The horror of modern dating advice
January 26, 2010 6 Comments
Sometimes I forget what it’s like for those lost souls who have refused the red pill. Men who still think girls are pure, innocent and tired of being pumped and dumped by alphas. If only a Nice Guy would come along and rescue them, buy them dinner at a posh restaurant, listen to their emotional problems, and patiently wait for the occasional passion-free sex….
The advice to women is no better. Whereas advice to men can all be boiled down to the statement “Do everything she tells you to, unless she doesn’t want you to, and then she might throw you a few scraps for which you should be grateful“, the advice to women is just “deny reality, do whatever makes you feel good, and when it all goes tits up go get some cats.” I offer today’s Relationships section of the Times online newspaper. Pretty awful.
Lead story: How long should you wait for Mr Right
The metropolitan trendy-leftism is strong here as the article kicks off with cred-building references to bankers greed (the Approved explanation for the financial crisis) and Brad-and-fucking-Angelina. This shrew hack writer is attempting a take-down of the emininently sensible book by Lori Gottleib that points out the simple fact that most women who hold out for a hero end up sipping Chardonnay on their sofa, surrounded by cats, nursing the bitter loneliness of a wasted life. Be practical – settle. Oh god forbid a woman can’t actually have it all, so Becky Pugh flies into action with an impassioned argument for why fabulous women should net their Mr Big, replete with the mountains of evidence to prove her case.
Let’s look at that mountain. Exhibit #1: A book of fiction, Jane Eyre. Exhibit #2: The fictional Carrie-fucking-Bradshaw. Exhibit #3: An unidentified friend who tries to reframe spinsterhood as independence. Exhibits #4-6 are random fuckwits. Even the IPCC require better evidence than this.
My comment is unlikely to survive moderation: “There’s a small number of 28-32 yr old women who will read this and take your advice. You have just consigned them to the scrapheap. If a woman has any regard for her own future, she will husband hunt while near her prime sexual market value (aged 18-24), as this is when she can best score a top quality man. As she ages, her choices reduce. By 34 she hits her “Wile E Coyote” moment when her SMV is close to zero. There’s no chance of scoring Mr Big then. That’s why you had to draw your counter examples from fiction. Because reality isn’t Sex & the City where self-important cougars can slut their way through their 20s and then find a cool Captain Save-a-Soul to overlook their sordid past and treat them like the Lady they aren’t. Terrible, terrible advice. You are in the business of making a career out of telling used-up old women what they want to hear. I really hope the younger female readers aren’t taken in.”
Story 2: Women feel more guilt than men
Let’s just tick this off against the list of female shaming language.
1. The byline is “Women feel guilt much more strongly than men as the latter tend to be insensitive, according to a psychologists’ study” – code black, the charge of misogyny – The target is accused of displaying some form of unwarranted malice to a particular woman or to women in general.
2. “Researchers discovered that not only do women feel the emotion more intensely but that men feel ‘too little’ guilt when they behave badly.” I’m pretty willing to bet that those cases of behaving badly are defined by women and the men don’t think they did anything wrong, whereas women get a free pass for all their disgaceful behaviour, but I digress. This sounds alot like code silver – the charge of selfishness – It is a common charge hurled at men who do not want to be bothered with romantic pursuits.
3. “Ms Etxebarria suggested that women felt more guilt because they were socially conditioned to do so, rather than there being a physiological or evolutionary reason for the difference.” This is a implicit code brown – the charge of fanaticism – against men in general – The target is accused of subscribing to an intolerant, extremist ideology or of being devoted to an ignorant viewpoint. In this case, oppressing women with thought control. The next section goes code orange – the charge of endangerment – The target is accused of being a menace in some undefined manner.
I’d also suggest the undertone to the piece is a code green – the charge of puerility – The target is accused of being immature and/or irresponsible in some manner that reflects badly on his status as an adult male. This piece is presenting men as being somehow childish and under-developed. Am I reading too much into it? Perhaps.
Story 3 – How to secure a first date: Top ten tips for men
It’s a mangina writing this one and he gets straight off on the shaming language front, ridiculing the straw man of “hunter gatherers”, like being masculine is an out-dated relic. He then points the poor reader to the cougar-hell of the newpaper’s online dating site. I’ll take the tips in turn:
Tip 1 – Don’t learn Game. Hahahahaha. His very first piece of advice is to ignore the only body of knowledge that can actually help. Apparently all it will give you is the ability to nail dozens of hot girls, and that will ruin your life. Ok. Next.
Tip 2 – Be presentable. Fair enough, though hardly a surprise. Assanova says it better, and doesn’t rely on a bunch of female family to identikit dress you. He misses the most important part of presenting well – pick an “avatar” (and no, I don’t mean traitorous liberal blue cat people terrorists) and look different.
Tip 3 – Ask questions. Done properly, I’d agree. And that means make statements about the girl that invite an explanation from her, and make it about interesting things. Mangina-boy recommends the resume-exchange interview and an overt display of too much interest. Fail.
Tip 4 – Hide you obsessions. If the obsession is World of Warcraft, yes. If it is skydiving, kickboxing, writing, chess, your business, travelling, rock climbing, photography, whatever – then HELL NO! Be passionate, talk passionately, pull her into your world.
Tip 5 – Start taking exercise. Spot on, this is good advice. More correctly though is start taking exercise as a natural concommitent to a sporting activity you love. A Fitness First gym body is homo and try-hard (though better than lard-arse). A functionally fit body sculpted from boxing, surfing or some other genuine pursuit is alpha. I’ll bet this mangina only ever uses the treadmill while he waits for the sauna to fill up with hairy cock.
Tip 6 – Decide your goals. Partially true. It’s more productive to screen the girl for how she fits into your goals. And by that I mean where on the hierarchy will she fit from serious LTR, through fuck buddy, down to entourage.
Tip 7 – Pick a venue. Well, duh! I’ll let his homo herb slight against kickboxing pass and just mention that better advice is to set up lots of venues to take advantage of time distortion. Also, DO NOT take up hobbies just to impress women. Learn something YOU want and then draw her in with your passion for it.
Tip 8 – Learn to dance. I’d put this #4 on a list after learn to lead, learn to fight, and learn to fuck. Dancing has only two places in a pick-up (i) during attraction stage on the intial meet, such as a dancefloor opener, or an isolation gambit to the dancefloor and (ii) in a serious commited LTR when you want to have interesting nights out together. Dancing on a day 2 is try-hard and homo. Why on earth would you take a girl to a dance venue in Comfort?
Tip 9 – Be patient: “Don’t be pushy, don’t expect sex, don’t try anything too quickly. Be a gentleman. You’ll be fine.” A huge but is in order (and I don’t mean how her butt will grow huge over time if you follow this twats advice in a LTR). But this is only applicable in two cases: (i) she is one of that 5% of girls who isn’t a slut or (ii) you are already able to project sexual abundance such that you want her to sense it’s no big deal. Otherwise you are failing the girl by failing to move the transaction along. As a male you are prime mover. You are the sexually aggressive male. You are dating her specifically because you saw her and thought “I’ll tap that ass”. The reason you are screening her and qualifying her is because you haven’t yet decided if she’s worth any level of commitment. Remember that in the dating frame (as opposed to SNL thug-fucking frame) it is an open secret that the woman is using sex to secure commitment and the man is using commitment to secure sex. Turning off your sexuality makes you the wishy washy nice guy.
OK, that’s all the dregs of modern dating that I can wade through in one go. Thank god I discovered Game.