September 30, 2010 17 Comments
I figure that HB Low Esteem wants to stick around so I bring her along when I meet Jambone outside the Prospeckto cafe at about 6pm. Earlier when I was DHVing about the fashion parties I organise I told her how I’d set them up with Jambone because although he’s not part of the industry he has dated lots of models – multi-layering the DHV by subcommunicating I have high value friends. Then as we sit down I introduce him with: “You know why Jambone looks like a rock star? Because he actually is one” and JJ rattles of a reflexive DHV about his music.
Mistake 1 – I over-DHV’d my wing. The pre-selection and social proof combined with his inherent mystery and new-shiny-thing-ness to elevate his value above mine.
About thirty minutes in Squirrel and Leggy text to say they’ve arrived. Although Jambone-Leggy is the nexus it still remains my set on account of the open. I text directions and the girls come join us as we run introductions.
Mistake 2 – I didn’t clarify my preselection in the merged set. When the girls arrived Leggy naturally projected investment towards Jambone and thus the two girls were preselecting him, not me, in Low Esteem’s eyes. Even when two hours later they tell her how we met it is immaterial because the emotional spike has already happened in Jambone’s favour. What I should’ve done is go meet the pair myself and bring them to the cafe so Low Esteem sees me leading two cute girls.
I got some of the set on video so watch for more subtle errors. The set wasn’t lost yet, but Low Esteem was starting who wonder who the leader is and with her being a slut she would value that more than the two hours rapport advantage I had on Jambone.
0:10 – Girls are getting to know each other by talking about learning Russian at school. We let them invest.
0:35 – Shouldn’t have said that. Looks like I’m trying to elbow my way into the conversation. I was already starting to lose my frame at this point.
0:51 – Note how relaxed Jambone’s vibe is, leaning back with little movement. He never broke this posture and thus was strongly DHVing. Too strongly for a wing.
1:09 – So the two young girls laughed at what he said after having ignored what I said. My value is sinking.
1:17 – Recognising the dynamic, Jambone jumps on my comment to DHV me.
1:43 – I’m talking waaay too fast now. Another symptom of losing the frame.
1:52 – Jambone subtly orders me to talk to the waitress. It’s subconscious but while including her raises my value, the fact I was following his lead keeps him higher still.
2:00 – Low Esteem’s reactions shows the set isn’t lost, it’s just in the balance. I still had plenty of value at this stage. The problem wasn’t that she didn’t want to fuck me, just that eventually she wanted to fuck Jambone more.
2:07 – Teasing the waitress, who was beautiful and had seen us daygaming from this table for three days in a row and rotating a stream of women through her coffee shop. God knows what she thought of us. Certainly no lack of preselection.
2:31 – Teenagers really don’t have good social skills. They still look nervous and uncertain.
2:38 – Why on earth am I asking Jambone where we should go? That’s approval seeking. I should be deciding and then Jambone supporting me.
3:07 – Jambone had been working a Lady Gaga meme with the two young girls on the previous date. He now revives it, making the girls laugh. More value to him. He’s the fun guy, not me.
3:38 – Reference to a joke Low Esteem made in her texts to me the prior day.
Mistake 3 – The wing didn’t support the player with his subcommunication. Jambone is leaning back and making me lean into him to continue the conversation, thus making me seek rapport and qualify. Even when the words are DHVing me, the mannerisms don’t.
We head off to the next bar and then make the worst possible mistake. We are sat in a U-shape booth around a table. I sit in the middle bend of the U, the best position, but then Jambone slides in between Squirrel and Leggy while Low Esteem sits across. So what happens? Anytime Low Esteem wants to talk to me she has to turn her head whereas anytime she sits comfortably she is facing Jambone with his arms around two giggling girls as they compete for his attention and talk across him to each other. The two 17 yr olds are basically ignoring me. When Suave turns up later he said it was blindingly obvious where all the power and magnetism in the room was.
Mistake 4 – Never ever let the wing take the magnetism of the set’s attention. Jambone should’ve been sat out on the end and leaning in to qualify to me, or sitting next to me on the right so the girls had to talk across me to talk to him, thus including me in every exchange. Even when Jambone is telling a story, that position would keep eyes on me too.
An hour in I go off to collect HB High Esteem. She’s expecting a one-on-one date so I have to preframe her on the way to Papparazzi. I’d have loved to just sit her down solo but it’s the last night and I don’t realise Low Esteem is slipping away. She walks in and sees Jambone with the two little munchkins and her face drops – Jambone later described it as the sort of face she’d make if she’d caught him shitting on the floor.
Learning Point – While preselection is a big hit on low esteem slutty girls it doesn’t have the same impact on a high esteem nice girl
Part four coming up….