Resistance is futile
September 27, 2009 2 Comments
Most people I know are supportive of my PUA adventure, and not just because they are entertained – like the way you encourage a clown to act stupid so you can laugh at the outcome. A few have directly and earnestly stated they think it’s exactly the right thing for me to do. They know my history, my recent problem, and my targets.
Strangely, two people I’d have most expected unqualified support from have been slipping between tacit support and outright hostility.
I’ve known “JP” about fifteen years mostly as a friend-of-a-friend. During the odd period or two we got closer for a while so he’s legitimately a good friend while having his primary social circle outside mine. He’s had the most success with women of anyone I know (likely triple figures) and he’s clearly a natural. When I started game I wanted him as a wing as I figured I’ve got plenty to learn from him and he’s probably the only friend I had who would actively sarge.
We did a bit of night game together (see my first Night Game FR post) and it was great fun. But snippets of conversation here and there since have made me wonder. He keeps saying stuff like “What’s the point of all this pick up theory? You aren’t getting laid” or “How can you call it a success if you’re not getting laid”. While at times winging with me, at other times he’s actively trying to belittle my efforts and dissuade me of the value of game.
At first I mirrored his hostility. I thought to myself: this guy knows I just went through a traumatic divorce that crushed me. He knows how hard I’ve tried to pick myself up again. He knows how difficult pick up is and how much dedication it takes to stay on track. So why the fuck is he trying to put me down and disillusion me till I give up? Does he actually want me to be a failure with women? Does he want me to live the rest of my life alone? What kind of friend is that?
Time passes, I learn different things and then I seem to hit on the reasons. It’s resistance. He does care about me, but he has his own issues and my gaming is forcing him to recognise them. Specifically:
He’s a natural, now in his early 30s and not having the same success he used to. His current girlfriend is charming and pretty but also 35 and hitting the wall.
His previous LTR was a fantastic girl but they didn’t quite get on and he’s been wondering if he made a big mistake breaking up with her and now it’s totally over because she’s moved in with someone else. Added to a few other big changes in his life recently, he’s reaching an existential crisis. He’s wondering what he’s going to get out of life now and when he has to settle down.
Being an ageing natural, now that he’s not able to replicate his earlier success it is worrying him. Having never consciously learned game he doesn’t have the road map to recapture the glory. So he’s wondering if he’ll have to settle for a lower quality girl rather than the hotties he used to bang in his twenties.
He’s naturally competitive. The thought that I could make rapid progress to the point where I surpass him hurts his professional pride at having always been the player of our social circle.
The other lad, “Kane”, I’ve known even longer. He was also a “natural” in his youth, though to a much lesser extent. He’s also absolutely of the beta-mangina mind set: respectful of women even when they don’t deserve it, believes game is dishonest, that shared interests and experiences are the source of attraction etc. Basically all of the stuff that game rebels against. He too genuinely wants me to be happy but finds game shaking his reality. Unlike JP, Kane worries that game is self-destructive and that I’m overcompensating from one bad experience with women to suddenly become a shallow misogynist who will just drift through life from one meaningless encounter to the next.
So while he is supportive of me trying to pull women, he thinks game is the wrong thing to do. Instead he recommends beta-chump strategy of basically doing nothing and hoping that at some point in the next fifty years some girl gets introduced to me and gives the right signals. If I’m to break it down I’d say he’s thinking like this:
He never had game so he misunderstands it. He thinks it’s about lying, manipulation and tricking a girl into bed so you take all the value and offer nothing back. In our discussions he’s literally failed to understand basic concepts that are transparently obvious for the simple reason that he doesn’t want to believe them.
He projects motives onto me which I don’t have. He projects that I’m just trying to get revenge on womankind by fucking loads of sluts from now till I’m 70.
He cut his player days short aged about twenty by settling with one girl who he’s now married with kids. This forces him to be strongly invested in the ideas of fidelity, monogamy and everlasting love. He’s never suffered the evil side of womankind and would rather deny it exists than acknowledge he could be at risk too.
They are welcome to their reality. I’ve learned not to worry about what they think. I’ve also learned that their resistance doesn’t betray a lack of friendly concern for my wellbeing.