Work Christmas Party
December 18, 2009 10 Comments
Thursday 18 December, 2009. It’s been a long time since I’ve had an entire table of Righteous fuckwits gang up on me, take them on, and win. I’d forgot how much I used to enjoy it. One of my old latent alpha traits was an absolute certainty that I am right and my willingness to defend my position till (metaphorical) death. Combine that with a ruthless razor-sharp ability to hunt and kill my opponents and few people would debate me twice. Stupidly, I came to see this as a negative character trait and worked to become more agreeable. I suppose for generally getting on with people that’s sensible. These days, I tend to hold the opinion that I shouldn’t have to suffer fools and I shouldn’t have to bite my tongue when a cackle of women is talking shit.
So, it’s 10pm and my work team has finished the Xmas dinner and decamped to a pub in Covent Garden. I’ve been half-heartedly gaming all the women to generally good effect, and as I drink more I’ve been progressively increasing the arseholery. The women start dropping in occasional man-hate comments. They are western, professional “strong” women after all.
Note none of this is too serious. It’s a bit a drunken fun that has a serious edge, but mostly that faux-sincerity of drunks talking. And while I usually avoid getting into these kinds of discussions with fuckwits (I mean, what is there to win?) I was in the mood for it tonight. Some exchanges (paraphrasing) within longer debates:
Krauser: It was monogamy that created the base for Western civilisation. It’s the breakdown of monogamy that will destroy our civilisation.
A boss (not mine): What’s so good about Western civilisation? [he's white, upper middle class, private school educated English - what a fucking traitor]
Krauser: Its the reason we are better than all the other cultures. We invented writing, science, democracy, engineering, vaccination, blood typing, sterilization…..
Boss: What’s so good about science? That led to eugenics
Me: Eugenics is just a policy implementation based loosely on science. A political decision. Anyway, I support eugenics.
* shocked faces *
Fat woman [after asking me about my Romanian girlfriend]: Why chase after Romanians? Aren’t you confident enough to get an English woman?
Krauser: I don’t want an English woman
Other woman: Romanians are all gypsies. Is that it? Has she stolen your wallet *some laughs*
Krauser: She’s from a religious culture that isn’t very Westernised. So she probably hasn’t been on the cock carousel. She’s feminine and respectful.
Fat woman: What’s wrong with English women?
Krauser: I find them boorish, uncultured and vulgar. Not for me.
Fat woman: You’ll never get married with that attitude
Krauser: Great. I don’t want to get married. I’m not gonna put a ring on a finger that’s been wrapped around two dozen cocks. Call me traditional, but I can’t commit to another man’s leftovers.
Fat woman: That’s such a double standard!
Krauser: No its not. A woman knows a child is hers, a man doesn’t. It’s hardwired into a man’s mind to value chastity as a proxy for paternity certainty. *the Boss quitely nods agreement*
Other woman: That’s sexist
Krauser: I notice woman will bitch and moan about how promiscuous men are valued and promiscuous women are shamed. Those same women are quiet on the flip side – how female virgins are valued and male virgins are ridiculed.
Fat woman: No that’s different because…..um……. you sound like a bigot
Krauser: If that’s your label for my views, I’m happy to be a bigot.
Fat Woman: I’m so close to tipping this pint onto your head.
Krauser: If you do that I’ll tip this pint over yours.
This isn’t a pick-up report, so why have it in my blog you ask? Every man needs to find is own path to alpha. Being alpha is not just something you switch on as you approach a set. It’s how you live and who you are in your everyday interactions. A snivelling beta mangina fears attack more than anything else, so his default reaction to conflict is supplication. If you make supplication a regular feature of your life, you reinforce the inner beta. Fuck that. I’m alpha and that means if someone tries to browbeat me into something I’m gonna dig my heels in then come out fighting. If it’s worth the trouble, that is.
I’ve noticed these situations take on a pattern, which I propose below. Let’s call it the Krauser Ladder of Righteous Fuckwittery:
Phase 1: They talk progressivist drivel and assume you agree. You quietly avoid giving either assent or dissent because you know doing so commits you to either all seven stages, or a humiliating climb-down en-route.
Phase 2: Suspecting you’re not “with the program”, they try to solicit your opinion. You politely avoid doing so.
Phase 3: The chief commisar directly and aggressively questions you. You state some of your opinions, making it clear that you don’t intend to foist them upon the world
*everyone gangs up on you*
Phase 4: They all show shock, contempt, and immediately assume the moral high ground is theirs rather than a position to be earned. Shaming language ensues. You are compared to Hitler. You don’t back down.
Phase 5: They try to nitpick and bully you. The group cheers on the chief commissar, who becomes progressively emboldened. The group is looking to chip in with drive-by insults. You defend your position and challenge theirs.
Phase 6: They backpedal frantically, try to find one area of agreement so they can declare the debate resolved. You refuse to give it to them.
Phase 7: Either they accept you are right, or they go off in the huff.
The social dynamics are interesting. I literally had all five people at the table (this was late on in the pub after most people had gone home) ganging up on me trying to verbally beat me down – and they thought I was the one being unreasonable. It’s funny to see Righteous fervour stirred up because these normal people suddenly become jackals.