October 25, 2011 31 Comments
I was having a chat with Skeletor recently about some of the tensions in game theory and lifestyle that I’m trying to resolve to my satisfaction. Of late I’ve felt like much of successful game results from squaring a circle by creating a synthesis of (initially) mutually exclusive conditions. For example:
- building attraction in high value women requires genuine disinterest yet it’s the male’s role to initiate the courtship ritual
- it’s necessary to approach thousands of girls to get good at game yet being “the guy who approaches thousands of girls” is an unattractive pussy beggar
- the best attraction and investment from girls comes from making them chase you and yet leadership and direction are needed to close
- preselection is the most powerful attraction switch but it also projects a player vibe that undercuts comfort
- enforcing boundaries against time-wasting and other bad behaviour is necessary to retain your dignity but it’s equally important to be unreactive as if you simply don’t care about the bad behaviour
I don’t think any of these tensions are irresolvable but they do require a reframing of the original false dilemma. Maybe that’s a subject for another post. For now I’ll discuss what I consider an irresolvable tension: that between the light and dark sides of game.
This comes under the heading of what I call “nice guy strength”. Men are born to lead and protect women, and those men who climb to the top of the value pyramid are better able to do so. You accept women’s submissive role as being their desire to step inside your reality and give themselves up to your direction and order. By accepting their submission you are also taking responsibility for her physical and emotional welfare. You become the man of steel and velvet. While she sits inside your reality she can blossom and grow, learning about herself and life and in return she provides you with the sex and affection that lightens the burden you have assumed. It’s a co-operative value-for-value exchange.
This is the aloof arsehole / pussy hound. Women are sexual creatures who love to fuck but only with men who know the “game” and thus know how to pick them up, build attraction, and then rush them through the stages towards sex – ruthlessly filtering and burning the timewasters who aren’t DTF. You’re in it for the satisfaction of your desires above all else. If that means dangling the relationship carrot before a pump and dump, so be it.
Like the jedi in Star Wars, budding young apprentices are beset by the temptation to stray to the Dark Side for one simple reason – it’s easier. It’s not easy, but it is easier to see faster results. To become a man who can stand open before a quality girl – showing his full character and intentions – and still get her requires you to slay all your personal demons, develop all sides of your character and thus become the man who can fulfill her interpersonal needs as a woman. This is not easy. It’s a commitment to becoming a better man, not simply one more skilled in the crimson arts. It’s easier to fall back to Plan B. The latter’s ease comes from one basic principle:
You are bending and breaking the rules that other people in society expect as the minimum standards of behaviour
If we agree that I will sell you my laptop for £300, then I take the money and run, as I sit in my flat counting my loot cackling “haha, I really took that sucker” – have I really bested you? No, I haven’t. I’ve simply cheated you by breaking an expectation of yours that would hold for the 99% of people you deal with who are not dirty rotten scoundrels. You are not an idiot for holding onto those expectations because if you allow all bets to be off you would sink into the same pit of self-loathing and misery that the scoundrels inhabit. Better to just charge the £300 to the Game and move on.
Likewise the dark side of game is leading girls on with fools gold. [note: I'm not talking about honestly filtering for DTF girls - that's mutually consensual with full knowledge of each other's intent. It has it's own problems but it's not "dark side" as I mean the term here]
I wouldn’t say Plan B is wrong. The continually restocking pool of aspiring PUAs is an adversarially-selected bunch of guys who get into Game precisely because they are not having success with women. Plan B will get you laid. Getting laid is a huge improvement in your life vs not getting laid. So go for it. I did.
The problem is in thinking that’s all there is to Game or in becoming so seduced by the lifestyle that you start to think its an end to itself. Here’s the pros and cons of it, as I’ve witnessed from those I’ve personally seen spend too long in the dark side;
- High lay count
- Sophisticated calibration
- Funny stories
- Creepy vibe
- Unbalanced life
- Constant search for stimulation
- Low quality women
Yes, I said that. Low quality women. I have never yet met the man who can bang top drawer women using a dark side frame. I’ve seen them bang the occasional hot girl, but girls who were clearly internally damaged. They also don’t bang “out of their class” – i.e. tall, good-looking, well put-together Darksiders can bang 8s. But they are male 9s on the same criteria (the wrong criteria, as it happens) and they can’t keep those girls around in anything resembling a balanced relationship. But mainly, the problem is a deeper-rooted long term problem
They are unhappy people