Working on my inner game
September 27, 2009 3 Comments
I’ve been reading up on Tony Robbins lately, the tall smiley motivational speaker guy. Like most people, I’ve felt tremendous resistance to the power-of-positive-thought bunch. Being a realist and scientifically minded, it seems ludicrous that chanting a few mantras and plastering a smile on your face is gonna somehow result in a bigger car, a successful business and whatever else quick fix you’re looking for.
It’s easy to caricature things you don’t like and don’t really understand. I do it all the time because I’m a pretty judgemental person. Since talking to people about Game I’ve been astonished at how badly some people misunderstand it because they want to misunderstand it. It threatens their reality so they must find a way to dismiss it. Perhaps I need to look at the things that mess with my reality and figure out if I too am being overly dismissive.
Beginning game four months ago there was a break in the clouds. I’ve usually been locked in to my world view and confident that I’m right. With an airtight belief system new ideas were going to struggle to find a place. Then when I made the decision to game, I opened myself to new ideas. I was prepared to try things first, and judge them later.
On my first boot camp one of the classes was about creating your own state and we went out to a park to practice our “power move”. Sounds funny. A year ago if some nubbin in a pub had told me they have a power move I’d have ripped them apart for it. But now I’m standing in a park with five strangers, imagining a ball of positive state and anchoring it to a move.
[FWIW, my move is based on Kano’s victory pose from Mortal Kombat – I do a King Kong chest slap, look up to the sky and then growl like a motorbike revving up. Very animalistic]
Tony Robbins popularised the power move. I got hold of his speeches and gave them a shot. He’s big on NLP. His process is:
Beliefs -> State -> Actions -> Results
Look to successful people and model their behaviours. The mind can be reprogrammed to gradually change beliefs by reframing experiences and obtaining reference points. From that you can create state (that’s what the power move is for) so that you bring positivity to your actions. Constant repetition and right action will eventually form habits, and if these are success habits you’ll get the results you want.
Is this a magic bullet? No. It requires persistence and difficult introspection. Much of your success relies on other people’s actions which you cannot fully control. But if you know these people’s decision strategies, you can identify the actions that will resonate with them.
So how is this integrated into game:
Reference experiences modify your beliefs. You can’t just repeat “I’m a sexworthy guy” and expect your mind to accept it. You have to go out and sarge. After 250 approaches it is now integrated into my reality that I’m a guy that goes out and talks to women. I’m number-closing models, opening 2-sets, entertaining girls on day 2s. So by belief system is gradually settling into the “I’m a guy that number closes models”. My mind is accepting it.
When I see the model walking down the street, my mind allows me to be positive in my expectation of opening her. I’ve done it so many times I don’t get weirded out during the approach. She senses that. She feels I’m a guy who number closes models, so she’s not lowering her social value by giving me her number. So I get air-time to attract her. My actions are consistent with the sexworthy guy, so she perceives me as the sexworthy guy.
The self is always coming through, so this inner game work needs to be done. Pick-up isn’t about tactics and gambits. Those are just training wheels, to fill the space while you pick up the reference experiences. Think of it this way:
Outer game guy:
Indirect opener, sneak in under the radar with a female opinion opener
Run some DHV stories and routines to press her buttons
Hope this has generated some attraction
Play a number close gambit to get her number while pretending you don’t especially want it
Inner game guy:
Direct opener, introduce yourself and say you like her
Vibe about whatever is going on, getting to know each other
Be a high value guy and let the value attract her
Tell her you’d like to see her again so can you have her number
I’m not saying outer game won’t work, or that it’s not a good supplement. The way I’ve written the inner game approach sounds awfully close to AFC chump technique but its not. The chump is supplicating, outcome dependent, and shaking in his boots. The PUA has soft dominance, masculine polarity, and is just calmly putting the offer out there for her consideration.
I’m still approaching because that’s just a given. Where I’ve definitely made a change is I’m trying to do it all “natural”. I barely use routines in day game now. I just open strong and try to subcommunicate value. The content of the conversation is just whatever I feel and whatever she gives me.
I’m not there yet. I often struggle for things to say, or fall back on twenty questions. I’m not always communicating value so the girl gets bored. But I’m getting there. I’m plodding on with the skill set I want. As the inner game solidifies, this natural approach improves.