I blow an SDL by trying to start a fight
February 24, 2011 20 Comments
I’m out with Moran in the west end for daygame. It’s been a while since I did a proper session. We do a few models and head up to Regent Street till I finally see some Krauser girls. First off I get a quickie facebook off a French girl who is only here a few days and off to meet her mum. Then I see a really curvy Brazilian and give chase. Check out the video for the open, instant date and second date later that night. I’m really off form but she’s hooking strong anyway.
So far so good, right?
Nope. It started well. She’s into me at the approach, IOIs, and we get a coffee in Starbucks. In the pub after that I verbally escalate and she’s responding well. There’s no bones about what’s going on and she’s only in the UK two more days. Kino is good, with handholding and thigh touching. I clearly IOI her sexually. She rebuffs two kiss closes with a “not now” and no attempt to escape. There’s a time constraint on both sides because I’ve arranged to meet two daygamers for a coffee and she’s had a long distance meet arranged with some guy she once knew at university who now works in London. She tells me she barely knows him.
So we agree to part at 6pm and meet up again for a drink in Camden at 9pm. There’s no doubt whatsoever about the frame. If she shows up, it’s an SDL. We swap numbers and I give her an out – if anything changes she can text me to bail. At 9pm I show up. She’s 20 minutes late but physically present. So it’s on. Or not….
“My friend should be here” she says. Yes, she’s arranged to meet the guy at the same time. I make my first mistake – I should clarify right now if its a date or not (and walk if its not). I don’t. I figure maybe it’s just a quick pint with him for appearance purposes. This girl was IOIing big time in the instadate so it doesn’t enter my head this guy is gonna hang around and get in her way.
Dude is a commodities trader. I fucking despise traders. Every last one of them I met (and I met alot during my career) is a shallow stressed blowhard. This guy doesn’t disappoint. Right from the off he’s trying to amog me. He’s a smart guy with alot of backbone, being a trader. No pushover. And he keeps slipping into Portuguese with my girl. And he will not shut up.
I’m watching thinking he’s being a tool, and she’s not responding to him at all. There’s very little I can do. I make my next mistake – she knew this was a date, she knew the score, and she still brings this guy out without warning me in advance. She’s playing. I should’ve spotted it and called her out but I didn’t. So she’s sitting with two guys, one of whom (me) has already declared clear sexual intent and the other who is qualifying qualifying qualifying and clearly wants to fuck her. Evidently she can stay all night basking in the validation. So I refuse to give it. I let him talk, don’t defer, don’t seek rapport, and don’t fight for attention.
He gets ruder and ruder. He’s talking over me, calling England worse than shit, bigging himself up, disagreeing with literally everything I say, and trying to push me down. I really ought to just punch him he’s that much of a cunt, but I figure that’ll kill the vibe. And the girl is tolerating it. She could’ve easily said something in Portuguese to rein him in without belittling him infront of me but she failed to do so for the obvious reason she wanted this to continue.
So I lose all respect for her. I still want to fuck her, which is my third mistake. No amount of sex is worth losing the frame but here I am sitting having a drink with a girl who clearly doesn’t deserve my time. The guy keeps pushing until finally he goes too far. To paraphrase the video:
Him: England is shit. It’s history. The future is China, India, Brazil.
Me: Wait and see. There’s a reason we civilised and invented everything.
Him: You guys only did well because you are so violent. All the knowledge and culture was in Persia.
Me: Not true. Learn history. England ruled the world because we had Christianity, monogamy and the reformation. That created the social conditions for the agricultural and industrial revolutions.
Him: blah blah, that’s bullshit. There’s monogamous tribes in the amazon and they didn’t civilise.
Me: Maybe its because they are Brazilian [bear in mind he'd spent two hours belittling Europe and europeans, particularly English, and I'd already decided I was happy to burn the set]
Him: That’s racist. You’re a racist shit.
Me: Just facts. Everything of value that was ever invented was by a white straight beta male [I'd already been explaining the monogamy = civilisation thing to the girl and she was giving me rapt attention, so he was constantly trying to talk over me and say bullshit as he felt himself no longer the centre of attention]
Him: You’re a racist English shit. Are you saying all the whites are better.
Me: No. I’m saying England had the cultural conditions to civilise, Brazil didn’t. Nor did Japan or China or India.
Me: Everything you’ve said tonight is anti-English. You’ve no business accusing me of racism
Him: I’m not anti-English [a flagrant lie], I am anti-American
Me: I’m pro-American. Well, I don’t like Obama but Bush was ok.
He gets more het up and foolishly I’ve allowed myself to get sucked in and be reactive. I’d simply decided my boundary about being hectored by a retard was more important than fucking a girl who invites such a situation. And to be honest, this guy was never going to fuck off and leave me isolated so he’d already succeeded in killing the set. I decide I’m gonna physically back him down.
I give him a challenging “fuck with me if you dare” look and start pressing him on why he called me a racist, that it’s an insult and he’d better defend it. He can’t, he’s just bluster. I happen to have a rolled-up till receipt in my hand that I’ve been playing with. I flick it at him and catch him between the eyes. Beautiful shot! He flips, stands up like he’s about to attack me. I stay laid back, hold eye contact, flip him the finger and tell him to fuck himself. Then I calmly wait for the violence to begin.
The girl immediately gets up and tries to calm it. He realises I’m ready to fight and dick tucks behind some bluster, then starts walking out. The girl is 50/50 on what to do and ends up following him. I blank her. He tries some parting shot that I blank as I’ve already stopped paying attention to him. I see him in the corner of my eye necking his pint, very very angry. The girl is looking perturbed, like her validation-fest didn’t go to plan. She seems to have contempt for the guy but she’s still with him and not me. They leave. No kino, no IOIs, no raised state from her towards him. There’s no way he fucks her, but he did a good job of stopping me fucking her.
I sit back with the strange quiet satisfaction of a boundary clearly drawn, mixed with the tinge of disappointment that I didn’t fuck a hot girl who had seemed so up for it just a few hours earlier. Live and learn.
1. If a girl springs a guy on me, clarify it’s a date and walk out if she gives bullshit. No point wasting time trying to pass her stupid tests.
2. When faced with a smart mouthy amog, do the Reardon gambit. I of all people should’ve known this.
3. Don’t try to win the arguments he starts. Just point out his compulsive need to argue and frame him as try-hard.
4. Hold the girl accountable. The entire displeasing situation was of her engineering and she enabled it the whole way.
5. Never ever ever lose the frame to get sex.