, rather than making me nervous / tongue tied, whatever.
The high standards were always there but what’s changed is probably 2 things:
- I feel I have nothing to prove to anyone, so the racking up the numbers drive is completely absent now
- I feel like I have put in my time. On some level I feel tired of having to spend time in having to go out, cold approach.
It’s time for something new, so right now I am actually strategising towards building a different kind of game – less reliant on cold approach. I’m aiming to build an ecosystem whereby very beautiful women come into my life by using
- My inherent value as a man which i’ve built up over all my time on earth. Note this isNo1. Without this, nothing fucking works. It’s the BASIS of everything else. Entourage game / social circle game junkies looking for a hack – take note!!
- Intelligent deployment of resources to make it easier and more convenient to access these kind of women. ( I have to get the resources first, of course. Attempting to build a passive income stream to facilitate this)
- A well chosen location to live. London is not ideal, by the way. And no, I am not going to tell you where this is. I put my time in travelling as Nick has done. You must do the same!
The only remaining personality “issue” that I have is a very strong sense of entitlement. When I drink alcohol this comes to the fore and I can be quite unpleasant to be around…But it is this strong sense of entitlement that has driven me to where I want to be with women, and is now responsible for propelling me towards making a lot of money, so I am not sure that I do want to tone it down. (Incidentally, I was advised to do this by a CBT therapist and tried..But failed.)
Over the years I’ve leaned more towards a white knight mindset. I do recognise that I have perhaps gone a little too far..I take on too much responsibility for looking out for girls, worrying about hurting them, to my own detriment and health…It never used to be this way. I’ve actually found recently that there are signs that girls now look up to me – almost like a father figure.
Let me expand on this…I think I see girls in a more “pure” way now….I still desire and love them, of course..Always have done. But I recognise how fragile they are too. The “power” that they supposedly have doesn’t intimidate me, and I actually cheer for them when I see them revelling in it. A little wry smile appears. Girls are supposed to be coquettes sometimes, and tease boys…So I don’t get resentful and think” bitches”….I think this is the natural order of things. It’s their feminine essence.
Recognising this, I am also able to screen far more effectively and quicker than before. On the rare occasions that I see it, I now know when a girl is being a cunt. I can recognise a genuine cunt from a girl who is just reacting based on insecurity, feminine pride, etc. It’s not my job to help the cunts, all I can do is remove myself and screen them out. It works beautifully well.
This has the knock on effect where I become somewhat enraged when I see misogyny in action – in real life and in the so called “manosphere”. It should be renamed “littleboyosphere” in my view. I think that if you have these kind of views, you’re not doing well with women, period. (Though I must confess I hardly ever bother reading or watching anyone else’s stuff. Zero interest).
Those are the internal qualities. I’m writing this post stream of consciousness so you may find it interesting that I’ve always thought this way : i.e. how does this relate to ME. Solipsism in action.
So there we go. If you do well with women you become a smug, self satisfied, arrogantmonster who thinks everyone else is a muppet! What could be more compelling than that – get cracking!