The Ego and Its Own

September 27, 2012
krauserpua

One of my startling realisations while doing the Advanced Inner Game Acceleration Program was that my ego is my friend. Received wisdom in the Game community identifies Ego as an enemy to be dropped or killed before you’ll be free to identify your problems and set about fixing them. This is half true. It’s certainly a necessary part of the process. In my case it was only after my wife left me in 2009 that I realised I was not the well-rounded awesome man I thought I was. Her presence, support and sexual provision satiated my ego’s cravings while shielding me from all the negative real-world consequences that could’ve dented it. Long dry spells have a way of forcing introspection but having hot sex with a hot girl who adores you has a way of blunting such self assessment. Like sportsmen tell you, losing is a better teacher than winning. So when she walked out and I spiralled downhill, my Ego was starved and in it’s weakened state I overcame it long enough to turn the tanker around.

The african savannah, yesterday

Your ego is responsible for two fixing processes that can be turned to either good or ill, depending how channeled. First, your ego provides the boundary control that allows percolation to occur. Second, it’s your primary resource in managing social position. I’d best explain my terms but first consider an obvious evolutionary psychology paradox – If you are evolved to execute the survive and reproduce program why have you developed a mental structure that greatly inhibits your ability to do so? Makes no sense. Common explanations for the Ego’s existence come down to situational mismatches and twisted socialisation. Captain Caveman will tell you the Ego is evolved for life on the African savannah in tribes of 50-100 people but the pace of social development under civilisation has rendered it obsolete, requiring inner game workarounds. Captain Manosphere will tell you boys are socialised into an unnatural role and their natural drives suppressed by the feminine imperative and this the Ego has a stunted growth, becoming an unruly child. Both are kinda true but my AIGAP tells me a third way.
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Your Ego is the friend you didn’t know you had. Consider the strongly positive influences your Ego can have on your life. Here’s some random thoughts your ego may trigger:
  • I’ve made my mind up about something and I’m gonna stick to it. If all those other people want to disagree with me, good luck to them. I know what’s best for me.
  • I’m not falling for that rubbish.
  • Sorry pal, you tried to steal my girlfriend. I’ll have nothing more to do with you
  • You called me a cunt in public. Them’s fightin’ words.
  • I want to make VP and get the corner office.
  • This suit makes me look way cooler than all the other guys round here
  • Do I look like James Bond when I stand like this?
Essentially your ego is what drives you to struggle and excel against other men. It’s your primary weapon in meeting women’s hypergamy needs. It’s what gets your back up and stops the world / other people from rolling you over and stealing your lunch money. When a woman you’ve approached in a bar does something outrageously rude it’s the feeling in your gut that says “Fuck this. I don’t care how hot she is, I’m not having that!” Like fire, the Ego needs to be trained and channeled so it will cook your food and heat your home, rather than burn your fingers. Your ego is the drive to conquer.

… and hear the lamentations of their women

So I use the term fixing to mean the crystalisation of your identity and it’s resistance to degeneration over time or from outside influence. Think of your identity as a big pot of gold sitting in a field you own. People are gonna fuck with it and steal your gold so the first order of business is to put a big fence around it. Some barbed wire, sentries, attack dogs, suitcase turret guns whatever. You need to enforce boundary control over your life so you can choose who gets in and you can choose to dole out your treasure on your terms. Hopefully you’ll make a rather better job of it than the UK Border Agency does at a national level. Your ego is the mental structure that keeps your boundary wall in place. When people fuck with you, your ego gets indignant. When people manipulate you, your ego gets suspicious. When people take advantage of you to steal your treasure, your ego does the stocktake and notices the pot of gold emptier than records suggest. Crucially, it also controls the flow of ideas into your neural net. A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything.

I owned this one once

Percolation is my term for the slow and steady acceptance of new ideas, people and behaviours into your life. Literally, imagine a coffee percolator. To make your morning coffee you get some beans, grind them, fill up the filter, and add water. Then press Go and wait five minutes as it hisses, spurts, and a steady trickle of coffee drips into the jug. It is only then, after every drop of water is filtered and every gram of coffee run through the filter paper that you pour it into your cup and drink. What you don’t do is dump a few teaspoons of instant Nescafe into the cup. Well, you could but it’ll be a shit cup of coffee. Percolation is an important boundary management tool because it allows you to take onboard new life-improving features while still aggressively screening at the point of entry. Taking the Instant route of downloading your opinions, friends, lifestyle choices is relying on a pre-filter by people who don’t have your interests at heart. Without a solid base, you will be tossed around on the waves of fashion. Without a solid change management process, you will acquire more parasites and viruses than a London council estate.
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My friends are aware that I never concede a key pillar of my case while I am still in an argument. Yet I am not so inflexible as to never admit I’m wrong. My strategy is to defend my boundaries and hold my frame during the argument while taking receipt of their ideas in a quarantined holding cell. Those ideas are the coffee beans. Over the days and weeks that follow their ideas will percolate through and, if they are right, I’ll change my mind. Thus I avoid the twin extremes of obsessive frame control / not bending until you break in a spectacular meltdown and also being a total pushover open to anything. It should be clear how this helps your frame when dealing with women.
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The second core function of your ego is to drive you to engage and win in the male dominance hierarchy. You’re probably aware that Echart Tolle spent two years living on a park bench while Buddha was a fat fucker and all those Indian mystics live in filth-ridden caves. That’s the problem with killing your ego, you achieve nothing. I suspect those guys don’t get laid, and if they do it’ll be because the ego is re-activated to set up a Guru-Acolyte frame for deep conversion. Sneaky fuckers. But weirdo hippies aside, a life without ego is a life without purpose. You need that nagging feeling that other men are doing better than you, having more fun than you, earning more money than you, fucking more girls than you, getting better work assignments than you… that’s what gets you competing and achieving. You just have to know when to turn it off. Don’t take your work home with you. Once Ego Achievement Monkey has advanced your station in life you put him back in the cage until you need him again.

Please sit in reception until called

To summarise. Your Ego is your friend. He exists because he fortifies you against external frame control threats. A strong well-managed ego is your personal hard dominance tool that secures your pot of gold. Problems only occur when he’s allowed to run rampant. When monkeys run the zoo they just fling shit at each other. So don’t make your frame so strong it can’t respond to real-world opportunities to improve nor make your drive for social position so strong that it steamrolls your life purpose.

18 Comments

  1. It’s = it is, possessive = its!!! The fuck is wrong with people, it’s not rocket science… [I was educated in a UK comprehensive. K.]

  2. “In my case it was only after my wife left me in 2009 that I realised I was not the well-rounded awesome man I thought I was. Her presence, support and sexual provision satiated my ego’s cravings while shielding me from all the negative real-world consequences that could’ve dented it.”

    In hindsight Krauser, could you have been that well-rounded awesome man, or have you learned lessons about what to change for next time? [I had glaring flaws I didn't confront until after my divorce. K.]

    Curious- does your ex wife know about this blog? [Dunno. Probably.]

  3. How do you come up with these articles so damn fast?

    Blindingly good again Nick.

  4. “Purpose” as you use it here is still shallow and artificial. It seems as if the common response to the fact that life has no ultimate purpose is to create a lifestyle that helps you forget that life has no ultimate purpose. Most guys choose to value freedom, women, and a certain level of comfort. Tyler from RSD says that even though life has not ultimate purpose his instructors would be whiny bitches without the lifestyle.

    Both you and Tyler look down on the spiritual cave dwellers and speak and act as if hard work itself is intrinsically good. Why?

    If everything you do is ultimately meaningless, why bother? [Happiness is my purpose. Arbeit Macht Frei. K.]

    • cheeky. is this a mushrooms thing? that the pursuit of a ephemeral state can be called a purpose? [No. It's a tool to occasionally deploy for the advances you take forward in your normal life. I disapprove of using it as a recreational aid to reach a drug-induced nirvana. That's the oblivion of the opium den. K.]

      • I guess its good for you that you figured out your purpose, but I’m going to keep searching. Happiness seems to fleeting and insubstantial to be an ultimate purpose, and I don’t find that work does anything for me. Congrats

  5. It makes sense that in tribal life you are relatively set in the the hierarchy of hunting / physical stature / skill. Your tribe leader might be ripped and wise, and there is simply no way you can surpass that short of backstabbing or natural death. So the ego exists to solidify your place in the hierarchy.

    If a threatening male comes along to usurp your position, you have a biological interest in having your position internalized: you will sound much more convincing, calm, and logical if your ego believes that you are where you should be. You will feel that someone has wronged you and will fight to protect it.

    And much like your percolation idea, when a higher status male dies (for example), everyone moves up a rung. It will be a gradual awakening and steady shift to your new role so that you don’t feel overwhelmed, etc.

    How would you usurp someone’s position when their ego will protect his status at all costs? Instead of engaging him physically, you have to engage his ego on his own terms. Instead of you trying to make his ego look foolish to others, you have to make his ego look foolish to himself.

  6. Buddha wasn’t fat, that’s a common misconception.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Budai

    but nice article by the way, a lot of good articles on this blog recently.

  7. Steve P…. to correct someone improperly using “its” or “it’s”, you might not want to omit key words in your rant, making it grammatically incorrect, and revealing yourself to be just as guilty and therefore a fool.

    Anyway, Krauser, I liked this, and I agree. I saw a shirt in a ‘Vans’ store that said “your ego is not your amigo”, and I immediately scoffed at it. Of course, an ego must be internally managed to keep life in balance, but without we are beta schlubs at best.

    I’ve always had a lot of ego. Since I learned to channel it, it has served me quite well. It is a required weapon against the onslaught of negativity and attack the world offers. It is the only way to operate in a state of ‘Amused Mastery’.

  8. do you own your ego or does it own you…that is the question.

  9. “My friends are aware that I never concede a key pillar of my case while I am still in an argument. Yet I am not so inflexible as to never admit I’m wrong. My strategy is to defend my boundaries and hold my frame during the argument while taking receipt of their ideas in a quarantined holding cell. Those ideas are the coffee beans. Over the days and weeks that follow their ideas will percolate through and, if they are right, I’ll change my mind. Thus I avoid the twin extremes of obsessive frame control / not bending until you break in a spectacular meltdown and also being a total pushover open to anything. It should be clear how this helps your frame when dealing with women.”

    You must be the biggest pain in the arse ever to argue with. Remind me never to try to convince you of something LOL.

    • Sometimes people will argue with you and put forward a seemingly more convincing argument and win it through you conceding, them gaining all the status rewards etc. that comes with winning an argument. Later on you sit down and you realise you were actually right in the first place, so essentially you got taken for a ride.

      I’m glad Krauser has written this post, what he writes here about the ego seems intuitively correct to me and I always had a bad feeling about people telling me to kill the ego off entirely.

  10. Pingback: LIGFY – After The Hang Over Recap | Society of Amateur Gentlemen

  11. Very balanced post. T. from The Rawness went on an anti-ego trip awhile ago. I disagreed with him then and still do. Yes, a rampaging ego can kill you, either by making you fear loss all the time, or by making you overcompensate in the other way. But we are social creatures and need the approval of at least some other men.

  12. “What you don’t do is dump a few teaspoons of instant Nescafe into the cup. Well, you could but it’ll be a shit cup of coffee”

    Was surprised to see this in an Englsihman’s blogpost. I definitely got the impression that Instant Nescafe is what you all considered to actually be coffee.

    All-in-all though, good post on ego and the necessity/benefit of it. I didn’t really realize people in “the community” were anti-ego. (Then again I’ve never been a huge fan of “the community” guys.) I would’ve thought the ego is something that is inherently male and therefore should be something to embrace and value in order for a man to be a man.

  13. I enjoy your posts, but here are some facts from history:

    Buddha (Sidhartha Gautama) was born in royal family, so according to custom of that time he had 500 “wifes” before he became interested in “spirituality, so I assume he was layed a lot.

    Tantric practices sometimes mean sexual practices and are the highest teachings (monks are entery level)

    Kamasutra comes from India and “porno” sculptures in Khajuraho temples too.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khajuraho_Group_of_Monuments

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