An Italian wanders into my killzone. Be careful with that “send friend request” button, girls!
July 9, 2011 7 Comments
I’m minding my own business on Facebook chat with some girls, as I’m wont to do, when a random Italian sends me a friends request. I search my memory and I’m pretty sure I’ve never met her before. She’s made a mistake.
A big mistake.
Let’s find out what sort of trouble she’s landed herself into…..
Her: are you the guy from soho???
Me: probably, I go there alot on the street?
Her: maybe…but you are the wrong guy [ok, that's cleared up the mystery. Let's see if I can reel her in]
Me: no problem I have a common name so who are you? [low investment, she ought to be polite after opening me]
Her: the most common in england i think i am [Milano]
Me: That much I already know you look Italian [slight defiance, make a guess - easy because of her name - and see if she's curious about what I think of her]
Her: haha i am
Me: like one of the crazy Sardinians [tease, start to put her into a box]
Her: no from milanno
Me: oh dear….. I nearly got murdered in Milan [bait a story, see if she wants to draw it out of me]
Her: haha why? mafia?
Me: I was there on business my last job I travelled all over the world usually Brazil, Japan etc, but we had an office in Milan on my first night I get a taxi from the airport as we come into the city centre, the taxi goes slow because a woman is lying in the road this is a black mercedes. It doesn’t say “taxi”. My secretary booked it there was a group of 10 middle-class middle-aged people near her like they were going to the opera very Milan-style clothes and suddenly they attacked my taxi shouting they were gonna kill us [standard A2 DHV story. All true. She opened me so I can easily feign disinterest in classic Mystery manner]
Me: :( I thought “Milan is full of crazy people”
Her: probably thats why i’m not there anymore [she's happy to talk about herself, so I can get her to work a little]
Me: why did you come here?
Her: i dont like milan or italy in general haha
Me: your food is good [positive frame]
Her: that’s true i’m still cooking it here
Me: oh, so you like cooking? [ bait]
Her: yes [hook]
Me: +10 points for you ;) [reel]
Me: women in England can’t cook My last girlfriend was from Uzbekistan. She cooked amazing stew! [release]
Her: uzbekistan? omg!hahah
Me: well, she was culturally Russian cos she lived in Moscow since she was 15 for all the shows but cooked Uzbeki food. Yum!!!! [preselection DHV and a chance for her to ask about me, which she doesn't take this time]
Her: i’ve never tried that food
Me: I cook Japanese mostly [minor DHV]
Her: japanese? i love japanese food [rapport seeking]
Me: I lived there. Beautiful people have you been? [DHV, allow commonality without jumping on it, stack]
Her: yes once it’s an amazing country and culture
Me: wow +5 where did you go? [reward, stack]
Her: tokyo, yokohama, shizouka and yamanashi and some towns between [she's investing]
Me: ok, I understand the first 3 but why yamanishi? [not completely won over]
Her: don’t remeber all the names my friend is from there hahaha
Me: ! So you wandered around Japan, causing trouble…. … like a ninja or wild geisha [put her in a box]
Her: yes always
Me: yeah, you’re trouble
Her: i am [she's playing along, she knows that if we meet I'm not gonna force her to be a nice girl]
Me: I’m gonna tell my mum
Me: she told me to avoid Italian girls [flip the script - frame her as chasing me for sex]
Her: she is clever
Me: “Nick, never date an Italian” she said. “They are all perverts” “She will kill you when you sleep”
Her: hahahah yes, that’s what we do [playing along, she's attracted]
Me: So I tried dating an Italian. [bait her to ask about it]
Her: are you british? [she ignores bait, she wants to find out more about me - an IOI]
Me: nope. that’s like me saying you are from Greece [defiance, and put it back onto her]
Me: you look a bit Greek, actually [another box she doesn't want to be in and will qualify to climb out of]
Her: thats not the samei don’t look greek
Me: yeah you do I found a photo of you looking greek
Her: ¬¬ idiot… haha [IOI]
Me: :P So what do you do in London? [elicit investment on a high]
Her: i found one yours as well… [playing along, working, investing - a great sign]
Me: British Bulldog
Her: i love that dogs they are so ugly [IOI]
Me: hey! that’s saying I’m ugly my profile photo is so cuuuuuute -3 points for Milanno [tease disapproval...]
Her: ahahha what u do in london? [....which triggers rapport-seeking. She's thinking "who is this guy I'm suddenly attracted to?"]
Me: I was an investment banker now I’m a writer
Her: a writer?
Me: yup [not jumping on the chance to talk about myself. I'm not gonna qualify]
Her: how many events have you written? books hahah
Her: did you sell any?
Me: One of my jobs in Japan was a fight journalist. I wrote alot about fight / boxing / martial arts all of them :) sold out!
Her: to your family and friends? [she's enjoying this and I'm happy to let her keep investing]
Me: -5 points for the cheeky Italian girl [more teased disapproval]
Me: If you were here, I’d spank your naughty ass Are you a reader? [sexualise then immediately stack, see how she reacts]
Her: yes but i just read real books hahahah not boring ones :P [she accepts it but doesn't expand upon it. Good sign but not a slamdunk]
Me: blah blah blah I don’t think you read I think you just talk alot
Her: why not i talk a lot too
Me: this is the books you read
It’s about you [another box, while also letting her know the sex will be good and non-judgemental]
Her: haaha yes my favorite book
Me: So why London? [need some comfort and qualification before progressing to close]
Her: i like london its a cool city
Me: true do you work here?
Her: yes do you know [name of where she works]?
Me: the shoe shop?
Me: it sounds like a club
Her: its a bar restaurant very cool in [west end] street
Me: ah, I know [that] st. My favourite cafe is there [commonality]
Her: haha well, i work there as an event cordinator
Me: oh, so you’re a very organised girl [qualify her]
Her: yes at least at work
Me: I just knew you were gonna say that and your social / personal life is disorganised!
Her: exact hahaha
Me: typical young girl…. [more boxes]
Her: haha are u organised?
Me: extremely too organised for you you’d hate me [false disqualifier]
Me: I’d be always telling you off for being late….. forgetting things… … losing my stuff [basic Mystery style]
Her: haha do you think so?
Me: well, I’ve never actually met you… but probably I’d need to discipline you make you into a real elegant lady like that Audrey Hepburn movie [set her hoops to jump through to please me, while framing myself as above her]
Her: i am i’m better than her [she thinks she's winning, but she's qualifiying]
Me: big words
Her: haha haha
Me: Do you work normal Monday-Friday? [logistics, assume the sale]
Me: when’s your days off?
Her: it depends not always the same ones it depends on work
Me: this coming week, I mean
Her: wedn and thursday
Me: ok, I’ll have a look at you. Give you some tips on being a proper English lady [I'm being won over, just]
Her: i don’t want to be an english lady [resistance is part of the game for girls]
Me: I know, it’s tough for Italians we’ll start with some English tea [reframe, bulldozer objections]
Her: I won’t be an english girl… never!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: I guess it’ll be mojitos then
Her: ok, better [it's on]
Me: text me [my number]
Her: i can’t now
Me: ok, what’s yours
Her: i’ll text you later idon’t know my non-work phone number
Me: no probs You’re at work now?
Me: obviously they aren’t working you hard enough…..
Her: hahaha i can do two things at the same time
Me: Walking and chewing gum?
Me: I’m gonna have a shower [escape the scene of the crime before the cops show up]
Me: Nice meeting you Milano. Now get back to work! [comfort and order her around]
Her: i am working not hard at the moment but working
Later that evening I get the “hey, it’s me!” text. Result.