It’s a sunny day and I’m in the garden relaxing with the RSG gang. I open up a few chats, of which this is the most notable. My plan with this girl is to just keep the comfort / rapport going and some light simmering attraction while I wait for her next birthday, because she’s a bit younger than I’m comfortable with. Over time I should be collecting the soul and then I’ll ramp it up when the time is right.
This chat is interesting because I have to deal with the reality that she’s in another country and has other romantic interests who are closer to her and have longer history. So above all I can’t be getting jealous. Rather, I accept it as inevitable and simply work on my position relative to his.
Me: the french hamster [attraction refresh, keep the frame as she's a bratty little kid]
Her: yo !
Me: they could make a good cartoon show about you [I'm about to go into a little tease story]
Her: tell me what you do when someone that you really love don’t want to forgive you ? MDR LOOL [instead it sounds like she won't be listening cos she has something on her mind, so I snip myself and take what she's offering. It's a good rapport opportunity and she's basically looking for advice, which is an easy way to position myself and reframe her reality]
Me: it’s ok, I forgive you
Her: MDRRR no seriously
Me: don’t know. Tell me the story, so I can understand the situation [I don't give advice without knowing facts, and I want her to invest. This is a good chance to see how she thinks. Also, I genuinely want to help her if she needs it. It's not all games]
Her: well .. a friend was dating a girl for 3 years now but she cheated on him so he left her his ex add me on face and was asking me to tell her what was on his facebook pasge so i was telling her but i was about to date this gay
Me: gay or guy? [low hanging fruit, but also my frame is that this is just kids stuff and easy for me to advise upon from my position of maturity]
Her: guy lol :p
Me: maybe both….
Her: MDR so he knew it and he tols me to never speak with him again and he deleted me ect and now i apologized and everithing but he doesnt want to forgive –’ for a stupid story like this
Me: ok, let me paraphrase this translate from girl logic… [attraction, leading, reframing]
Me: 1. You wanted to date a guy. He’s already your friend. Not a stranger. 2. You became facebook friends with his ex. You told her some things about his current life [making it obvious I can talk about these things without being weird, and that I'm not trying to talk her out of it]
Me: 3. He finds out you are talking to her. He gets worried. [position him as a worrier] He feels you have betrayed him, somehow 4. He gets angry, and throws all his toys out of the pram. [position him as reactive] 5. You are disappointed, because you can’t date him now. And extra-disappointed because he might stop being friends with you [rapport with her] is this correct?
Her: oui this is exactly that !
Me: does he know you fancy him?
Her: yes but him too
Me: so you fancy him, he fancies you?
Me: even though you look like a hamster? [attraction in the push]
Her: yes even though i look like a hamster :p
[her internet cuts out for 10 minutes]
Her: im back
Me: your internet sucks ok, my thoughts….. It’s just a little temper tantrum from him he’s still a boy, learning to be a man [position him, I'm assuming he's also a teenager] so he’s learning about trust. He’s learning that a man does not accept bad behaviour from his woman [implication is I don't either and I know what a real man is because I am one] but it is new for him, so he has over-reacted you did nothing badly wrong you should not have told her things from his facebook [but I do have to tell her off for bad behaviour, not just validate her] but it’s just kids stuff
Her: ok ok .. so i wait for him to come back or what do i do now ? [a sign of trust]
Me: There’s no obvious right answer Kids change their mind all the time. They are unstable
Her: he’s 21 i dont think that he’s still a kid lol [a surprise]
Me: Hmmmmm Keep your dignity give him some time, don’t get emotional and needy
and then when he is ready, he’ll calm down and talk to you again if he still likes you [which is the same advice I'd give a kid sister]
Her: ok lol thank you :)
Me: it’ll be fine but here’s some life advice for you…… Boys come and go. Girls come and go. Never get too excited about one person Don’t weaken yourself and do things that make you feel bad, just to impress somebody else [again, genuine advice]
Her: lol thank you ;)
Me: I’m thinking of buying a hammock [and snip]
Her: oh yeah its a great idea !!
Me: I want to be a pirate :) We have a big garden. We’ve been sitting outside, drinking juice, listening to music would be perfect to have a few hammocks between the trees
Her: yeaah i love hammocks its amazing when its sunny
Four hours later she pops up again.
Her: You know about the guy i was talking about evererithings good :) i told him to call me and i explains everithing soo its ok :)
Me: well done I’m glad you fixed it
You can never control a girl. You can only control yourself and your response to her. She’ll break up with him eventually, or I’ll just steal her off him. But for the next six months I’m not interested in any of it.