Saturday 16th January, 2010. Oh lordy, this was a long and convoluted sarge…
Flush though I am with the success of banging a fresh new girl this really can’t go down in the memoirs as a textbook case of effective seduction. Quite the opposite. I think it’s taken me a little over the three-date rule to get it done – so thank fuck I wasn’t paying for them. Like all good stories, this one begins at the beginning, which for a day time sarge is the approach. To recap:
Day 1 – Open in Westfields shopping mall, direct. Bounce to ice cream stall, turn into instant date. Escalation: kiss on mouth, no tongues
Day 2 – Milkshakes in The Diner, pizza in Soho, drink in a pub. Escalation: make out, kop a feel of breasts
Day 3 – Entourage game at nightclub. Escalation: make out, send her back, take the Spaniard home.
Day 4 – Walk along South Bank, drink in pub, Chinese restaurant. Escalation: none
Day 5 – She comes round the house, a drink in a private member’s club. Escalation: barebreasted at my place, some rubbing of pussy
Day 6 – She drives me to Leeds Castle, then sunday roast in a pub, back to my place: Escalation: none
Day 7 – Meet after work, drinks in a different private members club. Escalation: none
Day 8 – Burlesque bar/club ’till late. Escalation: none
Day 9 – Private members club, she stays the night. Escalation: bingo – full close. *audience round of applause*
This sarge had been maddeningly slow and I just couldn’t figure out how much was me lacking escalation skills, how much was the shitty shitty logistics, and how much is just her as a difficult-to-close girl. Here’s my thoughts:
Escalation skills: I have been nice-guy far too long and it’s tended to get me LJBF’d. I’d hold back from sexualising encounters because subconsciously I was enjoying the validation of bouncing the girls and taking their numbers and raising the stakes would risk losing the girl, and hence the validation. Took me a while to realise that was happening and RSD’s Foundations DVDs helped identify the cause. Losing a girl through sexualisation in no way undermines the value of your original approach and thus doesn’t retract the validation. With HB8 Romania she was obviously into me and the dating frame was bringing out the nice guy again. I was caught between knowing it would eventually happen if I kept ploughing, while knowing equally that she was judging me on not being a desparate horny-dog jumping her at every opportunity. So I settled for the slow gradual escalation, with frequent takeaways / one step forward two steps back.
I was trying hard to calibrate to the girl. Advice from Tony T was to spend more time in comfort and take the pressure off her on escalation. By projecting the attitude that sex is no big deal, if it happens it happens, then she’ll get the comfort she needs to let me go forward.
Shitty logistics: This girl lives and works waaaay out of London. Every time we meet it has to be arranged, in a dating frame. There’s no casual 9pm call of “me and the guys are out at Club XYZ, why don’t you pop by.” She hates public transport, irrationally so, and loves her car. That means she drives in to meet me and won’t drink alcohol. It wasn’t till Day 9 that I finally got her to drink more than a single glass of wine. Achieving that required giving her a pretext to avoid the Anti Slut Defense kicking in. It came in the following text exchange, after she’s initiated by sending me a picture of her car covered in snow:
Krauser: You doing ok?
HB8: Sure, in bed watching a girlie movie. You?
Krauser: I might watch a girlie movie too. Different kind ;)
HB8: :)) Enjoy
Krauser: Double heh!
[next day] Krauser: Keep Saturday free. We’re doing cool stuff. – [various texts follow on random fluff]
[Saturday] HB8: Mmmh, morning
Krauser: Aye. I’m in a friend’s NLP seminar. Can you get in for 5pm?
HB8: What’s NLP? I can try. I’ll drive.
Krauser: Neuro Linguistic Programming. Bring your overnight bag. We’ll go to the fruit market early tomorrow, finally.
So now she’s got her pretext because we’d twice aimed to go to that market on a Sunday and twice she’d gotten out of bed too late to make it worth the while. Throughout the evening on Day 9 she’s sipping wine in moderation and asking the waiters to go easy on the alcohol in her cocktails. I sense she’s keeping her options open. She doesn’t mention having the overnight bag, or staying overnight, until ten minutes before the f-close. Lesson learned – give her a pretext to assuage the ASD.
She’s tough to close: She’s a bit nerdy, and looks a little out of place in the club environment with party girls around her. At one point I was seriously considering the possibility that no other man had ploughed this furrow. Benefit of hindsight I think this is her playing an instinctive girl game to angle for the LTR. She’s protecting her relationship value by not jumping into bed on the first pussy tingle. It has been successful in maintaining her value in my eyes and making me like her alot. I shall not be performing a pump’n’dump on her, she has proved herself better than that. So she’s played coy but allowed me to push things slightly closer to F-Close City each time. The eventual close began at about 1am in the private members bar. We are sitting across a tiny table after chatting for a long time. We spend lots of time locking eyes and not saying anything. Each time I turn on progressively more sexual energy until I’m giving her full-on rape eyes. No words, just solid contact with me visualising exactly what I intend to do to her when we get back to my place. Her physiology changes – pupils dilate, cheeks pinken, lips get fuller. Early on I’m doing standard triangular gazing from eyes to lips. Late on I’m adding in looking at her breasts and legs.
We get back to my place and she’s protesting about being tired and not looking forward to the drive home. I light candles and go set up my bedroom. I’ve left the heating on low while we’re out so the place is warm. I boil the kettle and put a hot water bottle in my bed and turn the low wattage lamp on. Back in the lounge she is stretched out on my sofa. We make out. I do lots of teasing and build sexual tension. As she starts squirming, I rip off her trousers. This is the make or break where I got LMR last time I tried. She goes with it. I’m about to pull off her knickers when she says “we should go to the bedroom, I’m not comfortable here”.
More makeout and I go to pull down her knickers. This time she says “I need to get something from my car”. I suspect it’s her overnight bag (or condoms) but I don’t want her putting her trousers or shoes back on, so I loan her my outdoor slippers and a long coat. I play protector saying I’ll watch over her from the doorway so she doesn’t get murdered – but I’m at least as interested in watching what she’s doing. She gets the overnight bag and comes back. It’s on. The rest is x-rated.